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what to do about DH'S fetish?

my DH and i have a good sexual and emotional relationship but since he was a tween , he has had a thing for women;s undergarments . when he was younger he stole them , but then his ex found out and told a few of his friends . he stopped but then when they got divorced before the ink was dry he started again didn't steal just bought them .i found out about 3 months into the relationship . i accepted it i guess as long as we were ok and he didn't steal . for along time though he stopped again . i think because of me and i told him if he gets caught stealing there could be alot of problems legally for him. he told me that when he was younger he wanted to live and dress as a women but knew he couldn't and that the other part of him thinks and wants to be a man. well the other day i had to go in his work bag and he had at some point recently bought somethings - so on his breaks he must be doing it - he doesn't always masturbate .

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Asked by Anonymous at 9:19 PM on Jan. 13, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (3)
  • As a nurse, and a mother of a transgendered son I just saw red flags all over the place. Fetish is one thing. Some guys just get off wearing intimate lingerie. For others it is a step of trying to be who they feel they are inside. I think there needs to be a lot of honest discussion going on either between the two of you..or at least him with a therapist. My daughter in law is still sticking by my son, but I can tell you she is the exception to the rule. Try not to judge. If in fact he feels like he's a woman is something he has likely been struggling with for a very long time. Good Luck to you both

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:59 PM on Jan. 13, 2010

  • that's what i was thinking , and he lets me be like the man in the relationship. except for the maternal instinct he has trouble with is but wanted girl's not boys. his ex treated him with abuse . i am talking to you anonymous but was wondering if i could talk with you some more i am in a sticky situation and not sure what to do.. did you know about your son? did your daughter inlaw?

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:19 PM on Jan. 13, 2010

  • hmmmm, you need to encourage him to be more honest with you about what's going on with this. I would be less worried if he was just using yours or that he enjoyed yours, KWIM? Does he just wear them under his work clothes? When you say letting you be the man... is there sexual role play involved or do you just mean taking out the trash sort of things? I have friends who are gay and would never wear womens under wear, and I have straight friends who use their wives panties to maturbate.... and gender isn't always the same as your sex, he's male by birth but may be drawn to a more female gender expressions, this doesn't mean he's gay or not attratched to women. Just do your best to come off as judgemental or deffensive, you seem to actually be really understanding, I hope you guys get this all worked out!

    Answer by mommawhite08 at 2:13 AM on Jan. 14, 2010

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