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How would you punish them for talking/hanging out with people they shouldn't?

Both of my kids 13 & 11 have been told repeatedly not to hang out with with particular kids (both are neighbors). But they both still talk to them behind our backs.

We have tried everything but not sure where to do now. And yes we have very good reasons they should not hang out with them.

So how would you punish them?

Answer Question
 
gulfcoastmom4

Asked by gulfcoastmom4 at 7:55 AM on Jan. 14, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Level 17 (4,429 Credits)
Answers (28)
  • No video games or myspace, facebook and not allowed to hang out with those losers.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:57 AM on Jan. 14, 2010

  • What if we've tried that already?
    gulfcoastmom4

    Answer by gulfcoastmom4 at 7:59 AM on Jan. 14, 2010

  • They are of the age that the forbidden fruit is the sweetest. I'd stop bad-mouthing the other people, and occasionally toss in a comment about how this one is in trouble, or that unpleasant character in the news or on TV is similar to that one. Not dwelling on it- just planting the seed. The more you make it a big deal, the more they are going to be interested in doing what you don't want.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 8:02 AM on Jan. 14, 2010

  • Since they are neighbors it will be hard to keep them away. But if they went to a different school things would be different. My son was hanging with a loser in 5 th grade . When I put him in catholic school he was with kids like him . Not street ghetto wannabees that encourage other boys to be in gangs and do silly immature things. It is a completely different world since I took him out of public school. Much better enviornment and no gang infulence at all.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:05 AM on Jan. 14, 2010

  • I think although its hard, your children will be influenced by those you do not agree with their whole lives. Its a learning experience that will help with adulthood. I would tell them why you do not want them to hang with these kids, but let them know if they do its their choice HOWEVER- any breaking of your rules will be dealt with harshly and see if maybe those kids are no longer worth it.
    justmyopinion

    Answer by justmyopinion at 8:24 AM on Jan. 14, 2010

  • You cannot pick out their friends for them, if they have a good base to go on they will realize on their own who their friends really are. Forbiding them not to see them will cause more rebellion because this is the way teens operate.
    older

    Answer by older at 8:25 AM on Jan. 14, 2010

  • I agree...when you tell a teenager they aren't allowed to do something...or see someone..it makes them want to do it that much more. The more you forbid it...the more fun it becomes for them...and thats where the sneaking around starts...and the next thing you know, they will be lying and hiding much more from you. Be careful with this situation. What are you reasons for them not being allowed to hang out or talk to these neighbors, it's kind of difficult to keep kids from their neighbors. Are the neighbors much older? If that's the case, maybe you can speak to their parents and tell them you're not comfortable with you children being around older kids, and you'd like it if they would help keep your children away? I don't know the whole situation so it's hard. Punishing them is going to anger them and they are just going to continue doing what they want. I'm not disagreeing that you should punish them, just do it carefully GL
    michellelee3708

    Answer by michellelee3708 at 8:28 AM on Jan. 14, 2010

  • My husband and I raised three children. Most of their social activities were either school functions or they took place in our home. They knew that their friends were always welcome at our house, and there was always an extra child or two around. What we found was that the children whom we would not have chosen as our children's friends really liked being in our home in the beginning, but eventually they would start trying to get ours to break the family rules. When our children realized that, the friendships usually ended. Our standards for behavior were just a little too high for them to enjoy. This system worked very well for us. The down side is that you have to be willing for your home to be the social center for your children. You also have to be willing to provide snacks and to be inconvenienced. Had I the chanced to do it over, I would do exactly the same thing. In a sense, you can choose your kids' friends!
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:37 AM on Jan. 14, 2010

  • I have to agree with NannyB & older

    and quite frankly, I'm disgusted that you are teaching your children to be judgmental & prejudice (and no, I don't meant race, unless that's your reasoning)
    what in the world could a child around that age have done to not be allowed to be friends with your children?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:18 AM on Jan. 14, 2010

  • Personally I wouldn't. At those ages they have to be the ones to make the choice as to who to be friends with and who not. Will they make the wrong choices from time to time? Yep. But that's part of growing up.
    SabrinaMBowen

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 9:26 AM on Jan. 14, 2010

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