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Daughter conflicted about many things..which are normal and which are irrational?

She is very bright and made Eastern Region Music Festival and auditions for All State. Went by herself and the week before was just overcome with fear about knowing no one and being by herself, which ultimately, she was, but was glad she did it "Wasn't so bad." Now, she is going on a trip to Quebec w/French class and is worrying about who else will be rooming w/her and best friend. Many kids who are going are in her words "People who act like ditzes, parade around in their underwear, texting, flirting, are snobs and mean to others..." Her particular class is full of kids like this and she is someone who is very bothered by it. I told her there will be idiots throughout your whole life, just ignore it...but I am not in her position and don't really know how bad it is. She is known as a nerdy girl, and she's proud of that, but sometimes is in tears because she doesn't "fit in". I tell her to hold on till HS is over.Breaks my <3

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Asked by Anonymous at 8:42 AM on Jan. 14, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (11)
  • Also is conflicted about continuing seriously in music when she wants to go into science...doesn't want a career in music...but she says it's all or nothing w/the music teacher...if you're not 100% into it she won't take you seriously or give you the time of day. We keep telling her colleges want to see 4 years of something so at least take band.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:56 AM on Jan. 14, 2010

  • All are normal teens and unscertainties go hand in hand. This too shall pass.

    Answer by older at 9:02 AM on Jan. 14, 2010

  • Sounds like a typical teenage girl to me, everything's all or none. Remember how you felt back then? Everything was a crisis & the hormones are raging. Find her some adults who also went thru what she's going thru that have sucessful careers in areas she's interested in. Its one thing to tell a teen to hang on during highschool, show her what she's holding on for. It may also help to show her some of the popular kids in high school who didn't make the best choices so she understands that what happens in your life depends on you not who you sit w/ at lunch or on the bus. Keep teaching her to stand strong in her own skin & encourage her. Alot of teens worry about the unknown & then when they go they find out their fears were all for nothing.

    Answer by Nyx7 at 9:06 AM on Jan. 14, 2010

  • Kids at that age are not thinking of college. They are thinking of the hear and now. College to them is a life time away.


    Answer by louise2 at 9:09 AM on Jan. 14, 2010

  • Don't worry about getting into college. It is very easy for honors students. Parents and kids worry way too much. The best colleges to go to are state community colleges or universities. The vast majority of scholarships are need based. Some states give free tuition to state colleges if the student scores well on the SATs.

    I took a lot of honors science classes in high school and I was able to take the CLEP exams and test out of some science and math courses for my degree in medical lab technology. That saves time and money.

    My youngest son is taking college fresman biology this semester and we can't believe how easy it is. The book is at about a middle school level. Many freshmen level courses are really just high school courses all over again.

    Answer by Gailll at 9:26 AM on Jan. 14, 2010

  • I told her there will be idiots throughout your whole life, just ignore it...

    great advise. that is about it... maybe see if you can call the teacher and talk to her about not putting your dd with obnoxious kids. tell the teacher you dont want any negative influences to effect (or is it affect -- i never know) her.

    Answer by AmaliaD at 9:41 AM on Jan. 14, 2010

  • There are plenty of scientists who were accomplished musicians in childhood. This is an opportunity for her to learn the politics of the adult world. Play nice with the teacher while continuing to study hard in sciences. A good teacher is passionate about the subject s/he teaches. A good student is passionate in the classroom and focused on long term goals.

    My sister is a genetics researcher at UCSF. She was also the founder of the Harvard Flute Assemble. Plenty of nerdy scientists in that group of women.

    She'll find her group. There are plenty of girls just like her, even though she won't believe you if you tell her so. Acknowledging her hard work might give her the confidence boost she needs to go out an find them.

    Answer by ecodani at 10:14 AM on Jan. 14, 2010

  • Tell her to stop judging people, first of all. Secondly, tell her to focus on the trip and gaining the experience instead of being petty and doing to other people EXACTLY what she cries about herself.

    Answer by BaisMom at 11:24 AM on Jan. 14, 2010

  • My daughter, who is now 16, was always "nerdy". She's always been one of the smartest in her class and one of the tallest! That combination should of made life a bit hard in school, but she's always dealt with it well. She has no tolerance for stupidity, immaturity, and arrogant ppl. and with her quick wit and scarasim, she has always been able to avoid or dismiss those that can and will be rude and annoying. Her thoughts are basically this. Stupid ppl exsist and they were put here for her to laugh at, so if they confront her, she deals with them quickly...ha ha ha Most of the time she ignores them, or humors them with her own form of sarcism.
    She was picked on in earlier grades. Then she realised that she could outwit most of them, so she did and continues to do so, in the most polite way possible!

    Answer by momsbreak5654 at 4:52 AM on Jan. 16, 2010

  • I was the nerd of my school also, never was asked out... Today I am very successful, happily married, very confident. You need to tell your daughter that confidence and ego do not go hand in hand, that confidence is sincere, that she is something more than just a bunch of over grown toddlers. Remind her she will succeed beyond those that think life is about a phone or thinking the world is going to tolerate barbies.... Tal deep, encourage her, give her faith, confidence and courage, don't just tell her to tough it out :)

    Answer by iluv2meow at 4:06 AM on Jan. 17, 2010

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