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How do I keep myself from getting attached to men too fast?

Everytime I met a man that I like, and he seems to like me. I want to go to fast. Not sexually just emotionally. I know must people you meet will not turn into a serious relationship and that must serious relationships don't last. But I keep doing it.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:35 AM on Jan. 14, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • Take time off! Stop dating!

    This tends to happen to women (and men) that aren't 100% dependent on themselves. You have to KNOW without any waver that you are all you NEED! That you are your own woman and that you can do ANYTHING!

    Take some time off and discover YOU. Once you get to the point where you know you are AWESOME with or without a man in your life, then you are ready to date! You will see a huge difference!
    SabrinaMBowen

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 9:39 AM on Jan. 14, 2010

  • I am the same way...well, sometimes. If a man treats me well...I get so attached. lol, I dunno...it worked for me with the last one...been together almost 2 yrs and we have a 7 month old and we plan to get married.
    michellelee3708

    Answer by michellelee3708 at 9:41 AM on Jan. 14, 2010

  • If you assume that serious relationships dont last then I they probably wont. Seems that your attitude on relationships might be causing problems in that department. I'm not sure how to not get attached so fast since it doesn't sound like you are having sex with them right away. I wish I could help more with this. Good luck.
    worriedmommy600

    Answer by worriedmommy600 at 9:41 AM on Jan. 14, 2010

  • Quit dating for a while and get yourself to a place where you really know you don't need a man. Wherever you are meeting the men that go where stop going there. Live your life as a whole and complete person on your own raise your kids. Let love find you and don't try to force love on someone. Men run from desperation which is what you put off.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:44 AM on Jan. 14, 2010

  • Um, stay away from them. Quit dating untill you can find your own self worth
    Zakysmommy

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 9:46 AM on Jan. 14, 2010

  • If you'd give your heart to God, he'll bring the right one along. You do not "need" a man. Men "need" women!!! That's the way that God intended it. We should be able to run a home without them, so that when we do make that "leap", their heart will be drawn to us because of the person we are. We are created to help them! They are the ones that need someone to help them. They are the ones that are not good on their own. (I know, that's not popular, but it's the way it's suppose to be) Love is not something we "fall" into, it's a choice. Choose to do what's right, not just to follow your heart.
    TimandMely4ever

    Answer by TimandMely4ever at 9:51 AM on Jan. 14, 2010

  • i was only that way if i had sex with them...say no to sex. If you want to really find a guy that appreciates you for you then dont have sex with him. Give yourself a time frame as to when you will give in. (dont tell him) ...and if you still feel like you should hold out then do it. When i started dating my husband i told myself we were not going to have sex...and we didnt. I didnt even kiss the poor guy for about 4 months, but i knew that he appreciated my company because he kept coming back and calling and asking me out again. -and i will be honest usually i wouldve put out on the first date...but i was so tired of being used.
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 9:55 AM on Jan. 14, 2010

  • I disagree with the quit dating philosophy. I quit dating for 15 yrs and came back and repeated the attachment thing. People like me crave intimacy and fear abandonment so we attach too quickly. I don't think it's a horrible thing but it hurts more when they leave. When I met SO I was honest with him and told him I was attaching too quickly and he could leave if he wanted. I thought he would run for the hills but he said it was ok. I was shocked. Since you know you do it, accept it as part of who you are. Just try to stay in control and not let it get too crazy. Once SO showed me he was not going anywhere I was able to let go and not cling to him. You just need the security of a friendship/relationship that is real and long lasting. We all want them so that's normal.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:58 AM on Jan. 14, 2010

  • I know what you mean... its a thrill that new love/lust.. and its over all too soon. I would play the field and maybe chat to a few different men this will keep things interesting so you don't focus all on one and it also gives you options.. Nothing wrong with that!
    partieswithJenn

    Answer by partieswithJenn at 10:08 AM on Jan. 14, 2010

  • When I found I was doing this, I quit dating. I got so tired of it that I told the guy I was dating at the time, who was flaking out on me, to just go and stay gone. I went home and decided to concentrate on me, my job, family, even my pets. It was a relief to just let it go. After some time had gone by, I met the man I married. I wasn't thinking of dating him at all. At first he was just someone to talk to. Then he started asking me to go places with him, out to dinner, to a movie, sometimes just for a ride. It happened gradually and one day I realized my feelings toward him. He knew by some of the things I said to him, and that I didn't cling to him and let him have his own life too, that he wanted to be with me. It's hard but you need to just back away from the dating scene for a little while and relax. Things will go a lot better.
    wildflowers25

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 11:05 AM on Jan. 14, 2010

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