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I always attract men who lie, cheat, and abuse noone else bothers with me

theres obviously something about me thats vulnerable and these jerks spot me, can anyone help me to change, what can i do? thanks

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Asked by Anonymous at 9:46 AM on Jan. 14, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (17)
  • As my mom used to say..."you have Farmer's disease, you PICKER is BROKEN!" I finally realized that I was CHOOSING these type of men and overlooking the appropriate ones.....

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:49 AM on Jan. 14, 2010

  • Been there done that. I used to ask people if I was wearing a sign on me to attract them! It's not you as much as these are predators and they sniff us out! I made my family and friends check guys out for me bc it got so bad. Maybe you can try that.

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:50 AM on Jan. 14, 2010

  • first are they the only ones attracted to you or are they the only ones you pay attention to. sometimes we get into a rut liking the same types of guys and then wondering why they behave in the same way. look around you I bet there is someone who you have written off as not your type who likes you. maybee you think he is boring or not as good looking. Go out with him give him a chance push yourself to see something in them. you will be surprised at what is out there.

    Answer by mom2snsb at 9:52 AM on Jan. 14, 2010

  • Tell me more about you... Are you shy, do you tend to cling to men once in a relationship? If so these are a few things guys like that look for in a woman. you would appear easy to dominate and take advantage of..

    If you are more outgoing and less needy more independent they tend to go above and beyond to keep you happy and pleased with them as they do not want to loose you.

    And honestly it may not be you at all, the good ones usually are less forward and you have to go after them if you want them..

    Answer by partieswithJenn at 9:55 AM on Jan. 14, 2010

  • Give up men for awhile and make it on your own. When you have confidence that you can be alone and be happy then you will be less likely to get involved with looser men.

    Answer by Gailll at 9:56 AM on Jan. 14, 2010

  • Im quite shy but its a catch 22, because ive been treated like dirt so many times my confidence is zilch and right now feel like crap so therefore its showing like a light

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:01 AM on Jan. 14, 2010

  • theres obviously something about me thats vulnerable and these jerks spot me

    Answer by jewjewbee at 10:02 AM on Jan. 14, 2010

  • I'm the same way. But thats all I ever hear is that females attract maybe WE are the ones picking the losers lol. I finally found the right guy because I went after him for a change. I used to sit around and wait for guys to notice me or come talk to me...and this time I saw him...and HAD to have I went on a wild goose chase cuz I didn't even know his whole name! lol anyway, I found him, now we're together almost 2 yrs and have an amazing 7 month old son together =) Get to know a person before you commit to a relationship. GL

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:08 AM on Jan. 14, 2010

  • You need counseling. You need to find a good licensed therapist (not a psychiatrist), preferably a woman.  You have serious issues that you need to work through.  My guess is either your mom had a very unhealthy relationship with your father, or your parents were abusive or neglectful, or you went through some sort of trauma as a child that you haven't yet worked through.  What ever has led to your state of mind, it's fixable if you are willing to put the hard work in and find a good counselor.


    Answer by ThrivingMom at 10:13 AM on Jan. 14, 2010

  • Okay, this doesn't just happen, and wed aren't victims either. Here's what worked for me. I stayed single for awhile so I could work on myself. I had to figure out why I was willing to settle for that rather than be alone. You have to change your standards and set some boundaries. YOU HAVE POOR BOUNDARIES! Figure out what your bondaries are and compromise them with no one. The reason you attract those men is because they are attracted to the fact you lack boundaries so they feel free to do what they do. I promise if you hold fast to your bondaries and make no exceptions you will find the one who respects them. It's so worth it. Example: If you cheat that's fine, but that doesn't work for me. If you lay hands on me you will never see me again. If you verbally abuse me once I'm done. He has to have a job, be on his own, have a car, no drugs, and have integrity.

    Answer by Steff107 at 10:23 AM on Jan. 14, 2010

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