Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

How do you handle this?

When your tween or teen sasses, back talks you do you just ignore it or do you think it's important to address it and set consequenses for it? What consequenses?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:18 AM on Jan. 14, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (8)
  • Yes. It is important to set consequences. I would start with a warning. Then I would take something away - phone, ipod, game system... whatever they REALLY like. And be consistent!!
    RutterMama

    Answer by RutterMama at 10:21 AM on Jan. 14, 2010

  • There is a wonderful book entitled AGE OF OPPORTUNITY A GUIDE FOR PARENTING TEENS by Dr. Paul Tripp that I think you should read. But to answer your question, no, you should never ignore disrespectful behavior from your child. There are always consequences for bad behavior, and as a parent, we must hand those out. Dr. Laura Schlessinger suggests taking away everything that you as a parent provide, including the bed they sleep on, down to two changes of clothes--one to wear and one to wash. It is that serious of a matter.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 10:22 AM on Jan. 14, 2010

  • We give a warning and then we charge them a nickel a snide comment. If they are being really bad we give them a warning that the price is going up to a quarter. They will sass and get charged rarely now and it has always worked for fairly long periods of time. I keep the money in a jar in the kitchen. We have been doing this since they were 7 & 5 and now they are nearly 12 & 10. Now if only we could do something about the "eye rolls" we'd be rich.

    Obviously if we are all joking around we don't charge them if they get carried away.
    balagan_imma

    Answer by balagan_imma at 10:25 AM on Jan. 14, 2010

  • Unless they are being verbally abusive I don't think you should do more than tell him/her to speak their mind but be respectful. You see it as talking back while he/she probably thinks it's being assertive and speaking up for themselves. I did that as a kid and my grandmother punished me for it. I started internalizing it and got sick. As an adult I took an aptitude test and found out that I should go into law bc I am good in debate. She stifled that skill instead of nurturing it and helping me control it and polish it. Don't stifle the child. Just tell the child to be respectful in voicing his/her opinion.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:18 AM on Jan. 14, 2010

  • Address it right away...trust me it will escalate if you don't
    nikki1012009

    Answer by nikki1012009 at 11:53 AM on Jan. 14, 2010

  • It depends, if I say they can't go to the movies and they reply with "you're so mean, I can' believe you won't let me go" I just reply with "sorry you feel that way but my mind is made up" i let it go, they are entitled to thier feelings. I will however not stand there and debate the issue. Plain rudeness is not tolerated, they are warned and then sent to thier room.
    luckysevenwow

    Answer by luckysevenwow at 12:57 PM on Jan. 14, 2010

  • Most of the time it's not WHAT the child says that parents have a problem with but HOW they say it. Parents tend to react more to the child's tone of voice than to what they actually said. My kids are free to voice their opinions, as long as they do so in a calm voice. The only catch is that I have to actually be willing to listen and try to really hear what they are saying. 90% of the time simply listening to them (as long as they stay calm) has worked really well for us. Our kids do get caught up in their emotions sometimes and forget to use their normal voice, but a reminder is all it usually takes to get them to calm down. I tell them that It's hard for me to understand what they are saying when they whine, plead, yell, etc. I haven't had to deal with my kids name calling, being verbally abusive, or any of those types of behaviors though, so can't really say what I would do if that were happening.
    jessradtke

    Answer by jessradtke at 2:53 PM on Jan. 14, 2010

  • address it asap. you need to teach them to be respectful when they are venting. Try getting her a notebook for her to write her feelings down that way her mouth wont get her into trouble. You can message me anytime. my daughter is 14.
    Texan1993

    Answer by Texan1993 at 7:08 PM on Jan. 14, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.