Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Marriage Bed, Family bed or Co-Sleeping, serious question!

In my house we have a marriage bed. How else is the sex supposed to happen?!

Seriously because I have considered a family bed before as a great idea, but we aren't going to demote ourselves to the sofa or something when its time to be intimate.

Our kids are a member of our family. We are not a member of them...

What I do is lay down with my child in HER bed until she falls asleep and then I get up. Works awesome. But with another baby on the way, I have to consider family bed, or co-sleeping again...

How does the intimacy work in these marriages that don't have a marriage bed?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 2:21 PM on Jan. 14, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • I have never been married,so, I have no idea. My son co-slept. LOL I will say, however, that I have seen LOTS of family bed folks that have many, obviously it is possible. Maybe someone can enlighten us.

    Answer by BradenIsMySon at 2:25 PM on Jan. 14, 2010

  • I'm assuming that most of us had sex while we were living in our parent's home. You figured out ways to have sex without sleeping together in a bed. It was exciting. Sometimes girls even got pregnant without ever spending the night in a bed with a guy.

    If you have a family bed you can figure out ways to have sex. Women throughout time have slept with their babies. Women still do in most places. Life may be a little different but that doesn't mean it is worse. Some babies will sleep part of the night in a bassinet or co-sleeper when they are little.

    There are books on the Family Bed. You might enjoy reading them.

    Answer by Gailll at 2:28 PM on Jan. 14, 2010

  • A dear friend once told me that "that is what the couch is for." At that point she had 2 sleeping in her bed and a 3rd on the way. Her plan was to then move the older 2 (same gender) to their own double bed. Then they moved and we lost touch, so I can't say how it worked out.

    Personally, I always had the baby next to our bed in a bassinet. It was what worked for me and DH. He didn't like the co-sleeping ides. Said that the cat was bad enough, didn't need to compete with anyone else for the space. lol.

    Answer by balagan_imma at 2:32 PM on Jan. 14, 2010

  • I'd actually like to know because the bed is our favorite place. And no we never had to sneak around parents, so we aren't well rehearsed in that...

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:37 PM on Jan. 14, 2010

  • Our 5 month old sleeps in our bed for the most part and our 5 yr old comes in most nights. We try to move our baby into his crib or swing for a little while. We try to do things right after our 5 yr old goes to bed so he is fast asleep in his own bed, but we also shut the door. A few times he tried to come in and I just said that I closed the door so the baby could sleep better or I was changing. My Dh is one of 12 and they slept with their parents until they were 3 or so years old. It works.

    Answer by jombmomi at 2:38 PM on Jan. 14, 2010

  • yeh i'd like to know how that works too

    Answer by huniyxyz at 2:44 PM on Jan. 14, 2010

  • The family bed thing did not work for us. I know some swear by it and would willingly have sex on the couch but that really doesn't have much appeal for us. Not only that, we have had a big uphill battle to get our son to sleep in his own bed because we took the easy way and let him sleep with us to avoid the fight of getting him in his own bed. We finally got him to sleep in his bed by lying down with him until he fell asleep but that eventually became more and more of a hassle. Finally we just started the whole bedtime routine which we should have done a long time ago. He gets his pajama's on and DH or I read him a story then lights out. It took several nights of crying and putting him back in bed but now it's quite a bit easier on everyone.

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 2:47 PM on Jan. 14, 2010

  • I don't see why you have to lay down with your daughter to get her to sleep. Or why you'd have to consider a family bed with another one on the way. I think that their bed should be their bed, and ours should be ours. My children are put to bed in their own beds and put themselves to sleep. Any cuddles or time with mom and dad that they want gets taken care of before they are put in their beds. My bed is mine and my husband's bed. It's our time to be intimate, to cuddle, and just have time to relax with the kids. Without that time we'd never have time together until the time between the kids going to bed and our bedtime, which isn't very long. Considering housework and everything else that needs to be taken care of.

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 3:14 PM on Jan. 14, 2010

  • It worked just fine, thanks. (I use past tense because my husband's motorcycle accident wiped everything out.)

    The bed was the LEAST interesting place in the house even before a baby. Maybe if we'd been able to get a fireplace in the bedroom...

    Answer by gdiamante at 3:44 PM on Jan. 14, 2010

  • Sorry but I am one of those that is totally against a family bed. My husband and I always said before we had our 4 year old that she would not be allowed to sleep in our bed unless she was sick. That is our time to cuddle, watch whatever TV programs we want & have sex when we want. I think the best thing that you can do for your child is be happy with each other & I don't think i would be happy if I had to sneak around my own house to have sex. They can't sleep with you forever, so just do everyone a favor & don't start it! Just because you are having another baby doesn't mean you have to have a family bed. You need to start allowing your child to go to sleep on their own & put the newborn in a bassinet in your room in the beginning!

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:45 PM on Jan. 14, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.