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what can i do to make this better??

i have primary (full custody) custody of my 6 year old daughter she visits her father every other weekend, (while i have 2 other small children at home by my now husband) and when she comes back to me she has an additude, thanks that she can get away with everything, and is mad at me because when she comes back she has to go to school and m i figguring that because i make her do alot of the things that her dad will not! it it realy irratating and makes me mad at her father for all the things that he doesnt tech her, i also have a good reason to belive that he doesnt disipline her and lets her do what she wants when she wants, and no i think she is going though a stage now of why me and her father is no longer together and why she cant go to her dad's when she wants.... PLEASE HELP! ANY THOUGHTS TO HELP SAVE MY AND MY DAUGHTER'S RELATIONSHIP????????

Answer Question
 
ncollins885

Asked by ncollins885 at 2:54 PM on Jan. 14, 2010 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 4 (56 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • Talk to her father explaing what it is that see and how you feel and the damage it is causing your daughter, surely he wants only the best for his daughter. You could seek counsilling. This is a very important issue.
    QandA

    Answer by QandA at 3:00 PM on Jan. 14, 2010

  • what is the relationship you have with your x? If it's fine I would speak to him first and remind him that not providing discipline only makes you look bad. A parent should know that discipline is not a bad thing and him allowing her to get away with murder doesn't help the situation. Plus your daughter may be playing good cop bad cop. I would speak to your x and then let him know that you will need to speak with him in the presence of your daughter. I have the same thing and we are not divorced. But, once you set the motion into place things should work out well for your daughter. Also, you should speak to your daughter's doctor. I know mine helps me a lot with my daughter's behavior. Remember, you daughter wants to please daddy and sure sometimes gets mad at mommy for (1) taking daddy way; (2) making him move out. Open communication is a great key especially with your daughter. You can look at books for help also!
    happynewyorker

    Answer by happynewyorker at 3:03 PM on Jan. 14, 2010

  • whats work best for me is to explain that these are the rules at my house and have to be respected
    and dad has his set of rules at his house
    my son is 8 w/aspergers and he does fine with it
    think of it from dad's point of view (would you want him telling you what to do in your home?)
    cara124

    Answer by cara124 at 3:06 PM on Jan. 14, 2010

  • OMG I could have written this question. Except when my 6 yr old dd goes for visitation it is mostly with my ex-mil and I KNOW she is not being disciplined.
    treynlisa

    Answer by treynlisa at 3:13 PM on Jan. 14, 2010

  • we have a similar situation at our house. My husband has full custody of his 7 year old and he only sees his mom for 6 weeks/year (4 in summer, 1 at the holidays, 1 on spring break). Well his mom spoils him and barely has any rules at her house when he comes, so he CONSTANTLY is comparing our house to hers and also doesn't understand that he has fun there too because it's vacation, not school time. So anyway, we were making ourselves crazy about it but we've come to realize that eventually he will get old enough to understand the deal. He will see that his dad and I do EVERYTHING for him and she doesn't do anything. Some day he will thank us and see that going to his moms house isn't so much fun! Especially once he has more going on and doesn't want to stop everything and go to her house....ya know? Just try to stay calm and when she says stuff to you simply say "well at mommy's house we do it this way" and keep your chin up!
    stepmom929

    Answer by stepmom929 at 3:32 PM on Jan. 14, 2010

  • That sounds like me when I was younger. My parents were divorced and I used to go to my Dad's every other weekend and when I would get back I would give my Mom attitude beyond attitude. My Dad didn't have any rules for me and he NEVER disaplined me either. I know that it's not what you want to hear but it will probably be awhile before she realizes that you are doing what's right for her. As an adult now I respect my Mom but not my Dad. I will tell anybody who asks that it was my Mom that raised me and my Dad that didn't care. So keep your ground and make sure she knows that their are rules in your house and that you won't let her walk all over you. She'll thank you for it someday.
    Juggalette0327

    Answer by Juggalette0327 at 11:13 PM on Jan. 14, 2010

  • If he only has her on weekends he doesn't have to do the day to do stuff. He doesn't have to send her to school or do homework or any of that. So, he doesn't have teach her those things. I don't know why he only has her on weekends, but you can't expect that he is going to teach her the non-fun stuff. I don't know what you think you are trying to make her do that her dad doesn't, but since you aren't there you don't actually know what he is doing. There are going to be different levels of discipline at both homes no matter what. She needs to learn that when she is with you that she follows your rules and when she is with her dad she can follow his rules. I agree that you should talk to your ex though to find out what is going on so you know more...then go from there. if he isn't having ANY rules, than see if he can agree to some, but you wouldn't want him telling you what to do at your house so be careful
    aly38914290

    Answer by aly38914290 at 10:28 AM on Jan. 15, 2010

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