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24/7

i just read the post about being with your child 24/7..i sent my child to pre school and i work pt time.she is in activities.all is good.my question is what becomes of these children of helicopter moms who just cant let go.do they become socially inept.i know of a couple of parents like this that just cant let go for what ever reason.these kids never go out of the house.nor socialize.ive made a point of not making it my business because usually the apple doesnt fall far from the tree.not always...and why do these moms do this.i just dont understand...

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cleo1977

Asked by cleo1977 at 4:34 PM on Jan. 14, 2010 in General Parenting

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Answers (17)
  • I know i didn't have children just to pawn them off on someone else to raise them or take care of them a few hours a day. Unfortunately, due to current circumstances I have to join the work force again. I am NOT happy about this, nor are my babies. But it's reality.

    I think it's good that women can work and raise a family and all that good stuff but they are no better than the mother who shelters her kids either, however, I don't think a mother who chooses to keep her children with her all the time should be condemned nor should the working mom.. Alot of kids in homes like those grow up to be perfectly healthy(mentally and physically) adults and can still function in social circles with other children(cousins/siblings). It's their personal decision how they choose to raise their children and nobody else's business but theirs...I may not agree with how they raise their children, but I'm not going to question it either.
    CinderAmethyst

    Answer by CinderAmethyst at 4:42 PM on Jan. 14, 2010

  • I think they grow some really rebellios kids in the long run. I couldn't believe when we took my youngest to move into the dorm at college just how many 'helicopter moms' there were. My son used to tell me his roomates Mom showed up constantly, uninvited, no wraning. His roomate moved out over a weekend and just told my son "I'm not saying so you can tell her you truly don't know" The Mom shows up freaks out.. "ma'am he's 18"..the whole bag of drama. This same 'kid' wrote to my son 3 years later just as he was getting ready to graduate to say He was in the Marines and still has no contact with his mother. I can't say how often that kind of thing happens..but I know it does happen. They make their own misery in the end.
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 4:44 PM on Jan. 14, 2010

  • I choose not to have my son in daycare until he is close to the age to start kindergarden just /bc I have worked in daycares and i know first hand how hard it is to tend to each child, etc... they just play around and dont get the learning attention they need (at a young age) i'm speaking about my 1yr old son. when my son reached about 4yrs i'll start him in preschool to prepare for kindergarden. But he is still social, I plan playdates weekly, etc and outings. And no I do not have much of a social life besides with other moms and our play dates. I tend to my son all day and I love it. I work from home as well doing freelance photography. My studio is in our house. etc. Another reason why i dont "need" daycare at the moment. but I dont kind anything wrong with being around my child most hours of the day. It gets hard on me sometimes but I dont care. I know he is being tended to properly.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:44 PM on Jan. 14, 2010

  • My daughter stays home because we can afford for me to stay and take care of her, she is still social around other babies, and people. She will go to school and be social there and then make friends at school, and have a social life there. It is hard when they are babies, and it is ok for them they will be just fine. As long as when they get older they have some social freedom it is fine. I want to spend as much time with her now when she wants my attention rather than begging for it when she is older and has other interests.
    truealaskanmom

    Answer by truealaskanmom at 4:50 PM on Jan. 14, 2010

  • I think there is a big difference between the average SAHM and a "helicopter mom" who never lets her kids out of her sight. If anything I am probably the opposite of the heli-mom because I tend to stand back and just watch my kids to see how they handle things before I step in. My ex however is a "helicopter dad" and it used to get on my nerves so much, still does. I think kids need a chance to experience things in order to learn how to handle them - how will they ever learn to do the monkey bars if you don't let them try?
    On the other hand, I am a SAHM and choose to stay home to be with them. I don't think the two go hand in hand. I think there are cases where WOHM can be heli-moms to an extent.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 4:54 PM on Jan. 14, 2010

  • op- green eyed grandma.i am also a nana and i think hind sight is 20/20.....
    cleo1977

    Answer by cleo1977 at 4:54 PM on Jan. 14, 2010

  • just becuase I can managing working from home and not having my Toddler in daycare does not mean that i'm gonna be at his college dorm everyday when he's 19 yrs old.
    Super09Mom

    Answer by Super09Mom at 4:55 PM on Jan. 14, 2010

  • I have always been a stay at home mom. My kids dont go to daycare because I figure I had them and I will be the one to raise them. They have family members babysit, and they do go to Pre-K and then school from there. My kids are 20,18, 16, 10, and 4. My dd is a college student, married, has kids, works and is very well rounded. My 18 yr old has disabilities so I cant really use him as an example. My 16 yr old is on the honor roll, and likely going to UNC when he graduates. My younger two have never suffered socially, in fact I get alot of kudos from teachers telling me what great, well behaved, socially active and friendly children I have. I am a firm believer that IF you CAN stay home with your kids you should. If you cant then you do what you have to do. I dont look down on moms who work bc I also had to. However, people who have kids and dump them in daycare 6 weeks later who DONT have to work, well they make me wonder.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 4:58 PM on Jan. 14, 2010

  • I often wonder the same thing about these kids that are with their parents 24/7 and never do anything on their own, etc. I'm a SAHM and my kids were never in daycare (I stayed home because we couldn't afford for me to work because of daycare costs anyway) but I never spent my entire day with them. Even when they were toddlers and we were all stuck at home all day long I always made sure we spent time doing things separately. They would watch TV while I read a book in another room. They played with their toys in their bedroom (toys weren't allowed in the living room) while I watched TV or did my quilting in the dining room.'
    They are 9, 8, 7 and 3 and have no problems being away from me, there were no tears when they started school, they know how to entertain themselves and they know I'm here if they need me. But they also know how to do a lot of stuff on their own. My goal is for them to not need me any more.
    justanotherjen

    Answer by justanotherjen at 5:12 PM on Jan. 14, 2010

  • Op- hindsight can indeed be 20/20. The facts are the facts though . Another poster made a good point. SAHM and "Heli" moms are not the same thing. I was home with my own for many years with my kids . I also didn't protect therm from every bump and bruise, I didn't make every decision for them. They were allowed to be NORMAL kids. They were allowed to socialize and build a circle of friends. They had school sports, they dated they learned to be individuals from us, their parents. I didn't have to be in their business 24/7. That is a Helicopter Mom..and exactly what drove my sons roommate to take off.
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 5:33 PM on Jan. 14, 2010

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