Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Sister is breaking me down

Hi, I have a sister (she's 28, I'm 31) who I wish I could cut ties with. She is the baby of the family and was very spoiled. She never really learned responsibility. She comes to my house and food shops, until last month I paid her school loans. Ever call is about her. My husband and I found a babysitter, (we have two kids) and she will be starting tomorrow. My sister has been putting me down for finding a babysitter, saying she could hurt the kids. I explained to her that we would never leave the kids with danger, we know she's a good person, we know her. Sometimes I wish she would just go away, I'm tired of her. She spends her money on clothes while I shop on clearance racks for my family. She goes on vacactions & then realizes she has no money. She is so full of drama that even seeing her number on my called id makes me sick. I have a very peaceful family life. She comes over and just complains about the kids. what to do

Answer Question

Asked by CarolinesWorld at 7:42 AM on Jan. 15, 2010 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • sit her down when you have fully collected your thoughts and emotions and try to have a talk with her about how you feel. Set some rules for her. She's not allowed to come to your home and speak negativly etc what have you.........if you two cant make ends meet and cant come to and terms then cut her out of your life. It's YOUR family, your life, your decision. I have almost the same problem, I cut my sister out and it did come back on "me being a hurtful, bad person" for cutting her out of my kids life but it's what I had to do to be sane and happy for my family. GL

    Answer by Bugsmommy1908 at 7:47 AM on Jan. 15, 2010

  • She is spoiled but I have to say you are assisting in it. You pay her school loans, grocery and whatever else and she shops and vacations? I don't think so. You don't have to cut ties with your sister but you can cut her dependence on you. Sure it will be hard for her but hey thats what growing up is sometimes. The sooner she learns to be an adult, the better for her. Its also not fair to your family. Instead of paying her loans you could be putting that in your child's future college funds. She shouldn't be able to take from your family like that. Giving is important but she has gone ungratefully beyond that.
    Now if she's complaining about your kids in YOUR house that has to stop too. Be the big sister and tell her no more talking about your family. It's not what a sister does. If she can't respect you and your family then kindly say you want her in your life but you can't have that in your home.

    Answer by MamaChamp at 7:56 AM on Jan. 15, 2010

  • Ya you are enabling her behaviour to a point. Why on earth would you pay her student loans????? That is just silly. Cut the babying and force her to grow up. She'll learn to stand on her own two feet, even if it means falling on her butt first.

    Answer by Allergic2Stupid at 8:23 AM on Jan. 15, 2010

  • Tell her it's time she found her own fate...without you. Tell her to work off that student loan and quit paying it. She'll never grow if you keep enabling her. Use Tough Love.

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:34 AM on Jan. 15, 2010

  • I know this may sound dramatic, but you have to think of this. If you were to never see your sister again (for whatever reason), would you be satisified with the fact that you told her you wanted to cut ties? This means you know the last thing you said to her before she disappeared for good, was that you never wanted to see her again. Not I love you, but I never want to see you again. I don't know about you, but this might make me feel pretty guilty. With that being said, there is absolutely nothing wrong with tough love and it sounds like that's what she needs. Maybe instead of paying for her loans, you could pay for one consultation with a financial counselor. It sounds like that's what she needs. Stop letting her grocery shop in your house and stop letting her take advantage of you. A counselor would tell you that you are the one with the problem not her because you are letting her use you up.

    Answer by lowencope at 8:40 AM on Jan. 15, 2010

  • I kind of feel the same way right now, except my sister is older. She's always been smaller and prettier than me, and she's always had a good man in her life. Even after she left her husband, who was one of the best men I've ever met, she still ends up with someone who's good looking, treats her kids good, and treats her like a queen. She talks about men flirting with her all the time, and she's never satisfied with what she has but she always has somebody who is good to her. If I sound a little jealous, well yes I am. Anyway, as much as it irks me and gets on my nerves hearing about how wonderful her life is, I still would never want to cut ties with her. She's also one of my best friends and I don't know what I would do without her.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:19 AM on Jan. 15, 2010

  • I agree that you are assisting in it. Get a back bone and stop catering to her!

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:24 AM on Jan. 15, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.