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Has your husband ever said this to you?

"I knew having a baby was a bad idea!"

My employer didn't take enough out for taxes last year, and we discovered this while estimating our taxes last night. My husband was furious. We will end up owing somewhere around $700 for federal and $1000 for state. Hubby doesn't want to make payments to the IRS, since we'll already be in payment debt to hospital bills (I'm due March 2). He was laid off on Tues - the general contractor didn't get a permit for an outbuilding, so the job was shut down until further notice. I work full-time, but we can't live on $286/week in unemployment from him, so he is looking for a new job. He's stressed, I get it. In the middle of his 1 hour tirade last night, he says "I knew having a baby was a bad idea!" After he calmed down, I asked him if he really meant it. He says "Well it seemed like a good idea at the time..." Of course, he was extremely apologetic later, but I am still very hurt.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 2:06 PM on Jan. 15, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • nope

    Answer by gulfcoastmom4 at 2:07 PM on Jan. 15, 2010

  • he just mad and upset he didnt mean it .. when baby is here ask him thendid he mean i bet he will say NO

    Answer by BellaDiamond at 2:08 PM on Jan. 15, 2010

  • Damn, it's not like you bought a new car! It's a baby, not something that can be returned or sold. Hopefully he didn't mean it. And no, my hubby has never said anything like that before.

    Answer by Raine2001 at 2:09 PM on Jan. 15, 2010

  • As you should be. I would imagine that he is speaking from a fear stand point - he is afraid that he will not be able to provide a god life for you and the baby. Congrats by the way and try to focus on being pregnant, the baby and how in a couple of short months you will be holding the COOLEST thing you have ever done in your life!

    Answer by chefronswife at 2:10 PM on Jan. 15, 2010

  • Men are stupid and they say hurtful things when they're upset. I wouldn't read too much into it. He probably feels like a failure and emasculated. Like he should be able to provide and take care of his family and feels bad that is isn't at the moment. Men are really more sensitive than they let on.


    Answer by jenae_gist at 2:10 PM on Jan. 15, 2010

  • I wouldn't take it too personal, he is just talking out of anger and stress, in these tough times it's hard not to get stressed and add a new edition to the picture and that (even though a joyus occasion) is even more stress when you factor in the money situation, every thing will work out even though things are tough right now, you and hubby will figure it out and everything will be okay, I wish you the best!!

    Answer by jsimonds220 at 2:11 PM on Jan. 15, 2010

  • It seems like he rarely, if ever before that statement, complained about having a baby then I wouldn't worry about it.

    He's smart enough to know that a baby and a pregnant wife require money and that's short now.

    Try not to make him more anxious than he is unless he at some point refused to job hunt for any kind of job.

    Congratulations Mommy!!!!!

    Answer by lfl at 2:12 PM on Jan. 15, 2010

  • Sounds like he's just stressed out. It's normal for a man to start freaking out a bit when the reality of the responsibilities that come with a baby hits them. I'm sure being laid off would make this much worse. 

    My husband didn't say anything like that, but I did notice a change in his nonchalant attitude in the last month before the baby was due - he suddenly became a lot more serious and started worrying about the things I'd been worrying about for months.


    Answer by Anonymous at 2:23 PM on Jan. 15, 2010

  • while im sure he was stressed i think i would of had to say something like i didnt climb up on myself and do it all alone, but thats me i hope yous work out your money troubles but just remember money comes and goes and isnt the total key to happiness... good luck

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:23 PM on Jan. 15, 2010

  • No, my husband never said anything like that to me. But, everybody sometimes says things they don't mean when they are upset. If he has apologized, you need to lay it down and let it go. Have you ever noticed that women can say mean things and blame it on their hormones, and everyone is supposed to understand? But let a man say or do the wrong thing, and he is just a selfish pig. Talk about a double standard!!! I seriously doubt that your husband has a mean bone in his body. He may have been thoughtless in his statement, but that is not a hanging crime. I think you should forgive him and that the two of you should work together to find a way to solve your financial crisis.

    Answer by NannyB. at 3:08 PM on Jan. 15, 2010

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