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How would you feel if your husband said this?

My husband and I have been going through a lot of things lately. I was recently diagnosed w/bipolar, started with sever depressed for over a year, finally put on medication and was thrown into a manic tale spin for a year. In that time I cheated, left him & my family. I did a lot of things that I shouldn't have. I admitted to this & have tried hard to work on it with him. While I admit my mistakes, he refuses to take any responsibility for his actions that caused the demise of our marriage over the past 3 years.
Sex has become a huge issue for us. I am tired of feeling used, I feel that my husband has ALWAYS only wanted sex w/me to fill his want for gratification (not love or connection). I asked him if "I was paralyzed from the neck down, what would he do, would he live without sex with me?" He said "I would expect you to know I had needs" I was hurt and felt it confirmed my feelings. How would you feel?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:23 PM on Jan. 15, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (17)
  • I think he is failing to get the point. You are bi-polar, and has he taken any interest in learning more about it? Does he go to counseling with you? Does he care whether you get better or not? Does he want you for anything more than just sex? Maybe your mistakes were do to making you feel worthless, not due to the bi-polar. I personally don't have bi-polar, but he should at least care enough to go with you to counseling, understand why you made your mistakes so he can take account for his part and responsibility in this relationship. The point is not what he said to you, the point is does he love you enough to forgive you and help you through this difficult part of your life. You made mistakes, and these are you consequences, and you will have to earn his trust again, but it's a 2 way street. He has to want the relationship for more than just sex, your not an object/or toy. You are his spouse with feelings.
    FriendforLife

    Answer by FriendforLife at 1:36 AM on Jan. 16, 2010

  • yikes
    idk
    good luck
    mommymeg03

    Answer by mommymeg03 at 4:25 PM on Jan. 15, 2010

  • I would not be offended. He was just telling you the truth. I would be happy that my husband was that into it with me!
    danielp

    Answer by danielp at 4:25 PM on Jan. 15, 2010

  • i would not ask dumb questions like that...atleast he answered it honestly...can you answer honestly what you would do? that would be hard.
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 4:27 PM on Jan. 15, 2010

  • I think this relationship sounds over and too beyond repair. If you feel used and he refuses to accept responsibility for some things, its time for you to work on YOU For your child/children and that means getting away from someone you feel USED with
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 4:27 PM on Jan. 15, 2010

  • Maybe even though working through your affair and sticking it out maybe it still bothers him and he is not telling you that it does, even though you worked through it its almost as if he has something to 'hold over' you now, things like that are not easy for ppl to get over.
    jsimonds220

    Answer by jsimonds220 at 4:28 PM on Jan. 15, 2010

  • Does anyone want to live the rest of their lives without sex? Do you? I don't, and wouldn't ask my husband to either. If I was paralyzed from the neck down, I have feeling there would just be some subjects we didn't discuss (because everybody has needs).
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:31 PM on Jan. 15, 2010

  • He doesn't sound very sensitive to your needs.Would he go to a counciling session with you?Maybe couples counciling would help.If he is not able to except responsibility for his own actions and mistakes then he'll blame you for it all.Thats not going to help you get better.If he loves you he should want to help you even if that meens taking responsibility for himself. I don't know , it sounds like you may have to give him some time as well.If you did allot of things that hurt him while on or off meds.He's going to have to heal too.Just ask him to keep the communication open and ask him to share what he's going threw with you or a therapist.Relationships are not easy to begin with, bt when you add the other stuff, well it's kinda deliberate.'
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:32 PM on Jan. 15, 2010

  • I hate to sound so mean but Karma struck back at you but a double whamy...Now what you need to do is let it go and pick yourself up and do the best that you can with your marriage and the kids (especially the kids you owe them big time) now that the shoe is on the other foot and you have learned and understand from your mistakes move on...GL As far as what your dh said about the sex don't take it too personal those are just words to him but men for some reason they are just born as horn dogs...They never turn down sex and if they do then I guess they could be gay...lol I am talking about a real man that just loves it to death...lol Hope things work out.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:32 PM on Jan. 15, 2010

  • I think that you are really angry at your husband, and very likely, he is very angry at you, too, especially over the infidelity. Sex has become a bargaining tool with both of you, rather than a place to express your love for one another. My guess is that this goes back to the beginning of your relationship and the foundations upon which it was built. I think there is all kinds of hope for your marriage, but I also think that you need some outside help--someone who can be objective about all the mistakes that both of you have made. Most women enter marriage with too high expectations from their husbands. While it is true that sexual release is more of a physical need for men than it is for women, it is necessary that they both realize the true benefits of the sexual relation within the marriage. He needs to learn that it is more emotional with her, and she needs to learn that it is more physical with him. Seek help.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 4:33 PM on Jan. 15, 2010

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