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How are women able to be okay with their husbands watching porn?

I have tried for years now. In the beginning of our marriage (about 5 yrs ago) I tried watching it with him and being into it with him. I did the whole "acting it out" thing and tried to be a part of it with him. I couldn't do it. Everytime I would feel horrible about myself the next few days. I would cry almost non stop for days. I felt disgusting, dirty, and as if there was another woman in our relationship. I didn't ever feel good enough. So after 2 yrs of trying I quit and told him I didn't want to be a part of it. I didn't tell him to stop because that is not my place to decide what he does or doesn't do. For the last 3 yrs I have had a lot of problems with him watching it. My self esteem has slowly deteriorated because of this. I don't ever feel attractive enough for him. He never seems satisfied with the way I look and our sex life. He always has to go watch porn to be satisfied.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:46 PM on Jan. 15, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (22)
  • I get so upset about this I just want to tell him I never want to have sex again. I am at the point where I HATE sex. I want nothing to do with it. It has made me more miserable than anything else ever has.

    I don't feel like I can ever be okay with him watching porn. Him sneaking around watching porn has the same painful effect as if he was sneaking around with another woman.

    I want to know how other women are okay with it. I see it here all the time of women who are fine with their husbands watching porn, or how they watch it with him to get into the mood. I want to know how you do it. I have tried and tried. I pretended for yrs to be into it and to be okay with it, but deep down it is tearing me apart. I feel like a bad wife. That so many other women would be a better match for my husband.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:47 PM on Jan. 15, 2010

  • for me it's simple. He is younger with a higher libido than me. The porn saves me from unwanted sex when I'm not in the mood. And my husband is friggin' adorable! He's always complaining he can't find porn good enough because the women don't look like me :D
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:48 PM on Jan. 15, 2010

  • See...the way I look at is...It's JUST porn. My hubby watches it...sometimes I watch with him. Sure some of the women look way better than me...but he still love me...and still loves having sex with me...and is still attracted to me. I have self esteem issues too...I'm 20 years old with two kids...my body is nothing like it used to be...and I get really upset about the way I look...but he is always interested...If you're hubby isn't attracted to you, ad isn't satisfied with your sex life...then you have bigger problems than the porn. There's something else going on with him. Try talking to him about it. This is gunna sound silly but when I need to talk to hubby about something I'm uncomfortable talking about...I'll write it all down and he will read it...then it's much easier to talk about....Good luck
    michellelee3708

    Answer by michellelee3708 at 5:51 PM on Jan. 15, 2010

  • I can understand that people get upset when their SO's are watching porn...I mean why would a man want to see another woman naked instead of their SO?.....I know where all of that stems from, but being the only girl to a house full of boys growing up and still today (all sons and dad, I'm the only female) I've found that its just curiousity and human nature. I don't mind watching and it doesnt bother me if my so does either. I would find it a little disturbing if that was all he did and what not, but for the most part we'll watch together and if he does he'll tell me about this "great site you have to see" LOL....I think that porn is every individual's couples issue. Each party should establish how they feel about it and if one doesn't agree then it should be addressed. I personally don't mind.
    LynnB1

    Answer by LynnB1 at 5:51 PM on Jan. 15, 2010

  • In my opinion porn is disgusting and I don't understand ppl that can watch it and 'get off' on it, i just don't get it!! Maybe try to dress up or use some toys in the bedroom to draw your husband away from the tv and into the bedroom. Talk to him see whats going on in his head, see if there are any fantasies or desires that you can fulfill for him, catch his interest with something that he enjoys to do, sex is suppose to be romantic, fun, exciting, and 'anything goes' bring the spice back into the bedroom to strike up his interest. Have fun :)
    jsimonds220

    Answer by jsimonds220 at 5:51 PM on Jan. 15, 2010

  • hon, that's a personal issue. you need to spend some time working on you to figure out why you are so badly affected by it- learn how to grow confidence in yourself without needing someone else to make you feel good...that'll improve your sex life too. I can't say you shouldn't be affected, but it's an unhealthy reaction. he isn't looking at it because he is bored or doesn't want you, it is just another type of outlet for a lot of people- men and women.

    ObbyDobbie

    Answer by ObbyDobbie at 5:52 PM on Jan. 15, 2010

  • I don't think I would ever be okay with my SO watching porn on a regular basis without me. I like it more than my husband does though.... IF my husband were to seem like he "needed" it, like yours does, I would have a major problem with it. HOWEVER, I would also know it's not about ME...but about HIM and HIS need or obsession or whatever it may be. Porn can become an addiction for some, and your husband may have an addiction. It's fantasy, and it's appealing to him, but it doesn't have to be "disgusting" or "dirty"...it IS possible to use it as simply another TOOL in the bedroom. Is your husband actually telling you that you aren't attractive enough or good enough? Or is this just your interpretation of it?

    If it's simply how you are taking it & not necessarily the truth, then I propose that you look at porn as more of a tool, than a REPLACEMENT for you. Because truly that could be what it is. It is for me anyway!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:52 PM on Jan. 15, 2010

  • HOnestly, I have no problem with it. See, I think you're looking at it the wrong way. Just because they look at porn, doesn't mean they want to be with those women, or that they don't find you attractive. Men are visual. They like looking at naked women to get their rocks off. But those women aren't real to them! They're just pictures (or movies) of naked women having sex. They don't view them as actual women, believe me. Us women are much more mental than men are (even though I'll admit that sometimes, watching porn turns ME on too). For example, just like men will watch porn to masturbate, we will weave an elaborate fantasy of being stuck on a deserted island with Johnny Depp, and making love on the beach all day and night, know what I mean? That doesn't mean we don't love our SO's, or want to run off with Johnny Depp! It's just a fantasy, nothing more...
    Anouck

    Answer by Anouck at 5:52 PM on Jan. 15, 2010

  • If you didnt like it from the beginning you should have said so. Pretending you like it gave him the wrong idea and you led him on. You can't do that to men....people in general. Its being fake. Had you said something in the beginning instead of pretending, you probably wouldnt be in this situation.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:54 PM on Jan. 15, 2010

  • I watch porn and have no problem with it. I'm not hooked on it. I'd rather watch a good comedy or romance movie but sometimes porn is the right thing to watch for me. SO is ok with it. I asked my adult daughters what they think of porn. I know their long term live in SO's watch it. They don 't seem to have a problem with it but then again the guys don't watch it all the time. They all seem to have a good balance of family, work, family playtime and adult playtime.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 5:59 PM on Jan. 15, 2010

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