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my dh doesn't want to spend time with our kids....not sure what to do?

my dh and I have 4 children. I figured as the kids got older he would take more of an interest in them and their activities. my oldest is 8 and plays soccer, my dh never wants to go to the games or even hang out with them at home. Whenever my dh does want to hang out with them the kids want nothing to do with him....then my dh blames me. I just can't seem to win. I really need some advice. I've always been the one to take care of the kids. my dh seems to only be getting worse. has anyone else been through this?

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Asked by Anonymous at 10:08 AM on Jan. 16, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • It's very common. You can't make him want to step up and be the dad he should be.

    Trying to force him to do it won't do any good. Another man may make a difference. If a pastor or a friend talks to him and encourages him to get involved it might work.

    Let your kids know its not their fault, its just the way he is. Leave your husband alone about it and enjoy your kids. His loss.

    Answer by Gailll at 10:15 AM on Jan. 16, 2010

  • Yes, I've been through this, and unless your husband wants to change and quits blaming you, there isn't a whole lot you can do about it. Don't accept the blame, though. Consistently let him know you are not going to take responsibility for what he is responsible for.

    Answer by Anna92464 at 10:25 AM on Jan. 16, 2010

  • So sad. Why did he want children?

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:40 AM on Jan. 16, 2010

  • It is very normal for the male to leave everything to mom. Remind him that when he is old there will be no bond to have those kids remember him by. You need to create a lifetime bond, kids will remember special times and pass it on to their own. Remind him also that they will soon leave to be on their own and forget about him because he forgot about them now.

    Answer by older at 10:44 AM on Jan. 16, 2010

  • It might be normal for the S/O to leave everything to the mom as in taking care of them, but I don't see it as normal for the dad to not want to spend any time with the kids. It's sad that he doesn't want to get to know his children and spend quality time with them. You can't make him spend time with them though. If he doesn't want to change, then he isn't going to change. Talk with him, try and figure out why he doesn't want to spend time with them. It could be that he feels judged by what you've done that he doesn't feel like he can add up. It also could be that since the kids want nothing to do with him, that he shouldn't try at all. Why don't the kids want to spend time with him? Try and get all of you together to talk this out. Maybe have the kids write the dad a letter as to how they feel about him not spending time with them. The only way you'll get answers is to talk about it with the family.

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 11:32 AM on Jan. 16, 2010

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