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I'm a 17 year old mom, 18 this April, I live at home with my mother. I feel like shes trying to take over my motherhood, when I have my daughter she'll firmly direct my parenting, instead of guiding it. Just as an example, I'm not allowed to go out with my daughter and her daddy, or give her a certain bedtime, or feed her the formula I think is best for her.
I made the choice to keep my child, and not abort her when I became pregnant, I willingly took on the responsibility of becoming a mother.
How do I let grandma understand who gave birth to her?
I know she thinks shes helping, but I'm starting to feel as though my daughter is closer to her grandmother than she is with me.

I have saved enough to move out this April, but in the mean time, I need help solving the issue at hand. This is not something I can wait out anymore.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:06 PM on Jan. 16, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (9)
  • Maybe your mom still looks at you as a child and doesn't feel you are knowledgeable or responsible enough to make the right decisions for your daughter. I commend you for your decision to keep her, by the way. I suggest sitting down with your mom and telling her how you feel. Tell her you love her and appreciate her being there for you and her grand-baby, but you wish she would tone it down a notch and trust you to be the mother that you chose to be. Say that if you need help or advice, which I'm sure you will, we all do, she will be the first one you turn to. Other than that, she needs to sit back and let you learn instead of taking the reigns. Good luck to you and your family.
    nicolemstacy

    Answer by nicolemstacy at 5:12 PM on Jan. 16, 2010

  • I'm a grandmother and my son, dil and grandbaby lived with me for awhile when he was an infant. He is now 16 mo and I take care of him about every other day. I know what it's like being the grandmother.

    I'm a parenting expert, its what I've done for 30 years. Its what Ive studied in grad school. Its been hard for me to not give advice when I haven't been asked. In all this time I have only said something one that they could have been upset about. My grandson has eczema and it was really bad and he was miserable. I thought he should go to the doctor or urgent care center. My son didn't do it. Weeks later I went to the doctor with him and by then it was infected and he needs oral medicine and 3 creams. Enough about me.

    You are an adult, a mother but still a child legally. It is hard for mothers to know when to treat your child as an adult. Its not just your mom, all moms have problems with this.
    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 5:19 PM on Jan. 16, 2010

  • You should have freedom to go out with the baby's father and the baby. I don't know the situation. She made a mistake. Moms make mistakes just like teenagers make mistakes. You are both learning to work this out.

    Talk to her about how you want to make decisions about your baby. Act like an adult when you talk to her. You have to act like an adult all the time. She may be afraid for the baby. I have a 21 year old son and yesterday we had my grandson. He put the baby (his nephew) in the carseat and didn't lock the shoulder straps. I didn't hear the click and asked or I would have driven off with the baby just laying in the car seat. Young people can make mistakes. He is 21! I wasn't upset I just know I always have to check what he does and I wouldn't let him take the baby alone.

    It will be very hard financiallly if you move out. If you can work things out with your mother it will be better for all of you.
    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 5:27 PM on Jan. 16, 2010

  • If you would like I would email you mother and we could talk about being grandmothers and I could try to get her to let you have more control over decisions over your baby.
    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 5:30 PM on Jan. 16, 2010

  • Thanks, I appreciate it Gallll.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:32 PM on Jan. 16, 2010

  • Have you tried being this direct with your mom?
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 6:27 PM on Jan. 16, 2010

  • Try talking with her. My mom tried giving me crap and instilling her ways when I had my son, and I didnt live with her and was 22.
    There is NO reason you shouldnt be able to go out with baby and daddy.
    Its a tough power struggle
    good luck girl!
    mommymeg03

    Answer by mommymeg03 at 8:02 PM on Jan. 16, 2010

  • Yall should (you and mom) watch the latest Supernanny with Jo Frost as is dealt with something similar to this. One idea she gave that seemed to help was for the mothers to set times to communicate on the webchat, phone or in person (about what the kids were up to or whatever) and to put a sign by the front door with mommys name highlighted in the mornings (before she left for work), Grandma's during the day, and mommy's again when she got home so the kids would soon learn who was "in charge".
    txdaniella

    Answer by txdaniella at 8:58 PM on Jan. 16, 2010

  • Talk to your mom, firmly and directly. YOU are the parent of YOUR child and it is up to you to raise your child. Make your mom understand that this is your responsibility and you will raise your child as you see fit. Also, tell her that you are moving out with the baby when you turn 18 and she cannot stop you. You also have every right to bring your child to see it's father and spend time as a family. You definately need to move out as soon as possible.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 10:23 PM on Jan. 16, 2010

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