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Paw Paw died...

My SO's grandfather died almost 2 days ago. He has been having heart related issues for years, and at 88 it finally gave out.

K is the quiet keep it to yourself type, and I have personally lost soooo many people in my life that I am rather disaffected by death in general. What, how, when... I have no idea whether or not to bring it up, or wait for him to- I fear that he will simply prevent himself from grieving, which is what he did when his other grandfather passed a little over a year ago... I don't grieve in any sort of normal way either- How can I help him cope with this loss?

He is in NC at the wake right now... He'll be home tomorrow night.

*Neither one of us is religious- so, please do not bring religion into the equation, its non-applicable.

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ObbyDobbie

Asked by ObbyDobbie at 8:25 PM on Jan. 16, 2010 in Relationships

Level 34 (70,074 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • A hug...
    I wish I had better advice.
    Good luck, and sorry for you family's loss
    mommymeg03

    Answer by mommymeg03 at 8:29 PM on Jan. 16, 2010

  • like mommymeg03 said a hug and just tell him your sorry and your there for him
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:32 PM on Jan. 16, 2010

  • He has to deal with his grief on his own but you can let him know you are there for him if he needs to talk. The hug thing sounds good
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:32 PM on Jan. 16, 2010

  • I say wait for him to bring it up.
    and like meg said, a hug and just be there for him if he needs to talk.

    this may actually be relatively easy for him to deal with considering his grandfather's age. He lived a full, long life. I know I was at peace when my grandfather died. He was no longer dealing all the medical BS and stuff.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:39 PM on Jan. 16, 2010

  • you can't force someone to feel something they aren't ready to, if ever. no one handles death the same as others. sure, there are 'stages' we go through, but who's to say how long each stage last, per individual? you know him better than anyone else, and when he's ready to talk it out, cry it out, scream it out, let it go..he will. you just be there for him, and reassure him that you love him, all of him. sometimes telling your partner that you've got their back isn't as powerful as the actual touch. show your loving side more, make more effort to physically let him know you care. if he's the type to hide things, keep emotions inside, it will make him feel safer knowing he's in powerful, secure hands with you. most men don't talk-they 'do'..with that in mind, they respond better to actions. well, IMO.
    sorry for your/dh's loss, abby.
    thehairnazi

    Answer by thehairnazi at 8:41 PM on Jan. 16, 2010

  • First, I'm sorry for your loss. Grieving is something everyone does differently, and the only advice I can give is to let him come to you when he needs to. Just love him and be there for him,Sweetie. ((((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))))
    Robsmommy

    Answer by Robsmommy at 8:53 PM on Jan. 16, 2010

  • thanks...

    he has a lot of grieving to do, not just where his paw paw is concerned- when we got word that he was in critical condition and on life support, ken broke down and started talking about his ex, the kids, his failed marriage (which he still has not grieved for- it too is a major loss and takes a piece of us as well), his other grandfather... he is one of the very few men that I know who WILL talk, and not just simply act. but it's not at all often... words mean little to him, assurances and such- he believes in actions, not in words.
    we spent a couple hours of lazy time around the house this morning, laid in bed and talked, he let me groom his beard and eyebrows... I guess that's all I can do, right now, just love on him. I wish I was with him right now... he'll be home tomorrow night, so i guess i will see then, how he reacts.
    ObbyDobbie

    Answer by ObbyDobbie at 8:57 PM on Jan. 16, 2010

  • Just be there for him. My husband didn't cry over the loss of his grandfather until he went to the funeral. Men don't like to show their emotions.
    lowencope

    Answer by lowencope at 9:30 PM on Jan. 16, 2010

  • Ok I just wanna say this. When my mom died, I HATED when people stopped talking about her and her death. They'd search for things to say "i'm sorry", "she's in a better place" (the worst) but when life went on, I wanted them to remember. MY life stood still.

    So bring it up. Ask him about memories.
    txdaniella

    Answer by txdaniella at 9:39 PM on Jan. 16, 2010

  • tx~ thats kind of what we did today, we laid in bed and looked at old pictures that all of the fam had dug up and posted, and talked about some of the awesome things he did in his life. I hope he's ok, I wish I could have gone with him, but I'm not close with his family, so it would have been inappropriate of me to even suggest it.
    ObbyDobbie

    Answer by ObbyDobbie at 10:19 PM on Jan. 16, 2010

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