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How would you react when your Father N Law dies?

My hubby father had died jan 13th, 2010 and his father wasnt part of his life for 20 years so it was another man that was raising him n his siblings.my hubby was mad for the simple fact that his real dad left him and his siblings and mom...so I'm like well jamari' thats how life is N im sure he didnt mean to leave yall. but he still got time to spend his life with you and its never too late. N that you need to call him.he'll always say no....now that his daddy died he regrets everything n he says bae i should had listen to you...i was like see jamari life is too short to have regrets man..i feel hurt and the funeral is tomorrow..

 
HisPhatGurl757

Asked by HisPhatGurl757 at 7:35 AM on Jan. 17, 2010 in Relationships

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Answers (4)
  • My hubs dad was absent most of his life too, and it was not until my hubs was an adult that he and his dad had any sort of relationship. They did not have very much time together before his dad died. I did not know my hubs then, but to this day he will still say a few things about his dad or how he felt. What I do is I am just there for him, I listen and let him talk.
    Everyone grieves in their own way. I think you need to give your hubs a big hug and say "honey I am so sorry, I love you and I am here for you" then just be there for him and listen if he feels the need to talk about his dad.
    One thing your hubs can do is write a letter to his dad, tell him what he did not get a chance to say- get rid of the hurt and anger. Maybe he can put the letter in the casket with his dad, or say a prayer and burn the letter. He will feel alot better once he gets it all out and deals with his feelings.
    I am sorry for his loss
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 11:52 AM on Jan. 17, 2010

  • I was mainly concerned for my husband when his father died. I loved my FIL, a gentle man with a quirky sense of humor. I knew I'd miss him, but mainly I new my husband would be upset.

    Your husband is going through normal grieving, it seems. Guilt, denial, remorse. Let him grieve all he needs and for as long as he needs- it is different for everyone. He is likely also mourning opportunities lost. His father was part of his blood even though they weren't close for a long while.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 7:41 AM on Jan. 17, 2010

  • ^^^ "mainly I KNEW my husband would be upset" sorry
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 7:42 AM on Jan. 17, 2010

  • Just because there was no "physical" relationship doesn't mean your dh didn't care.
    It's normal for your DH to have regrets. Thats human nature. That man was his father and even though they didn't have a relationship he is probably sad for was could have been. The blame he puts on himself is normal. He probably wishes things had been different and thinks he could have reached out and made a difference. That may or may not be true but it is normal to think that way. Your husband now has 2 kinds of grief to go through.
    You really are being insensitive to his situation. Maybe it is your way of trying to make him feel better but it comes off wrong. You can't tell your dh how to grieve as there is no "right" way. His feelings are real and you cannot just talk them away. Hopefully he will come to terms but many have become depressed in situations such as this. Just support your husband however he grieves.
    itsmesteph11

    Answer by itsmesteph11 at 8:55 AM on Jan. 17, 2010