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How do you know when its really over?

My boyfrined of 5 years and I broke up becauase we fight too much. We have a 16month old boy and we just had our daughter a month ago. We both still are ofcourse in love with one another but we have alot to work on in order for our relationship to work. I don't want to lose him forever & I don't want Braden to be shuffeled back and forth, he is old enough now that he will know somethings wrong. I just don't know what to do and I need help, I'm so lost alone and heartbroken. I don't want to be with out him but he says he is done trying to make it work out between us. How do I cope with this? I hate crying everymorning and night in front of Braden because he knows that mommy is upset...

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ashnbra1

Asked by ashnbra1 at 9:41 AM on Jan. 17, 2010 in Relationships

Level 4 (34 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • Counseling maybe?? if you two and I emphasize on "the two of you" you can make it work if you try.
    older

    Answer by older at 9:45 AM on Jan. 17, 2010

  • If he isn't willing to work on the relationship, then it is over. Stop crying in front of your child, it isn't good for him. I know it is hard, especially since you just had a baby. But you are strong. Be strong. Let the boyfriend go, be by yourself for a while, be a good mom. Surround yourself with a good support system. Family and female friends that will support you, not tear you down, or encourage a lot of self-pity. Accept that life isn't a fairytale and you will do just fine...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:45 AM on Jan. 17, 2010

  • I wholeheartedly agree with everything anonymous said If he is unwilling to try then you cannot work the realationship by yourself. It is unhealthy for your children to see you in an unlovable realationship also. Your pain will transfer to them. Yes it hurts but it would be better to just be with you and let him visit them then for them to see their father emotionally abuse their mother, Trust me the kids will pick up on it and it will hurt them more in the long run.
    my2kids312

    Answer by my2kids312 at 10:06 AM on Jan. 17, 2010

  • No a 16 month old doesn't know that something is wrong bc he doesn't have the experience to know that mommies and daddies normally marry and live together. What he does "know" is that mommy cries all the time and is stressed over having a new baby so he will start acting out in response to your negative energy. Keep in mind you are dealing with hormones too. I doubt if dad is gone for good. I'm sure he's like many men who think they need a break over a hormonal woman and two kids. I'm not trying to be mean. I'm just saying hang in there, dad will be back but make sure he pays child support while he's away.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:44 PM on Jan. 17, 2010

  • I would suggest couple's counseling, and maybe you should try individual counseling so you will have a safe place away from your kiddos to let out your feelings & learn how to cope with them. If money is a problem, try calling 311 or your local heath & human services office- they should have a list of low cost or free resources. Or Google it!
    If you & he separate for a few months (or even a year), it won't be the worst thing in the world. Your kids are young enough that they won't remember. And if you stay apart permanently, they won't know anything different than y'all living separately. It won't be easy, emotionally or financially, but you can do it!
    Just remember, relationships are NOT a 1-way street. Both people have to work at it. If he's not committed, don't stay. Your resentment, anger, & hurt will build over time, and then your children WILL be old enough to remember the fighting & negativity.
    Good luck mama! ((HUGS))
    emslala

    Answer by emslala at 7:16 AM on Jan. 19, 2010

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