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I see alot of ladies on here talking about how they have sex with their SO's when they don't really want to out of fear of him leaving her because he had "needs" that are required to be fufilled,and apparently its her duty to do so.So,what do you think? Are their sexual needs our responsibility?If we were unable to have sex due to injury or disease,is it their "right" to seek it elsewhere? Is it our responsibility to get them off while we have our periods because of the forementioned right? I see sex as an activity we do together when we both can get pleasure from it,not as a job I'm required to do.My husband agrees.I always figured if one party was unable to make love due to any reason,it was the others responsibility to take care of themselves if the need was that great.


Asked by TMJ121099 at 9:52 AM on Jan. 17, 2010 in Just for Fun

Level 7 (186 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • In a relationship, it is rare for each person's sexual desires to be the same. I think you and your husband are both right. You just need to find a balance. There is no black and white answer. And NO, just because you feel unsatisfied does not give you the "right" to seek sex elsewhere if you are committed to a monogamous relationship...and YOU KNOW that if your partner is under the impression it is monogamous, then it is.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:55 AM on Jan. 17, 2010

  • nope, it's not my "duty" to do anything. it is agreed upon that if one party (for whatever reason) is not interested that they should not be forced to feel obligated. 9 times out of 10 if he tries to initiate, I will eventually become an active participant- sometimes it takes a minute to warm up. however, If I am unable/unwilling to be penetrated then it is not inappropriate for him to request attentions from me... It's not always fun to simply take care of it yourself. likewise, when he has spend 14 hours at the office and is tired beyond belief, he will still make himself available should I desire a romp.
    it is called give and take, and is not a "duty". i feel so sad for women who claim not to enjoy sex, or feel that it is something bad/dirty, or feel ashamed (a very high percentage on here especially), it is so sad. knowing how good it can be, I wonder why the all feel that way? perhaps because they ALL married their 1st?

    Answer by ObbyDobbie at 10:28 AM on Jan. 17, 2010

  • Hey now ObbyDobbie I married my first and I can guarantee you that I am very much enjoying the sex that I get. Sex isn't a duty and I don't think anyone should feel obligated to do it, that being said I'm a perfectly healthy woman and if I am tired and haven't had sex with my husband for a few days and he's been trying to initiate (he's never aggresive about it) then I may just tell him that we're going to have to play around for a second so I can warm up. It's not that I have to have sex with him, there is no excuse for him not being able to wait a few days or maybe even weeks quite contently, but it's a give and take kind of thing. He's had sex with me a few times when he really hasn't felt that up for it so I can return the favor every once in awhile.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:19 AM on Jan. 17, 2010

  • I think a lot of hubbys must suck in bed if there are so many women out there who would rather not have sex then the men must not be doing their part to please them, it makes me sad that these women think the onus is on them to please their hubbys when it's pretty obvious it's the other way around..well to me anyway!

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:59 AM on Jan. 17, 2010

  • Unable is one thing. Unwilling is mean.

    Answer by Pnukey at 1:50 PM on Jan. 17, 2010

  • Never a " duty", if becomes so than theres a BIG problem.

    Answer by jbirchard at 3:18 PM on Jan. 17, 2010

  • I married my first and we have learned together. I don't feel that sex to my DH is my duty, It's an activity we enjoy together. Alhough with kids, jobs and other obligations neither of us gets it as much as we like!

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 8:54 AM on Jan. 18, 2010