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what to do about hubby just not caring?

i have to remind him to bath, brush his teeth, force him into shaving and cutting his hair not to mention by time I get him to bath and brush his teeth IM the bad guy...*shrugs*. When it comes to "his dreams and goals" and him needing to figure those out or me wanting to talk about it with him he always tells me "i have my dream come true, and that's having a family". i feel like he doesnt care.......he should be striving for the best and be determined about things... what do I do???

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Bugsmommy1908

Asked by Bugsmommy1908 at 11:13 AM on Jan. 17, 2010 in Relationships

Level 3 (23 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • JMO, You can not change a person. He has to change for himself. If you do not like what your DH has become. It is time to leave the relationship.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 11:19 AM on Jan. 17, 2010

  • louise, maybe her husband doesn't like what she's become? lol Everyone changes in a marriage. Most people can honestly say they stop trying as hard to impress the person thier married with shortly after getting married! After all you should love that person unconditionally. The only time you should leave a person is if they are physically or emotionally abusing you, really. To leave a person because they don't bathe as much is a little ridiculous.
    I tell my husband he smells and it doesn't make me want to have sex with him or if he doesn't brush his teeth, I wouldn't want to kiss or even smell his breath!
    Be honest with him, and say it's a turn off!!!! GROSS! He'll get the hint! :) Keep at it...some men never grow out of teenage habits! lol
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:31 AM on Jan. 17, 2010

  • If you love him enough to accept and put up with all his faults, it's entirely up to you .my hubby is like that 2.
    joysweet

    Answer by joysweet at 11:39 AM on Jan. 17, 2010

  • omg, that's the nicest thing I can imagine a guy saying. Why can't you accept that his goal in life has been reached? It sounds like he knows his goals and it's your's that are not being reached. You are pushing him to reach your own goals. I see two problems. 1) You two didn't discuss goals before marriage bc you are not on the same page as he is and 2) you are not accepting him as he chooses to be. Why would any woman force a man to do things like shave and get his hair cut? That's his decision to allow them to grow. He doesn't need another mother. Why not be supportive of his decisions? I'm guessing the nagging and controlling is what makes him not want to bathe or brush his teeth. It sounds to me like he's trying to keep his manhood by controlling something in his life bc you have obviously run over him and he feels emasculated. Maybe you should focus on you and your goals and leave him to enjoy his.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:39 PM on Jan. 17, 2010

  • Sounds like he's being passive-aggressive with the bad hygeine.There's no excuse for being all dirty gross! I say if he wants to act like a child in that regard,you are in the right to get on his ass about these things.I see no reason to be reaching higher job wise,so don't feel bad for wanting more out of him.
    TMJ121099

    Answer by TMJ121099 at 2:16 PM on Jan. 17, 2010

  • thanks to those who understood where i was coming from. I never said I didnt love him or except him for what he is....I just wonder what I can DO to HELP him. It's not good for anyone to be dirty, it's unhealthy. And the goal and dream thing.......everyone has dreams and goals and he acts like he doesnt have any so it seems. Even if having a family was a dream....life does not stop there. How about having a dream of a family that is happy, healthy, clean, and goes to spain some day (example!) ? I have my own dreams yes....but as a wife and partner in life, its my job to help my love get to his dreams and goals....how am I suppose to do what I need to if he doesnt let me in is my question.
    Bugsmommy1908

    Answer by Bugsmommy1908 at 2:23 PM on Jan. 17, 2010

  • It sounds like he is telling you the truth when he says that he has his dream: his family. Not everyone has the same dreams and goals. Some dream bigger than others. You may very well have to accept him as he is.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:09 PM on Jan. 17, 2010

  • Hey maybe you can work on some goals for yourself and be an example or maybe do something for yourself.
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 7:21 PM on Jan. 17, 2010

  • The hygiene and such is an issue, I agree, but I think you might be a bit wrong on the dreams and goals. My dream in life has always been to have a family. To have children and be able to stay at home with them, a husband that I can love and support as he accomplishes whatever his dreams and goals are. That doesn't mean that I am lazy or lacking ambition, it simply means that my dreams are different than someone else's. I think that it is wonderful and incredibly sweet that he feels having a family has achieved his goal. No, life does not stop there, but not everyone wants to travel around the world. That's not his dream. As to the family being healthy and happy...well, are they? If not, then there's a problem. If they are, then it seems to me that you might be pushing him to do something that maybe you yourself want to or should do.
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 7:26 PM on Jan. 17, 2010

  • Sounds like he is seriously depressed... Has something happened recently that made this happen?
    RyleighsMoM3505

    Answer by RyleighsMoM3505 at 10:19 PM on Jan. 17, 2010

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