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Which comes first: marriage or family?

I'm missing days at work because our children's caregiver has been sick. I'm able to go in around my husband's schedule and make up missed time, but he doesn't want me to because he wants to spend the time together; it makes him mad that I'm even contemplating it. However, I doubt we can make it on just his paycheck, and I'm not sure when our caregiver will be able to return to work, and it's cheaper for me to stay home than to find and pay another caregiver. We don't struggle much with two paychecks, but we would with just his, very much. I don't want my marriage to suffer because of this, though.

So would you stay home to appease your husband, and consequently your marriage, and try to make ends meet? Or would you go to work anyway to be confident you can make ends meet?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymum at 1:54 PM on Jan. 17, 2010 in Relationships

Level 5 (81 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • I would go to work. If a babysitter is causing this much problems, I could only imagine how many problems living from paycheck to paycheck could cause. Its not like its a permanent thing. You may not know when she is coming back, but she is coming back.

    Answer by armywife2009101 at 1:57 PM on Jan. 17, 2010

  • When a paycheck is just paying for a sitter, yes I would stay home and raise my own children.

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:59 PM on Jan. 17, 2010

  • I think you should SERIOUSLY sit down and figure out ALL of your monthly expenses (including the cost of your caregiver, your commuting costs--which includes lunch, gas, coffee, dry cleaning, new clothes and accessories, manicures, hair/salon appointments etc.) versus what you and your husband ACTUALLY take home. You might be surprised that working and paying for a caregiver often cancel each other out--and if you budget carefully--maybe trim a few "extras" you could actually make ends meet.

    Answer by LoriKeet at 2:10 PM on Jan. 17, 2010

  • admckenzie: Perhaps you misunderstood. My paycheck does not just pay for a sitter. Our regular sitter watches our kids mostly as a favor, out of the goodness of her heart, for gas money. If I were to have to pay a different sitter, my paycheck would just pay for that, which is why I'm not paying a different sitter and am staying home when my husband works. That's not what my question is. My dilemma is whether to go to work when my husband is not working and we wouldn't have to pay for a sitter, or to stay home then, as well, to make my husband happy.

    Answer by Anonymum at 2:11 PM on Jan. 17, 2010

  • LoriKeet: I don't have many work-related expenses. I wear jeans and t-shirts to work, which I would also wear at home. My lunches cost $10 a week. Extra gas is $10-15 a week. Childcare is $20. That's $45 a week, out of my $230-240 paycheck. That's $185-195 a week after expenses that we wouldn't have. We don't have a car payment, or a cable bill; our one luxury is internet, which I would be willing to cut, but when a lost of almost $200 a week is at stake, it wouldn't help much. I know we can't make it work on a permanent basis without my $750 a month, but I don't know how long our regular caregiver is going to be out of work, and thus whether we can make it on just my husband's paycheck until she returns. Thank you for your input, though.

    Answer by Anonymum at 2:19 PM on Jan. 17, 2010

  • I'd go to work.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:00 PM on Jan. 17, 2010

  • My so gets upset when I have to work extra hours and I pisses me off. Hello, I am working, it's not like I am going out and getting drunk or something. Men are so clingy sometimes.

    Answer by jbirchard at 3:16 PM on Jan. 18, 2010

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