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OP here for the question below about "did you get married while still in school?"....

I told him what everyone's responses were and I said if we were married we would get more financial aid and we could live in married housing. He said he wants that but it hurts because his parents want him to graduate first. That they will be really upset if we get married before he graduates.

I almost feel like if he really wanted this then he would. He is an adult now and we have a child. Do you think we should just talk to his parents and get married anyway? Or wait? He won't be graduating until spring 2012 (hes been in school forever bc hes double majoring)

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:12 PM on Jan. 17, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • You have a child you should be married. The universities I lived in wouldn't let couples live in apartment housing unless they were married even if they had a child. One of you could but if the other got caught you would get kicked out. So what you are saying about housing and financial aid makes sense.

    Tell his parents that if they don't want you to get married you will "have" to take him to court for child support. The judge will tell him to get a full time job and support his child. When they think of this financial complication they may back their son getting married.
    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 4:22 PM on Jan. 17, 2010

  • Well, he shouldn't be listening to mommy and daddy being that he is a daddy himself. Im sorry hun, but it looks like he really isn't ready for the big commitment. You should give him an ultimatum, tell him that you want to get married and if you dont, that the relationship wll be over.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:46 PM on Jan. 17, 2010

  • You two are talking about becoming husband and wife. It's time to stop allowing mommy and daddy to make your decisions.

    If getting married now feels right to you then that's what you should do. I married during my Junior year of college and found my last year and a half of college far more easy with the support and encouragement of my husband than when I was living alone. It will be stressful and challenging with you both in school, but your marriage will always have stressors and challenges.

    If you two have a child together, then you should get married as soon as possible.
    ThrivingMom

    Answer by ThrivingMom at 4:46 PM on Jan. 17, 2010

  • He has a plan. I think that is commendable. Since his plan includes marriage to you I'd wait it out. It would have been better to wait on having the child but that boat has sailed. He's a man of vision so I bet he makes it up to you in the long run. I didn't read the first post bc it said for those who did marry while in school....I didn't so I don't know all the particulars. However, if you are not living with him and have the child then establish child support. Even if it's in arrears he still owes it just in case mom and dad are hoping you will go away by the time graduation comes.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 4:52 PM on Jan. 17, 2010

  • I forgot to mention..this isn't his baby. But he's been there since I found out I was pregnant. So that's why I say WE have a child. Because he loves her to death and wants to be a dad to her. So I can't really get child support from him..I don't think I could do that anyway :( But Im not sure if he is ready..
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:53 PM on Jan. 17, 2010

  • I think that you have a good man, and his feeling are important too. Pushing him against his will may cause problems that I am guessing you do not want. He wants to marry you so maybe you too could get engaged and start planning the wedding. they take a lot of planning. This would be a middle point to meet at, his parents have valid opinions and will always be apart of your lives try to respect them since you want them to be your future in laws.
    PsychMommie

    Answer by PsychMommie at 5:41 PM on Jan. 17, 2010

  • I was married @ 17 in HS and now am in college, but it didnt effect my college or financial aid. but you need to get married cus you love each other not over financial aid. im not being mean. im just saying
    bmdred

    Answer by bmdred at 6:10 PM on Jan. 17, 2010

  • To bmdred....we are getting married anyway. We are engaged. He just wanted to wait until he graduates to please his parents. I want to get married now because I love him. He does too but he wants to please his parents. I was trying to figure out a way to get there and if it meant we would get more help if we got married now then that would be an option for us.

    But I think we are going to wait and in the meantime he is going to get a job, and I am going to wait to see how much extra loan money I get. And go from there. Hopefully I will be able to move down there with him in the next couple of months.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:53 PM on Jan. 17, 2010

  • I see nothing wrong with waiting until graduation, but is he going to live his life just please his parents or to make himself happy?
    SpiritedWitch

    Answer by SpiritedWitch at 11:06 PM on Jan. 17, 2010

  • thank you spiritedwitch.....i say the same thing! i dont want to be a bitch and say it to his face but really does he have to make mommy and daddy happy constantly. what about me!

    waiting till graduation is best i think....i dont think we are ready to get married at this point.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:09 PM on Jan. 17, 2010

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