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Why dont parents listen

I have parents that seem to think that no matter what I do to take privledges away from my 12yr old, they go behind my back and do it anyways. She is failing math in a bad way and I took away her horseback riding until she brings her mark up. My parents took her today as I am at work, knowing full well that I told them what was going on. They always do this to me! My mom and I dont see eye to on on the best of days as she tends to forget that she has 2 other grandchildren and one on the way. She favors my oldest in the worst way. I feel bad for my daughter as now I told her that she wouldnt be able to go see Nana and Papa if they continue to do so. I dont think I was wrong in doing this but I feel like I am punishing her for something that was my parents fault. Im so pissed with them!!! I am the parent NOT them!!!! What would you do.

 
newlifewith3

Asked by newlifewith3 at 5:33 PM on Jan. 17, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 5 (67 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • you did the right thing . your parents know she is being punished and so does she. yet they still take her to the lessons . your parents could have said no. your daughter could have said no i'm grounded. but neither of them did. so no you are not punishing your daughter. she knew better too. and your mother is NOT always right.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:26 AM on Jan. 18, 2010

  • not sure but sees like youve got it all under control, time will tell
    mirit.rose

    Answer by mirit.rose at 5:39 PM on Jan. 17, 2010

  • Although dsrespecting you isn't the best way to deal with it, maybe they know a little more than you do when it comes to life.
    From what I have learned from "older" folks is to relax and enjoy life. I have a lot of respect for my elders and try to learn from them. Your daughter will only be young for a very short amount of time. In about a yr or two she won't care about horses one bit, she will be boy crazy. Than you will long for the innocent days of horse riding. Try hiring a math tutor for her. As someone who has a difficult time grasping math I know how frustrated she must be. And instead of understanding her and trying to help, you are punishing her for her short-comings. Maybe the math teacher she has sucks at teaching. The teacher can make a world of difference in how much is comprehended by the students. Talk to her teacher about helping your daughter. Work as a team together.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:53 PM on Jan. 17, 2010

  • Also taking away her time riding horses may not be a good idea because of the benefits it provides. Horse riding is a POSITIVE activity for her. It teaches her self confidence and leadership. Not to mention the excerise. This is a good outlet for her. It shouldn't be used as a threat or even a reward. It should be encouraged as a postive hobby for her. She needs the time to raise her confidence in herself, which may also help her raise her confidence when it comes to math and school work. Having a fun, focused activity may be what she needs to get out her energy so she can focus more on her school work.
    This may be what your parents are thinking and seeing. They have, after all, spent much more time on this earth and learned a few things more than you have. The might be afraid to approach you on their true thoughts because you are just focused on being in control that you have forgotten what is really important.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:59 PM on Jan. 17, 2010

  • 2. I still and really listen to my kids.

    5. Try not to take things too seriously as life is just too damn short!

    6..Respect others even if I don't much care for their personalities.

    7. Learned many things from my children.

    8. Learned that my Mom is always right! lol

    9. I see the beauty in all things.


    I got these things from the Top Ten on your page. Read over them and apply them to your question. Especially number 8 ; )

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:03 PM on Jan. 17, 2010

  • You are pregnant. Just relax. You are probably hormonal and getting overly worked up over everything. It is not worth losing your parents over. Yelling at your mom is not going to help.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:14 PM on Jan. 17, 2010

  • You are not punishing your DD for something your parents did b/c your DD is old enough to say no to going horseback riding when she knows she is grounded from that activity. She, of course, won't see it that way, but oh well, she's the child and you are the momma! As for your parents, you really need to have a sit-down with them and ask them why they insist on undermining your authority and if they won't give you a decent answer, then yeah, you need to limit contact for a while for your DD's best interest.

    Now, about the math, WHY is your DD failing math so badly? Is it a teacher problem? Is the work too hard for her? Is there a possibility of a learning disability that has gone unnoticed b/c she is so bright & has been hiding it? Is there another problem, like maybe bullying in class, that your DD isn't telling you about? Failing math is a symptom, not a problem, so find out what the problem is, then work on it WITH her.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:49 PM on Jan. 17, 2010

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