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How do you handle a 12 year old girl?

I don't know what to do with my 12 year old daughter. My ex-husband moved out about two years ago. Our divorce was finalized in November. I also found out in August that my brother had been molesting (no penitration... just touching over the underwear and taking partially nude pics) my girls and had him arrested. The sentencing is coming up next week. Then, a few days ago my ex-husband was supposed to pick the girls up for his weekend because he takes them every other weekend but instead he texted me and said he joined the Marines and wouldn't be able to take the girls. Now, my 12 year old's attitude has just gotten way out of hand. She is cursing at me, hitting me, yelling all the time, torturing her sisters, and being extremely disrespectful to everybody... even her friends. When I ask her to do chores around the house, she yells "why don't you get off your lazy butt and do it?" What am I supposed to do?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:00 PM on Jan. 17, 2010 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (12)
  • She needs therapy, everything that has happened is very very traumatizing and without proper help she will act out and have serious problems later. You may want to do family therapy as well, she may blame you for what happened to her. I was molested and I blame my EGG donor for allowing it to happen. She needs therapy and you need to be more supportive and understanding of what she has been through.

    Answer by truealaskanmom at 9:04 PM on Jan. 17, 2010

  • Mom, this girl has been through a lot...of course she is going to act out and become aggressive...she needs some serious professional counseling to get past the hurts that she has had in her short life. Please find her some, maybe you too, so that you know how to handle her issues.

    I know 12 year olds can be difficult, but she has been thru the ringer (so to speak) help her! She is probably angry and doesnt know how to deal with her feelings....

    Answer by mom2twobabes at 9:06 PM on Jan. 17, 2010

  • get her in counseling. After the divorce and your brother, she obviously has some issues she needs to work through!

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:06 PM on Jan. 17, 2010

  • She is hurting very deeply. How would you feel to have your innocence stolen by someone you trusted, penetration or not she was assaulted. Her sense of security, safety and even value and worth has been torn away. There is a TON of stuff going on here, she isn't misbehaving she is trying to deal with all her emotions. Being 12 is hard enough but to be in the middle of a divorce, abandoned by her father and molested by a family mother is too much to bear for ANYONE. Now bear in mind I am NOT blaming you or saying your a bad mom but you have to come at this from HER point of view. I would find a support group for her immediatly as well as talk therapy and a psychiatric evaluation to make sure she isn't harming herself or thinking about harming herself. I'm sure she has nightmares and she may need somemedications to take the edge of her strong emotions simply so she can cope cont

    Answer by katiekruschke at 9:08 PM on Jan. 17, 2010

  • get her a journal and give her lots of opportunities to let it all out. Let her scream at the top of her lungs, let her punch the hell out of her pillow, take her to the gym and let her pound on a punching bag, help her to feel safe and secure again, maybe even finding her a mentor would help. You have to understand she has NO idea how to deal with this and realistically you probably dont either. Seek the help of teh pros and those who have walked this road before, it is lonely and cold and NONE of you should have to do it alone.

    Answer by katiekruschke at 9:11 PM on Jan. 17, 2010

  • Get her into counseling NOW. Your brother molested her. Penetration or not, she was raped. She needs help.
    She was molested by someone she loved. She's been abandoned by someone else she loves. Get her the help she needs...SOON.

    Answer by TinaN64 at 9:18 PM on Jan. 17, 2010

  • My daughter is 12 also. It's normal for 12 year olds to act out. I would suggest you get her into counseling. She has a lot on her plate that concerns her family and she needs your attention and someone she can talk to to reveal every emotion inside of her. Be there for her. She may feel disgusted because she was molested and I am sure that image has not escaped her mind and she may feel abandoned by your husband so she needs someones love. Show her that you care about her and that you love her very deeply. Create mother, daughter days where the whole entire day is centered around her and do the things she likes to do. Even if it is a little expensive here and there... she deserves it. I am not saying buy her affection. Show her that you care. And go to some counseling sessions with her to let her know that you support her 100%.

    Give her all the love and help she needs and things will be just fine.

    Keep me updated.


    Answer by Valerie42 at 10:42 PM on Jan. 17, 2010

  • all these answers are great advise. but don't let her forget she needs to still do her chores and respect you and the rules. she also needs reminded that shes a big, STRONG girl and this WILL NOT tear her down. i know everyones jaws are dropped now. i know by so much more experience. this will help to.

    Answer by tronda at 3:57 AM on Jan. 18, 2010

  • Family counseling will help all of you learn how your newly structured family will work best.

    Answer by rkoloms at 7:25 AM on Jan. 18, 2010

  • My daughter was like that and I tolded her dad and her dad put her in her place he tolded her she could not get what she want if she wanted snekers he did not give it to her and she was back to normal for about a week then she was worse she I beat her she was grounded for 4 months when she come from school I was waiting for her and if she would asked up I would smack her in fornt of her friends and she would cry and her friends would laught so she was mad and she got to normal when she see i do it everyday and she all ways embrassed in front of her friends so she stoped cause she wanted to go to her friends house i waited untill school was done and i got her good and she was in tip top shape thats all I got hope it workes out or go to the maruy show or steven walk her will put her in the shape she needs to be in ok

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:20 PM on Jan. 18, 2010

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