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How would you handle this situation so that you did not come out looking like the fool?

How would you handle your babys father's girlfriend who you have past negative HISTORY. This is not a girl that is a stranger, but somebody that has shown their past dislike of you b/c you were invovled with the same guy, and after you had his baby and they got in a relationship, she went around talking how much she hated you, how the baby wasn't even her boyfriends...etc. etc. Baby's father has not been in the picture much up until now, but wants to be, and its a very sensitive subject. Some people tell me not to say anything, but I feel that since she will in the near future at least be around my child a little bit, that I should clear things up. I think she feels I am in love with my babys father, (which i am not), and would be very smug that I have to let her be around my pride and joy little guy. Everyone says I will look foolish wanting to talk with her, so what should I do? Just drop baby off and say nothing?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:18 AM on Jan. 18, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (15)
  • I am not exaggerating when I say she hates me either. She is a very jealus person and I do not want her to think she can use the fact that she will be playing mommy (which I know in her head she will) against me. Dont want to be friends but I think that I have a right to at least be able to say something. Not sure what though. My sister strongly strongly says that I will look really stupid no matter what I say and they will laugh at me afterwards. I feel I might not be at peace when my baby is visitating with father though if there is this negative energy hanging around for the next however long their relationship goes on. There must be a way. I really have nothing against herbc I think the guy is a loser and its his loss he has missed out on the baby stages, and the only thing that pisses me off is her running her mouth.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:21 AM on Jan. 18, 2010

  • Also, do you think that telling him that I would prefer we do not have overnight visits for awhile (a long while actually). I dont really trust his night life and he might think its cool to have a little party and my baby is still young enough to get up and scream until soothed at night. I dont even trust his driving actually and I would go out of my way to do the dropping and picking up but I know this will probably hurt his little man ego so I am hesitante to push my luck. Also how do I approach safety topics? I dont know if they even clean their floor and my baby picks up everything (as most do) not to mention all of the other things that I am not sure a young guy would think about if he has never had to take care of a mobile baby.....I am worried and I want to handle things as maturely as possible with the most immature of people, and I think I am going to hit a brick wall trying to communicate with anyone.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:24 AM on Jan. 18, 2010

  • I would probably try to clear the air with her. Even just for your own satisfaction of knowing that you tried to make the situation better. Be the better person and at least try to talk with her. What she does from there is up to her.
    Aqua_Jen

    Answer by Aqua_Jen at 12:25 AM on Jan. 18, 2010

  • I think talking t;o her would be the mature thing to do, tell her that you don't want any hard feelings, the past is in the past, whatever. Make sure she knows you don't want her man. I 'm sure her real problem is that she is jealous.
    JackieGirl007

    Answer by JackieGirl007 at 12:25 AM on Jan. 18, 2010

  • If you are worried about your child's safety, you need to talk to him. I personally wouldn't leave my child anywhere that I wasn't completely confident that they were safe and well cared for.
    Aqua_Jen

    Answer by Aqua_Jen at 12:27 AM on Jan. 18, 2010

  • Does she live with your ex? It's understandable that could be a huge problem. You don't want anything negative around your child and rightfully so. No matter what your sister says about you looking foolish, the girlfriend looks like a fool. She is jealous and insecure because you had his baby. You could try talking to her but how much good it will do is only a guess. She is showing herself to be immature and if her behavior is that much of a worry, talk to him about just visiting in your home or a neutral location. His being a loser and her being what she is, you might just not want them around your son alone. At least until they can grow up.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:28 AM on Jan. 18, 2010

  • I already tried that but she will not allow him around me so he does not visit. So he went the direct route through the courts so Its not really up to me what I dont like. Its safe to say shes a bad influence on him, but I cant change who hes with. The neutral location is a good idea though, he might understand if I just ask that it be at a family members home. That way i am not on the girls territory. you know how dogs are when you get on their plot of land.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:40 AM on Jan. 18, 2010

  • You don't need to try to "clear the air" with her. She's a bitch, plain and simple. Just tell her straight up "You can dislike me all you want, but you had better not ever talk any kind of crap around my child or hurt my child, or there will be hell to pay". She can be as mean as she wants to be to you, but as long as she doesn't take it up with your child, just let it be. I think it WOULD be foolish to try to level with a knuckle head, because surely, she can't make it up to YOUR level; so why go down to hers?
    BaisMom

    Answer by BaisMom at 2:41 AM on Jan. 18, 2010

  • I would ignore her; she is not worth your emotional energy
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 6:43 AM on Jan. 18, 2010

  • Ignore her - by trying to talk to her you will only fuel her fire.
    PrttyMstng

    Answer by PrttyMstng at 7:05 AM on Jan. 18, 2010

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