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Strange situation.

Alright, what do you ladies do when an ex who was more of a friend then a lover wants to hang out- as friends- and your with your SO? I am a bit confused here. There's nothing going on- that's WAY in the past. And I am very much in love with my sweetheart. However, I just don't know where the line is. If he comes over while SO isn't here, isn't that like, wrong, or something? But if he comes over when SO is here, and SO and he don't really know each other (SO didn't really make an attempt when the guys were here tonight to come out and converse at all) then isn't that time that I should be spending with SO, or awkward for him? And he says that it's fine either way, but I feel like I shouldn't talk to ANY guys (my mother never had male friends, ya know? It was just she and my dad...is that normal? Or do women have male friends and sweethearts at the same time?) I'm new to this part of commitment.

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sweetphoenix529

Asked by sweetphoenix529 at 2:37 AM on Jan. 18, 2010 in Relationships

Level 6 (139 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • I have a good guy friend from high school that we hang out with him & his wife (well we just hung out w/ him before he met her too anyway...) He was MY friend but when I got w/ my husband he became OUR friend. In fact, my husband & him go do stuff together because they are interested in the same stuff. I hang out w/ him too sometimes like go to a movie once in a while. I however dont really hang out with his wife but we do go to their home as a family for dinner & stuff. That may seem weird to some folks but its just how it is. I dont see what the big deal is what sex someone is, if they are your friend then they are your friend.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:42 AM on Jan. 18, 2010

  • My husband has a really good female friend and I am perfectly comfortable with it. I don't have any male friends and if I gained any now, my husband would probably be uncomfortable with it. He has had his female friend for years before we got together, so I'd never ask him to end that friendship. It's something to discuss with your SO and I really think it depends on the relationship and how each person feels about it.
    TruckersWife426

    Answer by TruckersWife426 at 2:50 AM on Jan. 18, 2010

  • It's only wrong of there's something going on betwen you or you find yourself wishing there was and still feel attracted to him in that way imo...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:53 AM on Jan. 18, 2010

  • OK for me this is not so strange a situation. My SO and his ex-wife are the best of friends. They were adult enough to realize they did not make a good marriage but value their friendship. We all hang out together all the time(she's remarried) and I absolutely adore her and even when they are alone together don't worry. So my opinion is there is always room for a good friend.
    ormom1977

    Answer by ormom1977 at 3:36 AM on Jan. 18, 2010

  • My spouse and I both have friends of the opposite gender.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 6:21 AM on Jan. 18, 2010

  • OK ITS NOTHING WRONG IF YOUR EX EANTS TO BE YOU FRIEND KNOWING YOU ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH ANOTHER MAN. THAT IS WHAY THEY CALL THE "EX" FOR AN REASON. HOWEVER IN MY OPINION I THINK YOUR MAN IS JUST B N NICE . COME ONE YOUR EX WANTS TO HANG WITH YOU WHEN HE NOT THERE WHICH MOST OF TIME SPARKS A LITTLE THING YOU MAY OR MAY NOT CONTROL. MAKE SURE YOUR EX KNOWS YOUR BOUNDRIES AND THAT HE HAD HIS CHANCE AND IT;S NOT GONNA HAPPEN. IT IS OK TO HAVE MALE FRIENDS AS LONG AS THEY KNOW YOU GOT YOUR OWN AND THEY CAN RESPECT THAT SO THEY DON'T ATTEMPT TO MAKE A MOVE. TRUST B4 I GOT WITH MY MAN I HAD TO GET RID OF THE GUY FRIENDS THAT CAN CARE LESS IF IM IN A RELATIONSHIP WHICH TO ME WAS A SIGN OF DISRESPECT
    Lele1987

    Answer by Lele1987 at 7:15 AM on Jan. 18, 2010

  • Unless there are still romantic feelings lingering that you or he is afraid you may act on, there's nothing wrong with having a male friend. I have a few male friends, my SO is perfectly fine with that. As he says, if someone's going to cheat, telling them they can't have opposite sex friends isn't going to stop them. He has female friends as well. I don't generally hang out with my male friends, we mostly instant message or talk on the phone. It's not that I don't feel comfortable, it's mostly they live elsewhere or we just don't have the time. Also, the other thing to look at is how your SO feels about it. My SO doesn't mind; I don't mind that he has female friends. We trust each other, and we are comfortable with the situation. How does your SO feel? Does it bother him? Does he not care? Does he have an issue with this particular friend? You might need to talk to SO and find out what he thinks and how he feels.
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 7:26 AM on Jan. 18, 2010

  • My SO has several female friends, but he doesn't go out alone with them to the bar or club. He just knows how it would make him feel if the tables were turned, so he's respectful in how he acts with them. I think you just need to consider how you would feel if your SO were doing the same thing you are. If you're okay with it, it's probably fine. If you're not, then I wouldn't.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 9:14 AM on Jan. 18, 2010

  • The only friends I have ever had were all guys. My bestest friend in the whole world is my brother. We're not biologically related but have been friends a very long time. Though we have never dated and find no sexual attraction what so ever to each other it might be different. My DH is fine with it. He knows we are family. DH doesn't have any female friends and if he did I wouldn't care. It all depends on how secure you are in your relationship.
    wilesmomma

    Answer by wilesmomma at 11:16 AM on Jan. 18, 2010

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