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My son has a best friend who is a "foster kid" and I feel so bad for him....cont'...

I have lunch with my son at school sometimes and my son's friend who is a "foster kid" sits with us. He is a polite, gentle, wonderful little boy who has been through soooo much crap in his short precious life. I just want to reach out and hold him and protect him from everything and give him the love that I give him the same love I feel for my son and protect him from all the crap that seems to follow him.
I'm coming to my point here soon, please bear with me here...
We have been talking about a sleep over for a few weeks. Well this kid told us where he lived and I talked to the foster mom and she was going on like a heartless shrew screaming,"You know YOUR A FOSTER KID and that's not allowed til I adopt you, blah, blah, blah....."
Then he asked if my son could spend the night and she said ok. Then I asked if her "foster kid" could come over for a few hours and play. She ok'ed it. The boys had an awesome time and...cont'

Answer Question

Asked by Starfire73 at 8:53 AM on Jan. 18, 2010 in Adoption

Level 4 (30 Credits)
Answers (21)
  • she came to pick them up and had her bio kid with her who's home schooled and in first grade. He kept running in and out and I asked him nicely to please either stay in or out since I had my friends baby here sitting on the couch. She screamed at him, but he kept on doing it, then continued on and on and on with this kid telling, no, yelling, You know blah, blah, blah...Was this YOUR idea?! Your a FOSTER KID(*Emphasis on the word*) and blah, blah, blah..."
    I told her it was MY IDEA FOR A SLEEP OVER, but she didn't believe me.
    This kid has been in 13 FOSTER HOMES and ABUSED sooo bad!!!
    Should I report her to DFC for her behaviour to this kid fearing he be placed someone else far away or just continue to be here for him. I feel so terrible for him!!! Why oh why do they let these terrible people become foster parents!?!?!?!?!?!
    I'm starting the process of becoming a foster parent. I swear I'm not going to become one of THOSE...

    Answer by Starfire73 at 8:59 AM on Jan. 18, 2010

  • "Lifetime movie of the week" foster parents!!!

    Answer by Starfire73 at 8:59 AM on Jan. 18, 2010

  • first of all that foster mother has NO right talking to him that way at all she is a heartless BITCH i would report her i would try to see if i could take the boy adapot him

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:00 AM on Jan. 18, 2010

  • Being in foster care and having to move so many times in such a short span is hard on any child WITHOUT the added emotional crap this woman is doing to him. Yes, turn her in. She obviously is having difficulties with dealing with this child and he would do better to be moved to another home. Also, this will be put on her record and they'll continue to investigate her. Unfortunately, the system doesn't have enough good foster parents that people like this get to slide by...but this is about the child, and this is emotional abuse big time! Please do what is right for him and turn her in so hopefully he will be removed from her care. If you decide not to turn her in and just be there for him you are just allowing the abuse that must obviously go on at home to also continue. She will continue to abuse him emotionally until he is removed...being there for him outside of the family is great but he needs a real home.

    Answer by AWomansMind at 9:11 AM on Jan. 18, 2010

  • Oh I plan on it! She was being so mean!!!The poor kid was in tears! We got to talk a bit when he was here. I was abused by my father so he opened up to me quite a bit. I'm starting the process here soon. There's a meeting I have to go to in a few weeks.

    Answer by Starfire73 at 9:12 AM on Jan. 18, 2010

  • I would tell her that we were in the process of becoming foster parents, and tell her that in our training that WE were told that embarrassing him, singling out, etc. would not be appropriate. You could tell your instructors what you witnessed and tell them that you are confused on why she would do that? Wasn't that in her training? and let them investigate her.

    The first placements (4 girls) that we kept were for respite care and we had them 5 days because the foster mom's dad was in the hospital. During this time, we learned that a 26 m/o was put in a corner if she wet/pooped her diaper. (They were potty-training.) I was concerned about this, knowing that children regress, normally aren't trained until later, and she was only 26 m/o! I did report her to our FAD worker, who knew her well. She is a very good foster parent, they talked to her, and she later called me and thanked me because she didn't realize that she....

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 9:13 AM on Jan. 18, 2010

  • (con't) probably should have held off on potty-training. That's how her mom did it, etc. (She had been a foster parent for 2-1/2 years and had had 21 placements. She didn't have children and was hoping to adopt.) They (CPS) were really over-using her because she was a really good foster parent who had a relative that worked at CPS. This worked against her a lot of times, because they knew she'd stick around. She didn't mean any harm, she had 4 foster children at that time 5 y/o, 28 m/o, 26 m/o, 12 m/o and was a SAHM. We later became very good friends, and she didn't hold a grudge. She understood why I reported her, and made the appropriate changes. BTW, she later adopted that same 26 m/o & her 12 m/o sister, although they were 3 & 4 y/o at that time. She's a loving mom. It's easy to fall under stress. Everyone needs accountability.

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 9:19 AM on Jan. 18, 2010

  • This is so sad. It is no wonder the children of foster care have emotional issues. Just another prime example that some people should not be foster parents. This child has been moved to 13 different foster homes-where is the stability? how is this child ever supposed to form a bond or an attachment with someone when he is moved numerous times? I do not understand this at all. You need to continue to be there for this little one, apparently you are all he has. Reporting this will most likely only make it worse on him. Atleast at this point you can still see how he is doing. I really question if foster care puts the best interest of the child first. If you really want to help this child check in about adopting him.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:26 AM on Jan. 18, 2010

  • PS-I'm saying definitely report her, but HOW you do it is important. The last thing you need as a new foster parent is an enemy of a current foster parent and you don't know who she knows. Also, be very careful of who you tell afterwards because she might be a friend of hers. (Happened to me.) You don't want her turning it around on you where you are the target on a new playing field. (Didn't happen, but I was worried. Thankfully, they were humble about it, and as I said, didn't hold a grudge.)

    BTW, you definitely have a heart for this child, and you might see (in the event they don't move him) if you could be added as a respite care provider for him (for her.). You would be paid for the care, (not your motive) and she wouldn't lose any reimbursement (in case it's hers) and you could befriend him & advocate for him. He could spend the night if you are a fparent providing respite for another fparent. Again, good luck!

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 9:28 AM on Jan. 18, 2010

  • I thank all you wonderful ladies for the great heart-felt advice. The boys don't have school today so I'm going to see if he can come over to spend the day with us. I am going to mention the "respite thing". I don;t care if I'm paid for it or not. I'm not going into foster care for the money. I mean yes, it will help support the child or whatever, But I plan to put that in a separate account.
    I do meet all the criteria and I am glad they let single parents foster. I'm going to find out more at this meeting and continue to have lunch with my son and this kid.
    He always seems"hungry". I mean I bring extra food in case my son doesn't like the lunch and always make sure I pack a few extra snacks for this kid. He always gets everything he can on the "hot lunch tray". I don't know if this is a growing boy thing or if he's being deprived of food. IDK, My son eats like a bird most days.

    Answer by Starfire73 at 9:41 AM on Jan. 18, 2010

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