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What can I do?

My daughter is 6 and she's a hit or miss on listening. I'm always fighting with her. Today, I'm giving her a morning bath and I have my hand on the side of the door and what was it tooth paste all on the wall. I remind my daughter that she's six and should be doing this. I give her time out all the time and punish her. I don't want to spank her but I feel that this maybe the only way to get her to stop these things. She has written on the walls pretty much at home. I remind her not to, but you come to her room and it's colors all over the place on the walls. I'm getting tired of this. What can I do?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:55 AM on Jan. 18, 2010 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Answers (7)
  • Make her wash down her own walls. She might not be as apt to write on them if she knows she'll have to clean it all off. Be consistent with her and stick to it. She has to understand that a certain action will always recieve a certain punishment...every time.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:58 AM on Jan. 18, 2010

  • try discipline. Standing in the corner, taking away toys, no TV, no sweets, definitely take away the crayons & markers!

    from what you said, I get this image in my head of her doing something wrong and you just sweetly saying "honey, we don't do that" and that's as far as your parenting goes.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:58 AM on Jan. 18, 2010

  • I'd start taking things away. Does she have a TV in her room? Any game systems? What about toys? NExt time she does this.. Take away her favorite thing.. and I pretend to throw things away.. I'll get a trash bag and make a huge scene about this toy is going to the dump because you didn't know how to act. My son picked up on that really quick once we removed the TV, his favorite stuffed animal and all of his game systems and even board games.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:00 AM on Jan. 18, 2010

  • Try supervision.

    Children need attention and if it's not forthcoming, they are ingenius in creating ways to bring it to them. Just being in the same room will eliminate a lot of the attention-getting behaviour you're experiencing. On my blog, I describe the whole of the problem: http://lindaclement.blogspot.com/2009/11/demand-for-attention.html

    I appreciate your moving away from spanking as a solution, but question the value of time-out, particularly as an effective tool for treating children who are communicating a need for attention: time-out fails completely to meet that need, while offering nothing in the way of instruction or a chance to try again or re-learn something valuable. As Alfie Kohn points out, punishment is punishment and the method really doesn't matter much--'sure, time out is better than spanking, but spanking is better than shooting.' All of them are control tactics, not relationship-building.
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 11:04 AM on Jan. 18, 2010

  • I'm not one to sweet talk with her, that's her dad's dept.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:16 AM on Jan. 18, 2010

  • Did she write on the wall with toothpaste? I'd make her buy a new tube with her own money.

    She'd also be wiping down the walls. And markers/crayons/etc would be taken away for awhile to make her understand that that's NOT how those things are to be used. You can return them to her in a time you think is fair (I'd give her a week or two.) If she continued I'd seriously consider throwing them away.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:06 PM on Jan. 18, 2010

  • After you tell her that it is not accpetable to write on the walls and give her what you consider appropriate punishment for her actions...you can get a littl ecreative and buy a big roll of butcher paper, tape several pieces to the wall and tell her that is where she can draw. To kids...the world is a canvas for art and color. Just show her there is a right way and a wrong way...
    Good Luck and try not to pull your hair out in the process! :)
    kimberlyinberea

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 12:48 PM on Jan. 18, 2010

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