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help :(

Its a long story but t cut it short, my boyfriend and I fell on hard times with money because both of us going to school and we had to move in with his parents. He's 21 and I'm 20 and our daughters 19 months old. She is becoming more attached to her grandma (his mom) than me or him. She choose her over us all the time. And pretty much treats me like crap. Hits me, never wants to come to me unless gmas not there, throws stuff at me, etc. Idk what to do..its heartbreaking for me. Anyone been through this or have any suggestions? Please nothing negative..

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:21 AM on Jan. 18, 2010 in Toddlers (1-2)

Answers (7)
  • spend more time with her. she is attaching herself to the person she spends the most time with.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:23 AM on Jan. 18, 2010

  • Do you spend time with her every day in order to foster a bond? When you get home from school, set aside some time just to play and bond with her. During bedtime, have you and your bf be the ones who put her to bed, give her a bath, then tuck her in with a story. It's great she is connecting with grandma but since she does it all day while you're gone, YOU need to be the person she sees when you are home. She'll cry for the first few times, but it'll never get better unless you sit with her while she deals with it, and then build upon having fun time together when you are home from school.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:24 AM on Jan. 18, 2010

  • Well, for one thing, it helps to remember that this child's affection is not a competition. It is also not a limited pie, that once some big share goes to one person the rest of the shares are going to be smaller and smaller.

    19mo is too young to have anything like a real, thoughtful opinion of anyone or anything. There are pleasure's she'll move toward and pains she'll move away from, but she's about as self-aware as a puppy at this point. Which means, she's working hard to get her needs met and to feel safe in the world. If you take her physicality personally, you're in for a long, long road filled with misery and self-doubt.

    19mo children hit people because they have limited self-control and extremely limited communication skills. Hitting and throwing things may mean nothing more than 'that person is in front of me when I move my arms around, or am holding something.'

    ... more...
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 11:26 AM on Jan. 18, 2010

  • She may be sensing you stress and not wanting to be with you because Grandma is not giving the stressfull vibe. As fo the throwing stuff and hiting. Use time out. One min for her age. So since she is 20 months 1min. When she goes in let her know it was not ok what she did and has to sit there till the timer is over.Also explain that if she gets up. you will be put back and timer will start over. If she gets up before time is over. Pick her up and don't say a thing and put her back and start the timer over. When she has sat there for the whole time. Then talk to her again about why she sat there and it is not ok to do what she did and if she does it again. She will have to sit there again. Oh make sure it is somewhere that is no fun. I use the kitchen since there is no TV, toys or books to look at. Then give her a hug and let her know you love her. Good luck
    Raeann11

    Answer by Raeann11 at 11:30 AM on Jan. 18, 2010

  • I do spend a lot of time with her which is why I'm asking for help. I go to school 2 nights a week and work maybe 2. I'm always home to put her to bed and I don't go to work or school till 5 so I'm with her all day and his mom works from 2pm-10pm so my mom or dad normally watches her while I'm at school or work cause my bf works 2nd shift so he hardly gets alone time with her unless I work on the weekends then he gets her all to him self, he loves that lol I'm just so confused on why it seems like she hates me so much.
    sarrrr13

    Answer by sarrrr13 at 11:30 AM on Jan. 18, 2010

  • You are bigger than her and better at predicting the future than she is: when you see her hauling back to hit you, gently hold her hand. Same for when she's throwing things. She can't remember abstract ideas like rules yet (and won't be able to for more than a year), so it is up to you to stop her from hurting people (when you're there --when grandma's there, it's up to her) and hurting her in the process defeats the purpose.

    At her age, she needs love, safe freedom to explore her world, constant supervision and adults who have an understanding of what she's capable of doing and what she's not capable of doing. What she is not capable of doing is forming the intent to harm anyone (it's too dangerous, anyhow --if they retaliate, she's going out a window) or to 'prefer' anyone who loves her over anyone else who loves her. At this point, her memory is about 43 seconds long, anyhow.

    Just love her.
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 11:32 AM on Jan. 18, 2010

  • Try not to let her bonding with grandma get to you. Just work on her inappropriate behavior towards you. I do not exist to my daughter when grandma is there. Grandma is more fun and spoils her to no end! But I know she still loves me. Just spend time with her and keep being mommy. Chances are she loves you just as much, but is favoring grandma for the time being.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:09 PM on Jan. 18, 2010

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