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How has other mom's made their husbands understand that even though I stay at home with the kids, I'm still tired at the end of the day?

My husband works as an Electrician and often has 10 hour days. When he comes home he wants to just sit on the couch and relax. I on the other hand have had just as hard a day looking after our two kids, aged 1 and 3. I want a break and so does he and so I usually end up watching the kids all evening long too. I don't hardly ever get a break. Any clues as to how I get him to understand my point of view?

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Asked by amandasolo at 6:53 PM on Jun. 25, 2008 in Relationships

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Answers (13)
  • We all have to make sacrafices as a SAHM. I dont have any good advice to give except to talk to him about how important it is to have him give you an hour or to so you can de-stress. As a father he needs to spend time with the kids, not just bring in the $$ and sit in front of the TV while you run yourself ragged. Being a dad in more than providing a paycheck. Also having a grandma or aunt or uncle they might be willing to give you this hour or 2. Ask. the worst the answer will be is no.

    Answer by vbruno at 6:57 PM on Jun. 25, 2008

  • well I saw this same thing at my church for mothers day.
    Ask him to take care of the kids one on a saturday and you go somewhere else. then he will know what you go throught every day

    Answer by MyBabyJaleel at 7:03 PM on Jun. 25, 2008

  • I went through the same thing... my husband used to give me those "it's your job" and "you don't work" lines. I told him that during the day, I'm HAPPY to be the mom, the maid, the dog walker, the bill payer, etc. But if he gets nights & weekends off, then I want time off too! I also told him that I don't get paid double for being MOM and MAID, and I sure as hell don't get paid overtime. So I ASKED him if he would take over a couple of the "kid chores" a few times a week. It started with bathtime and a few diaper changes. Now, I don't even have to ask him to do certain things... and a lot of the time he'll help with the chores too. Just start with something small... maybe he could put the kids in their PJ's before bed. Then add on to it... until he realizes that you don't just sit on the couch and watch TV all day.

    Answer by crazysocks830 at 7:19 PM on Jun. 25, 2008

  • I do work part time outside of the home but on the days that my husband is off and I still have to work he gets a little taste of everything that I do and put up with during the day. If you could get away for a weekend or even just one night and he was totally in charge. He would have a new found respect for "your" job that you don't get paid for but you never seem to clock out either. LOL

    Answer by MommyInfinity at 7:40 PM on Jun. 25, 2008

  • Men do not understand that just raising kids is a full time job, let alone taking care of the household. I agree with the other lady to let your husband take care of the kids for a day. See how he feels after that one day.

    Answer by notlott37 at 9:52 PM on Jun. 25, 2008

  • I'm sorry .. but as a SAHM that is what you signed up for. Your husband works long hours, and is probably exhausted by the time he gets home. Does he not deserve to relax?

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:47 AM on Jun. 27, 2008

  • Ummmm I hope the previous post was a joke! You BOTH deserve to relax. No your shifts are 24 hours! Ten hours? Please.
    My husband and I had a similar problem. I know I'm a stay at home but that doesn't mean I do EVERYTHING. When he's home he starts his second shift just like me at about that same time. I got him to help out more by writing him a letter. That way he could read it and not interrupt me or argue with me. I spent a lot of time on this letter and I basically told him I was disspointed and signing up for this marriage and children was NOT what I had in mind. I told him I may not leave him anytime soon but everyone has their breaking point and I know mine would come eventually because I couldn't be happy. My kick in the butt worked well for me!

    Answer by bethany_smith at 11:20 AM on Jun. 27, 2008

  • *** I had to split up my answer!
    He by no means does 50/50 housework but that's not at all what I want! He helps me at night by taking out the trash, feeds the dog, helps me clean up the kitchen and since became more involved in my daughter's bedtime routine. I think what he does is sufficient enough. We BOTH pick up at night and neither one of us can sit down until the LR and Kitchen are clean. But that makes my night end around 8:30 not 10 or 11 where it used to be. I hope I helped out a little bit.

    Answer by bethany_smith at 11:20 AM on Jun. 27, 2008

  • The best way to make him understand that your job is as tough as his is to leave him with the children one day. If he's honest, he'll tell you that your job is actually tougher than his! Not to mention, you're on call 24 hours a day.

    Answer by metairiemom3 at 11:28 AM on Jun. 27, 2008

  • ***I had to split up my answer, too!***
    Yes, he works hard to support the family financially, and that is a stressful responsibility--of course he deserves some time to relax. But, so do you and he needs to realize that. No amount of explaining will help him do that--you have to let him do it on his own so he can see exactly what you do all day long, every day. Maybe, after your experiement with leaving him home w/ the kids one day, the two of you can decide to share the parenting duties from the time he gets home from work until the kids go to bed. If you have a good bedtime routine, this should give you both a couple of hours every night to spend together, or alone doing what you want to do. This is what my husband and I do. He gets home by 6 and helps with whatever the kids need and they are in bed, doors closed, by 8.

    Answer by metairiemom3 at 11:28 AM on Jun. 27, 2008

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