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How do I become a good mother? I have twin boys (1 years old) and they are very independant, I was so proud of that but now I realize that they are not affectionate at all. How can I change this?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 12:46 AM on Jan. 19, 2010 in Toddlers (1-2)

Answers (7)
  • Just play with them and give hugs and kisses you have to do what they are doing and they will appreciate it. Give kisses and hugs every chance you can good luck this phase is hurtful to us but they need it.

    Answer by truealaskanmom at 12:57 AM on Jan. 19, 2010

  • It might just be their personalities. I have two boys, they are 2 and 3. They are both very independent. My oldest is not that affectionate, does not like to cuddle or anything like that. My 2 year old is always giving spontaneous hugs and crawls into our laps all the time. DH and I were just talking about it last night. Sometimes we feel as though we don't give our oldest enough affection compared to his brother but it is because his brother comes to us all the time. I have also wondered if our oldest is this way because he was in the nicu when he was born. I didn't know if those couple of weeks in the beginning w/o as much touch made him that way. I guess what I am saying is I don't know what you can do, sorry. Just keeping giving out all the love, hugs, kisses and attention that you can!

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:03 AM on Jan. 19, 2010

  • I agree with pp but want to add that just b/c they are not affectionate does not mean you are not a good mother - they are boys - just because they don't express their love in the way you want does not mean they don't feel love for you - when they accomplish something do they look to you to be proud of them? that shows they love you - do they want to play and spend time with you?  that shows they love you - they know that you are the one that meets their needs, they may not show it, but they love you.


    Answer by jtchil at 1:06 AM on Jan. 19, 2010

  • Thank you to everyone that answered!!! I really appreciate it. I didn't dare talk to anyone about this. I felt like I was an awful mother.
    I just wanted to say to the anonymous Mom that answered that my boys were in the NICU also, but for a month and a half. Maybe that does have something to do with it. We couldn't hold them for a really long time. They were born two months early. That does make sense though.
    Thanks again.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:32 AM on Jan. 19, 2010

  • My eighteen month old was never in the NICU and I held him constantly when he was a little baby, but before his dad left on deployment he wasn't very affectionate at all. He'd let you play next to him and sometimes you could play with him but most of the time it was just you playing next to him and talking to him about what he was doing, it was just his personality. I think that the children who feel the most secure in their surroundings and their parents and they know that you're always right there for them if they need you are the ones who are less affectionate. Because like I said he was only like that before my husband left on deployment now he is constantly right next to me and if he can't see me he'll come check on me to make sure I'm still right there and he'll come hug me randomly all the time and I think it's because he's afraid I'll leave like dad and he won't understand why.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:34 AM on Jan. 19, 2010

  • The fact that your kids are not super affectionate does NOT mean you are a bad mother UNLESS they are that way because you refuse to give them affection. Your asking the question says to me that that is not the case. Don't worry about it, they are still young. Just be sure to give them whatever affection you can and that they will take and they will be just fine.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:40 AM on Jan. 19, 2010

  • Oh, good. A mother who realizes that independence is not the end all be all! Mom, I'm sure you're doing a great job. One year olds are busy, and being cuddly means holding still. My babies both went through that, and as they got older, became cuddlier.

    Answer by whiteroses82 at 6:13 AM on Jan. 20, 2010

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