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Moms with anger issues

I grew up with in an abusive home. I inherited a temper (to a degree) and have anger issues. I've been really good about our son (11 mos). I walk away whenever I feel my skin start to get hot. But my SO has been down on me lately about it.

He's like "Why do you need to walk off? Why does he irritate you? He's just a baby.. He doesn't know.. What's your issue?" I KNOW it logically.. but I still find myself twitching and irritated atleast once a day where I have to just walk away for a few.

I guess I just want someone to tell me I'm not the only one who has anger issues that has had to keep anger in check since becoming a mother.. and I don't think I'm a terrible person like my SO is making me feel like I am just because I still do get irritated more than other people/him.. I get irritated -- I walk away-- so that should be good enough -- right?

But if not -- like SO suggests it's not -- how on earth do I change?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:01 AM on Jan. 19, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (14)
  • I also have anger issues, I won't lie. I do the same thing. I separate myself from the situation before it amounts or gets serious. My mom did the same thing with us (I asked her) and so does my sister. If a parent tells you they NEVER get aggrivated with their kids then you have just met a bold faced LIAR! =) Kids are wonderful, a true blessing... but they are irritating little $h**s at many moments and you will find as they get older they do it on purpose.
    I have lost my temper and popped my kids butts and hands and such (4 yr old and an almost 3 yr old - 18 months a part) and every time I raise my voice or pop them (open handed on the diaper/pull-up or such, and never hard enough to truly hurt them but just to get my point across) I feel sooo guilty because of my past. I also was abused (by step fathers). I want my children to be fun loving and to have a healthy and happy environment. I always apologize to them and
    Memigen

    Answer by Memigen at 10:06 AM on Jan. 19, 2010

  • i just get inpatient,so i gess u can call that anger also
    angelairelan

    Answer by angelairelan at 10:08 AM on Jan. 19, 2010

  • explain that sometimes mommies and daddies do things they know are bad. The children forgive me (even if you can tell they are still mad at me or hurt) and we hug and I try to make sure I spend extra time holding them and such to show them that I do love them and don't mean to lose my temper. But typically if I get that chance to walk away I am good and they are great.
    No-one is perfect and I'll be the first to admit I know I'm not.

    I'm here if you ever need someone to talk to. = )
    Memigen

    Answer by Memigen at 10:08 AM on Jan. 19, 2010

  • You really should look into talking with a professional and maybe going to an anger management class. It help so much, let things just go and things and your stress level will go down also. GL Your not alone, walking a way to collect yourself is GOOD MOMMA your taking care of you to.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:19 AM on Jan. 19, 2010

  • Good for you for recognizing when you need a break. If more parents who needed a break would take one we'd have alot less shaken babies. Explain to your so that you are going to need to take breaks bc of you & your past, not bc its the baby irritating you. Explain that its about you & your past issues & not what the baby's doing. Explain that you don't want to lose your temper & do something you are going to regret later, this is GOOD parenting!!!!! DON'T leave yourself in a situation where you feel yourself losing control, chances are you'll take it out on your son & feel like the world's worst mother afterwards. Anger is a passing, fleeting emotion, its very hard to stay very angry for long, its so draining. If you want to make a change look into anger management classes that will help you identify why you are angry & help you deal w/ those underlying issues. Good luck & keep doing what you're doing.
    Nyx7

    Answer by Nyx7 at 10:23 AM on Jan. 19, 2010

  • Good job walking away. That is a hard thing to do sometimes but identifying when you are at the breaking point is good.

    I would encourage you to get into some kind of counseling to work out your feelings. A good counselor will help you overcome your temper and anger and allow you to no longer need to walk away so much.

    Best of luck.
    Cafe Jenn

    Answer by Cafe Jenn at 10:40 AM on Jan. 19, 2010

  • Op here)) Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone...

    And just to clarify, I walk away WAY before I'm ever really truly angry. Me getting fully angry is not a good idea.. I stop myself way before it's a "breaking point" ... I walk away when I'm still only luke warm... I have to do that in arguments too because my temper is that bad if I let myself get very angry.

    Is anger management as expensive as therapy?? I don't have health insurance right now and the closest "sliding scale" mental hospital with therapists my cousins work at .. one is a therapist and one is a drug counselor...and that would be embarrassing to me to run into them plus then they'd blab to my family and it'd start a big vahoo about me being in therapy..

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:58 AM on Jan. 19, 2010

  • Your question gives me an anger issue with your SO. If you do go to any type of anger management therapy, I suggest you take him with you so he can develop a sense of reality.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:03 AM on Jan. 19, 2010

  • OP)) And the next closest one my dad is a nurse. After that you're talking 3 hours away.. He has huge problems with me having issues with severe anxiety as a teenager and getting a lot of therapy and missing a lot of school -- he thinks I did it to be annoying and just to skip school... so I'd rather not try to get therapy and have him find out about it..
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:06 AM on Jan. 19, 2010

  • You didn't inherit it, you learned it. Children learn what they live. Try some behavior modification techniques to stop what you are doing. You learned the bad behavior so you can unlearn it as well.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:23 AM on Jan. 19, 2010

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