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Married Moms Vs. Single Moms

I'm a married working mom. I babysit two of my friends' kids several times a week. I feel like my one friend looks down on me because I'm married and have help. I asked my one friend, lets call her Beth, to take my son for the day because we were feeling so sick (we caught a virus from my other friend's kid) and she said she couldn't because she had things to do around the house. Well...my husband and I always have things to do around the house but we do them with our son, her kid, AND sometimes a third kid with us. She got kind of snotty and said that I have my hubby there to help, so I should be able to handle it..she does everything on her own. Well, I feel bad that she's a single mom and works so hard and doesn't have a lot of help...that's why I watch her son for her so often! Not just when she's working but so she can have a days to herself! I kind of feel like its not fair! What do you think?

 
metalhealthmama

Asked by metalhealthmama at 12:59 PM on Jan. 19, 2010 in General Parenting

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Answers (15)
  • i dont feel sorry for single mothers. my mom was a single mom and did a WONDERFUL job. yes it would have been nice to have a dad around, but i am very happy with my life.

    i think that your friend was being self-ish. its possible she was just having a bad day. there are some days that certain things get under my skin that normally wouldn't. i would try not to let it get to you too much. i would maybe try again another day asking her to baby sit. and if she gets snotty with you about having help around the house maybe explain that he isn't much help in a joking manner or something. also, if you are friends she ought to know a little about how life is at your house.

    good luck!! (i didnt get the impression that you felt sorry for single moms by the way, i just noticed that others seemed to think you did and i wanted to be clear that i didnt)
    aly38914290

    Answer by aly38914290 at 11:33 PM on Jan. 19, 2010

  • Every one has the right to tell us "No" and that doesn't require an explanation. If you think she looks down on you, that's another issue and perhaps you should re-evaluate the friendship. Single Mothers do have it harder than couples and that should go without saying.

    Ewadun

    Answer by Ewadun at 1:04 PM on Jan. 19, 2010

  • Sometimes single moms like myself get upset at the fact that people with help still need help. Of course everyone does, married and single but having to do everything by ourselves kind of makes us independent. My parents help me out a lot and I am very thankful for that and would do anything to help them in return if they needed me to but there are people out there that ask for help that isn't really isn't needed. I guess you can say that we really don't understand when there is two to help and we only have ourselves to take care of everything.
    ProudMom_5703

    Answer by ProudMom_5703 at 1:06 PM on Jan. 19, 2010

  • I'm a married single mom (my husband works nights and sleeps during the day), so I know what its like to have to do everything by myself. If I had a friend like you who was willing to watch my DD so I could have a day to myself, I'd do ANYTHING for her! Having a day to do anything I wanted w/o the responsibility of taking care of my DD is like the unicorn, I'll never see it. You're friend needs to realize that you are sacrificing your own time to help her and she should appreciate it by helping YOU when you ask. That's how friendship works.
    kenzie07

    Answer by kenzie07 at 1:06 PM on Jan. 19, 2010

  • Having a friends/neighbors to "swap out" babysitting is a great idea, no matter wether you are married or not. Not very fair of your friend....imo.
    3gigglemonsters

    Answer by 3gigglemonsters at 1:07 PM on Jan. 19, 2010

  • i am a married single mom as well. My husband works 7 days straight, gets 2-3 days off depending on what shift he just finished. So, I find myself alone a lot of the time to tend to all the needs of the home and caring for my 2 year old daughter and playing with her and helping her to develop. So, it's not about true single moms or married ones. It's a case by case basis and everyones lives are different. I don't get outside help. My in laws and parents still work. So, it's me and only me. But, i never look at someone who has extra help and feel jealous or upset about it. I think your friend isn't necessarily looking down on you for having the extra help as being somewhat jealous that she doesn't have someone in her life to help her out. Get what i mean?
    xtwilightx

    Answer by xtwilightx at 1:14 PM on Jan. 19, 2010

  • Wow, I can't imagine that. I'm married, and my friends are married, but they always help us and we help them. 99% of the time unless something comes up. We make time if we have to. When my daughter was sick and hubby and I couldn't take any more time off, my friend (with no kids) took a day off to watch a pucking baby. And her husband used a day off to watch her another time she was sick. To thank them, we help them remodel their house and do dinners. But none of us keep track and I can't even imagine anyone saying no becuase you have help and I don't. We are just there for each other.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:40 PM on Jan. 19, 2010

  • I have never heard that expression "married single mom" I love it! It applies to my whole marriage!! He works 6:30am to 8pm and sleeps during the day. I work 630-430 by the time I see him all the work is done and I know I cannot count on him to do the dishes or laundry when he gets home. This makes me feel so much better! :)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:49 PM on Jan. 19, 2010

  • Yeah, I think you're right, I didn't mean look down on me, just she's jealous. I think she was looking down on me that one day because I couldn't do it by myself, but we were both worshiping the porcelain goddess all day and night. and i know that i'm very lucky to be married and people have the right to say no whenever they want...but just think about it for sec. take down your goggles that make you prejudice towards me because i have help and you're a single mom and think about it! i have her kid at least 4 days out of the week. He's like a nephew to me...I take care of him when I have to clean, run errands, whatever. don't you think it was unfair that she wouldn't help me because she had to clean? My husband isn't always there when I'm watching him! I do a lot of it on my own!
    metalhealthmama

    Answer by metalhealthmama at 2:18 PM on Jan. 19, 2010

  • some people are stubborn and pigheaded they only want to see things their way. it was unfair for her not to want to help you out. but you are a better person and a kinder person for being selfless.
    xtwilightx

    Answer by xtwilightx at 2:43 PM on Jan. 19, 2010

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