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How can I convince my daughter needs her hair cut?

My daughter is very sensitive about her hair. She is almost 9 years old and has ALOT of hair. Every since she was 4 years old she has had it up in a pony tail every day. She won't let anyone else see her with her hair down besides me. Her hair is all one length and when the pony tail goes up, she pulls down a small section of the bangs and let's it hang. Looks like spaghetti noodles! She refuses to get it cut and won't tell me why she won't. It has been almost 2 years and her hair is so damaged. With her having so much hair, it is not easy to take care of. I have even went to the point and told her I would not be doing her hair anymore. It almost seems like she is hiding behind her hair. I have tried counselors and just can't get her to open up about it. I know she is a highly sensitve child after a friend recommended the book "Highly Sensitive Children." Any suggestions/thoughts how to approach this battle?

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Asked by LisaMarie71 at 2:57 PM on Jan. 19, 2010 in Beauty & Style

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Answers (15)
  • shes nine allow her to wash/ brush & care for her hair on her own & ONLY if she doesn't force her to get it cut, but if she is caring for it leave her alone.. I would only encourage her to get the dead ends off.. maybe you can take her to watch you get your hair cut .. maybe that would help.. or maybe she'll trust you to cut off the dead ends, if possible. In the end its hair.. pick your battles & this one isn't big enough to fight over.

    Answer by maiahlynn at 3:05 PM on Jan. 19, 2010

  • Is this a battle you want to fight?
    If so, you are the parent; cut her hair.
    If you are worried it may affect her, then let it go. It is just hair, not nasty underwear she wont change, right?

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:08 PM on Jan. 19, 2010

  • Have you discussed/looked at different hair styles or have you just talked about the idea of cutting her hair? If her hair is something that she obviously has an emotional attachment to I don't think she should be forced to cut it. From the sounds of it, cutting her hair without her permission could be a traumatic experience for her. Maybe her fear comes from simply not knowing how it will turn out. I would try one of those online applications where you can upload a picture and see what the person would look like with different hair styles. Give her the controls and let her play around with it for a while. If she still isn't going for it, just give her some more time. Like maiahlynn said, "pick your battles". Don't make too big of a deal out of it. If you keep pushing she will only put up a stronger resistance.

    Answer by sillyt at 3:20 PM on Jan. 19, 2010

  • It is a battle that has gone on way too long. I used to be a hairdresser and maybe that's why it drives me crazy to see that she doesn't take care of it. Her Uncle used to call her "Cousin It." Her Dad has not been in her life for half of her life and she deals with a lot of self esteem issues. I think part of the problem is when it does get cut, it then looks very bushy since she has so much of it. I have explained to her that if it's cut the correct way, it will look nice. I am concerned on all the breakage that she has at the top and the thin areas. 3 years ago we finally had to sit on her to get her bangs cut and it was so tramatic for her she almost threw up. I have trimmed her bangs while she has been sleeping, but for me to but almost 8 inches would be a bit obvious. I bring her with me every time when I get my hair done and it still doesn't work. As the mother I don't get the underneath problem.

    Answer by LisaMarie71 at 3:54 PM on Jan. 19, 2010

  • You sat on her to get her bangs cut? WTH! No WONDER she doesn't want anything to do with haircuts! Stop worrying about her hair. Stop talking about it, just tell her that when she does want a haircut, all she needs to do is ask, and she can choose the salon, and you will hand her money to pay for the cut and stay out of it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:11 PM on Jan. 19, 2010

  • Tried creative bribery? Put up a "goal" board in her room with chores, good behavior, homework and "special" items such as hair cuts. Jointly decide upon clear cut rewards for completing each stage and clear cut punishments for not completing chores.
    IE: Allow 1in. of hair to be cut = ice cream. Allow another 1in. of hair to be cut = trip to the zoo. Continuing to a final larger reward once she has allowed a predetermined amount of hair to be cut. This would work similarly with chores. Not cleaning the litter box = bedtime reduce 10 minutes. Not cleaning the litter box twice in a row = bedtime reduce 20 minutes and so on. If they clean the litter box every day for the month then they earn a new book or toy. Putting all these items on the board should make getting her hair cut seem like one of many everyday items and the positive feeling of accomplishing and being rewarded should reduce her accumulated anxiety. Good luck! :)

    Answer by SabrinaBean at 6:52 PM on Jan. 19, 2010

  • Tell her she is getting it cut. She is 9. You are the boss.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:55 PM on Jan. 19, 2010

  • It is JUST HAIR. Pick your battles. Instead of turning this into a major battle, turn it into mommy time. Lovingly wash her hair, comb it, cherish it and her. CHERISH HER. She will NOT get that from ANYONE ELSE.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:13 PM on Jan. 19, 2010

  • Look up the symptoms of sensory processing disorder. I bet she has this challenge.

    Answer by Whatkids at 10:17 PM on Jan. 19, 2010

  • Forcing your daughter to cut her hair is ridiculous. From the sound of her last experience, it is no wonder she doesn't want to have it cut again. If she likes it that way, and it is a form of self expression for her, then let it go. Her hair doesn't have to be perfect just because you were a hairdresser.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:17 PM on Jan. 19, 2010

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