Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

my trust issues keep coming up. why?

SO & I are great & every once in a while thoughts creep back in my mind. Over a year ago my SO ex contacted me via myspace and told me they were gonna hook up @ a hotel and she wanted to let me know. I found emails sent to her on his email that were not bad @ all but still they shouldn't be talking @ all. Anyway I don't know what to believe and I just pretty much forgave him for whatever he was going to do or did or whatever.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:54 AM on Jan. 20, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (8)

  • OP here continued...He never admitted to anything. Thees more to this complicated story but point is: I hate that I still feel this way sometimes. It hurts so bad. He's soooo great to me and always has been. He's so trustworthy but somehow I can't fully trust him because of everything. Why do I feel this? How do I deal with it? I want to be with him and trust him again fully. Until he does something to really break it like catching him doing someting and he can't get out of it. That would be the only way we would break up because we are definitely in love and have a great little girl together.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:55 AM on Jan. 20, 2010

  • He should maybe not talk to this ex. It's a trust issue for a reason... it's an issue for you. If you put a limit saying I won't get sick of it till I catch him well you're only hurting yourself.
    mizsaxton

    Answer by mizsaxton at 2:01 AM on Jan. 20, 2010

  • From what little you have shared, you have AMPLE reason not to trust him. The real question in my mind is why you're still with him?

    Ask yourself this. If you could NEVER have sex with him again...would you be with him? If you could never have sex and he was completely out of work, would you be with him? Sex and support are often the two biggest reasons people stay in relationships...if you remove those items from the equation, are you better off with im or without him?

    If you find you are still better off with hium. then counseling is in order to deal with the jealousy issues.

    But I suspect you're better off without.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 2:03 AM on Jan. 20, 2010

  • my guess is someone in your past gave you the idea men or so can't be trusted. as for so ex why would dhe tell you this except to cause trouble . In that case do you trust someone whos purpose is to cause trouble.
    think about who it is that hurt you and made you not trust. put the blame on them so is not them. is so in any way like them. if not then forget this problem and when those little nagging thoughts wiggle into your mind stop and think of all the things you love and all the reasons he has given you to trust him.push the negative thoughts out with good ones.
    mom2snsb

    Answer by mom2snsb at 2:04 AM on Jan. 20, 2010

  • You said you found the emails, so I'm guessing, he didn't tell you she contacted him at all. That would make me uneasy. My hubby talks to friends from his past. People he went to school with, but he always tells me, so I don't mind. I talk to people I went to highschool with, and some of my ex's. He knows, and doesn't care. That's what trust is. Honey, if he didn't tell you she contacted him, that's why you can't trust him. You don't know what else he is hiding, and you don't know what he really had planned. Just because the emails were nothing bad, doesn't mean anything. He could have deleted some of them, or even been talking to her on the phone. He never admitted to anything, but did you talk about this? Maybe that's another problem. If you love each other, then you should be able to talk this out, and put it behind you, but until you know for sure you can 100% trust him, you aren't going to be able to let it go. Good luck.
    Punky_1981

    Answer by Punky_1981 at 2:11 AM on Jan. 20, 2010

  • You have so NOT forgiven him for what you think he was going to do or did. If you had, you wouldn't be feeling the way you are now. You've only paid lip service to forgiving him--and justifiably so! If there is no children with this ex, then he shouldn't be in contact with her behind your back. If there are children, then he has a right and an obligation and it is none of your business as long as the contact is about the children.

    Maybe you should talk to him and use words like 'I feel..." and "I'm scared because..." and 'when I saw that, I thought..." and make sure he hears what you are saying and not what he THINKS you mean. And you need to repeat what he says with "So you are saying..." Be clear and concise. Stay on topic! Be calm not accusatory. Until you are able to trust him, this will continue to hurt you. If you can't trust him, dump him. It isn't fair to either of you otherwise.

    Good luck!
    SimplyLaine

    Answer by SimplyLaine at 6:49 AM on Jan. 20, 2010

  • You say he is "so trustworthy". Well, that contradicts with the fact that he was emailing her and you didn't know about it. It sounds like she had issues and wanted to get revenge, and she managed to do just that. However, your main issue is with him. AND he was not behaving in a trustworthy manner. That is why the issue still comes up. It isn't over for you. You chose to stay with him, so you want it to be over, but obviously it is not. You have trust issues because you are trying to force yourself to trust a man who proved himself unworthy of your trust. you are confused because he has charming and loving mannerisms toward you, and it makes you feel good. But it isn't trust.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:22 AM on Jan. 20, 2010

  • When somebody shows you who they really are, believe them. The first time.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:06 AM on Jan. 20, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN