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step-mom issues

I have been married for almost a year and have been with my hubby for 4 years. have a 15 year old step son who I love and care for as my own, dad is a workaholic lol, and I spend most of my time raising him, cooking cleaning dealing with school, girl problems whatever his issues are. I dont expct him to call me mom but I would love it if he did. I am having some problems with him, his dad has told him many a times that when he isnt there and at work I am in charge and he has to listen to me. He never does, he will willingly do the opposite of whatever I ask which s usually just the minimum, but whenever his dad is around he is so sweet to me. I think the problem maybe that I am 26 and he is 15 and he dosent respect me the same way he does his dad who is 40. Any suggestions on how to get him to listen without screaming and fighting.

Answer Question
 
kalani5o

Asked by kalani5o at 2:09 AM on Jan. 20, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Level 2 (9 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • sorry but I think you hit it when you mentioned your age. you are the age that boys his age fantasise about .
    mom2snsb

    Answer by mom2snsb at 2:15 AM on Jan. 20, 2010

  • try to be his friend not his boss
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 8:47 AM on Jan. 20, 2010

  • if you want something done ask for help and do it together...don't be demanding and "tell" him to do stuff. You will come off being so much nicer if you ask him to help you do something. For example you could say..."can you please help me with these dishes"..start out helping him ...and maybe he will want to continue the dish job. He is not going to call you mom at his age especially if he has a mom.
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 8:50 AM on Jan. 20, 2010

  • i had the same probelm except hubs son treated him like crap too.i just stoped asking him to do stuff like if he left his dish on the table i would leave it there and when his dad got home have him tell his son to take care of it, it was pretty bad here hat boy would put trash on the floor next to the trash can.and was mean to my baby
    angelairelan

    Answer by angelairelan at 9:37 AM on Jan. 20, 2010

  • I have to agree with shay on this one. If you ask for the help instead of telling him to do something he might be more willing to help out. Because then it is an option not a demand.Although if that dosnt help then you might just have to start yelling a bit.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:41 AM on Jan. 20, 2010

  • I think you all need to sit down. His father needs to explain that you are an authority figure...despite your age and that you're a "step-parent." and if you ask him to do something and he doesn't do it, it is the same as disobeying his father.
    metalhealthmama

    Answer by metalhealthmama at 10:43 AM on Jan. 20, 2010

  • I have to disagree to a point. Children have friends...they don't need parents to be their friend. If he lives with you, he needs to do chores or obey rules just like any other kid. Granted even in my house my kids really listen when dad is around. That is a presense you cannot replace. I would ask your DH to talk to him regarding this. He is 15 and some resistance to authority is to be expected even from Bio children. No one would hesitate to correct a bio child, why should he be treated any different. Call him out. Tell him you know he is nicer to you when dad is around...ask him why?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:02 PM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • u should feel good children misbehave with who they are most comfortable with. and i doubt he sees u as a fantasy. u dont see ur fantasies daily bedhead.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:24 PM on Jan. 30, 2010

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