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I am just not inlove

Okay so I am just not inlove with my husband I havent been for awhile, we have two kids and a 3rd on the way, NOW he does take care of everything needed money wise and that sorta thing, he now wants to buy a house, and on one hand I am okay okay i sorta want a house for my kids, but on the other hand I dont want to be stuck with him, I though about staying with him to the kids start school cause it would be easier on me, and on the kids. I really dont need bashing, maybe a little advice, I am in school and working and I would like to save some money and stuff to get things paid off car ect, and finish my degree and stuff before getting divorced is it wrong of me to stay if I know i want to leave someday?? he knows how I feel, he is aware that unless he really changed his ways, I wont stay with him..

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:45 AM on Jan. 20, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • Yes I think it is wrong. The longer you stay the harder it will be on the kids when you do split.
    If you want to leave then leave dont play games like this. Noone wins.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:31 AM on Jan. 20, 2010

  • I've been married for over 16 years and I've made excuses to wait to leave, only to find out when the time came, I didn't want to leave. I've fallen in and out of love with my hubby countless times over the years and it's possible that you will too. With you being pregnant alone, provided there's no abuse, it's not wise to make an important decision like that because of the roller coaster hormones.
    My guess is he's offering the house to try to make her you want to stay, to make you love him again etc...
    If there's a lot of fighting going on, and you're determined that you're never going to love him again, then I'm with the others... putting it off might make it harder on the kids but every situation is different.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 6:45 AM on Jan. 20, 2010

  • Is he abusive? Is he cheating on you? Does he care about you as a person? Will you be happier living your life with 3 children as a single parent? Will your life and that of your children be better without him? Is he a good father? Is he a good husband? That "in love" feeling is mainly hormones, so you need to ask yourself these questions before you leave him. I'm not saying you shouldn't leave him, just make sure you are doing the right thing and it is a mature and well thought out decision.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:37 AM on Jan. 20, 2010

  • Maybe you should try counciling, before you do anything drastic.

    Rachel24517

    Answer by Rachel24517 at 8:16 AM on Jan. 20, 2010

  • I do not think that your feelings are grounds for divorce, especially when you have borne three of his children. Feelings are very fickle. They come and go all the time, and they follow the way we think. You are thinking all these negative thoughts about your husband, who sounds like a very nice man, so you are naturally going to have negative feelings about him. Throw the "D" word out of your vocabulary, and think about all the good traits this man has. Write them down and refer to them every day. Then make up your mind that you are going to do one loving act for him every single day. Love is much more a choice than it is a feeling, and this is the man of your choice. When you think loving thoughts and do loving acts, then the loving feelings will return. It is not the other way around. You don't feel loving and then think and do loving. You have children who need their daddy whom you chose to love, so stay with it
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:47 AM on Jan. 20, 2010

  • How nice for your husband. He knows his wife doesn't love him and you put it entirely on him to change. You are 50% responsible for your own happiness and the current state of your family and relationship. You should be happy that he wants to buy you a home still, despite your attitude towards the marriage and him. I think that says a lot. You will only get out of a marriage what you put into it, so if you want to be loved you need to show love. You need to make an effort to change or work on the relationship not just plan out how to use him and leave him.
    IamPatSajak

    Answer by IamPatSajak at 8:57 AM on Jan. 20, 2010

  • Love comes and goes in some marriages.

    Violence, cheating, or criminal behavior are serious grounds for divorce. But feelings change so rapidly. Plus, you're pregnant! You could be suffering from temporary hormone induced insanity.

    Can you plan a date night 2x a month? That might be all you need.
    ecodani

    Answer by ecodani at 9:48 AM on Jan. 20, 2010

  • if you have already told him how you feel and he is still there then i think you should do what you need to get on your feet. the others might be right it could be harder for the children but wouldn't it also be hard if you left now and you are pregnant with kids to take care of ,that would also affect the children. another issue is that you are pregnant i think i tried to leave my husband like 10 during my pregnacy (i was a b*tch)wait until you have the baby and decide if this is something you really want to do. Marrige is a commentment and it takes two to work but if after trying some counseling and other things your still not happy then do what you need to do,because if your not happy then your family wont be either. best of luck
    concernedmom300

    Answer by concernedmom300 at 12:37 PM on Jan. 20, 2010

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