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I'M FIXING TO LOSE MY MOM...

THE HOSPICE AND DR SAY SHE HAS A MONTH IF THAT LONG. I KNEW THIS DAY WAS COMING BUT I'M NOT READY. MY KIDS ARE JUST GOING CRAZY THEMSELFS. MY DS 15 AND DD 13 HAVE STAYED WITH MY MOM MOST OF THERE LIVES. SHE WAS ALWAYS THERE FOR US. HOW DO I HELP THEM WHEN I CANT EVEN HELP MYSELF RIGHT NOW. MY SON HAS ALWAYS SAID EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON... GOD HAS A PLAN FOR EVERYTHING, BUT HIM, MY DAUGHTER, AND MYSELF JUST DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO? SO IF YOU COULD JUST PRAY FOR MY MOTHER(SARAH STEPHENSON) AND THE WHOLE FAMILY TO GET THROUGH THIS HARD TIME IN OUR LIFES WE WOULD APPRECIATE IT, AND ANY ADVISE ON HOW TO HELP MY KIDS THROUGH THIS.

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okc-mom-2

Asked by okc-mom-2 at 12:52 PM on Jan. 20, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • My condolences to your family.

    Ask the hospice about family grief counseling
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 12:56 PM on Jan. 20, 2010

  • I will say a prayer for you and your family. It's so hard when have to prepare to let go of a loved one. I remember when my grandmother was in a nursing home. She had dementia really bad, and was asking me to pick up her pocketbook and money off the floor so i can go to the store for her. I bent down and "picked up" the money and asked her what she needed. It took everything in me not to break down in tears at that point. I loved her so much. She was the "fun" grandma. That was the last time i saw her. I remember her telling me when i said i loved her , "i love you too my dear".

    I've heard of people having memory parties. It's more of a celebration of the dying persons life. They share old pictures and stories and reflect on all the good times with the person. It's a type of closure and a way to say all you want to say to them before they pass on. Just a thought.

    CinderAmethyst

    Answer by CinderAmethyst at 12:56 PM on Jan. 20, 2010

  • My only advice is to be there for each other. The more you are together, the easier it is, at least for me when my aunt died. I found writting letters to her or notes for myself helped a lot too.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:21 PM on Jan. 20, 2010

  • not sure what to tell you but I lost my mom suddenly August 4, 2007. If you need to vent or a shoulder to cry on just message me.
    pagirl71

    Answer by pagirl71 at 1:33 PM on Jan. 20, 2010

  • I am so sorry that you are going through this. Be there for each other. Visit with her as much as you can. We lost FIL this past summer, and he was only in hospice for 4 days. Each of those days we went and sat for as long as my DD could handle (her brothers were away) and I every day when we left I made her say "goodbye" and "I love you" that way she always got that bit of closure. It helped. It was harder for the child who had been at camp, as FIL died literally an hour before I went to pick him up. He felt that he didn't really get the final goodbye like his sister. He has since gotten past it.

    The other thing we did, since we are Jewish we sat shiva. We had people coming to the house for a week after the funeral. Not only did they give us comfort, but shared memories. It was sad, but also very cathartic. It helped to see how much he was loved by others.

    Again, I am so sorry for your loss.
    balagan_imma

    Answer by balagan_imma at 2:10 PM on Jan. 20, 2010

  • Maybe you can look at it as at least you have a chance to say good-bye and be there. My mom died suddenly in August 2000 after a botched surgery. There was no time to say good-bye. She left for surgery Thursday morning and the last thing I said to her was, "see you later" and I never spoke to her again. Two days later they were getting ready to harvest her organs for donation. It was such a shock I'm not sure how any of us got through. I had a 7 week old baby to care for, my dad was a mess, my brother could barely function and I was expected to pick up the pieces and take care of everyone. It's been almost 10 years and I don't think I've ever had the chance to come to terms with the whole thing.
    We also do the memorial service thing instead of a funeral. The funeral director said it was amazing. We had tons of poster boards covered in photos and every chair was covered in things my mom had made for her family.
    justanotherjen

    Answer by justanotherjen at 2:12 PM on Jan. 20, 2010

  • I am so sorry for what you are going through. I saw my own mother go so far downhill and then pass in 2001, and I do not wish that upon anyone. I will pray for you and your family and I ask you also pray that God give you the strength and his grace to handle whatever may come.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:52 PM on Jan. 20, 2010

  • I went through this, too. My kids were the same ages as yours. I am so sorry. Just be real with your kids. Cry with them. Love them. There is nothing that can make this okay, so all of you just have to accept it, because you have no choice. Be there for each other. Be strong for them. I'm praying for you and yours.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:11 PM on Jan. 20, 2010

  • I'm so sorry.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:51 PM on Jan. 20, 2010

  • I'm so sorry, my mother was in Hospice also. I lost my dad at 16, and then 3 months after i found out i was pregnant (19 years old) my moms heart failed, she went into a coma, and then died on Mother's day. I completely know what you're going through. If you need to talk, feel free to send a message my way!
    wahm_abbeyrose

    Answer by wahm_abbeyrose at 3:19 PM on Jan. 22, 2010

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