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Whyeeee does the amount of happiness I feel....

Have to equal the amount of FEAR I feel? I've been through 2 VERY ABUSIVE relationships...and I have been in counseling, working on myself and ALONE for quite awhile now...I recently met someone who is OH SO SWEET.....just full of compassion and tenderness and HONESTY and KINDNESS... and smart, smart, smart...!!! And funny...CUTE... Just a dream come true as far as emotional maturity..emotional availability...I feel like I've met someone who just instinctively knows how to love me and be a strong shoulder for me...AND IT'S SCARING THE LIVING CRAP OUTA ME!! One minute I feel so happy and LOVED I am absolutely overjoyed and sometimes even crying over it..the next...I'm ready to BOLT...how do I get out of my own way and just be zen about things...in the moment..grateful...CALM...?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:15 PM on Jan. 20, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (5)
  • I know exactly how you feel. I came out of the marriage from hell. I met my SO, and he loves me so much, and I love him so much, but there are times when I get just absolutely terrified and want to run far and fast. Talk to him. Tell him how you feel, what you're thinking. Chances are, he already has a pretty good idea of what's running through your head, and if you don't talk to him, that will only scare him. My SO gets really scared if I start thinking like that, and I don't talk to him. When you talk to him, he can reassure you, he can comfort you. He can know what your fears are and figure out ways to make sure he doesn't do anything to feed into them and give you cause to be scared. Remember that a relationship will fail if you consistently try to put distance between you. In order to get past the fear and make it work, you have to talk to him. As time passes, and you see that he's not like the others, it'll get better.
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 2:40 PM on Jan. 20, 2010

  • I hear ya (been there done that). Just take it one day at a time and enjoy each day.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:24 PM on Jan. 20, 2010

  • Go into this relationship with your head not your heart. Don't run head long into a relationship, take your time getting to know him.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 2:26 PM on Jan. 20, 2010

  • Don't think there's anything wrong with you for feeling this way, we all go through this. Just stay with him and try to trust him.
    rain408

    Answer by rain408 at 3:07 PM on Jan. 20, 2010

  • Just accept the relationship for what it is right now. Don't put any kind of pressure or expectations on it. Keep your eyes and ears open all the time for signs that the dude may be too good to be true. Allow yourself lots and lots of times to develop only a friendship with the man. That means absolutely no sex. Having sex with a man outside of marriage will cloud your view of what his real character is like. Right now, real character as in non-abusive is what is of the utmost importance to you. If he is for real and is as kind as compassionate as you think he is right now, he will be willing to wait. Friendship is the most important component of long-term commitment. So that is the way you should think about the new guy.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 3:30 PM on Jan. 20, 2010