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I feel so incredibly lonely...

I feel so lonely. I have friends and family, and they call every so often. I do not live by any family, and the friends that Ihave in thistown that we have been living in for about 4 years are great. I have groups that Iattend through our church, and alot to do except that I can't shake off this feeling of loneliness. One thing that adds toit is my husbands unwillingness to really talk to me. We can talk about the weather, the kids, what we are goingto do for the day, but anytime I want totalk about anything personal he either falls asleep, or starts trying to have sex. He used to call me during the day and he doesn't do that anymore too. I have two little ones at home with me and it makes me feel so tied down. Is it me? What would you suggest I do?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:52 PM on Jan. 20, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • I beg to differ NannyB. In a healthy marraige, both spouses are able to have deep conversations with each other and share each other's hopes, dreams, fears, and stresses and feel validated.
    TattooedMommy04

    Answer by TattooedMommy04 at 3:29 PM on Jan. 20, 2010

  • where do you live? if u live in boynton beach, florida maybe we can be friends.. have a great day
    glamerous3059

    Answer by glamerous3059 at 2:55 PM on Jan. 20, 2010

  • you dont sound bored you sound depressed talk to the pastor or priest at church or look in to therapy
    cara124

    Answer by cara124 at 2:58 PM on Jan. 20, 2010

  • You need to get your husband's attention and tell him how you're feeling. Let him know that it's serious, because it is! The feelings that you're describing are symtoms of depression and until you address it, it's only going to get worse. But you really need to make your husband sit down and listen to you and let him know how your feeling and what's going on. And always bee sure to use the words, "i feel" because he'll be more likely to listen and not get all defensive. It sounds less accusing when you start off like that. Aside from that though, start doing things for yourself. Even if you don't feel like it, put on some make-up, excercise while the kids are napping, do things that make you feel good after doing them, whatever it may be. You might need to see a counselor or go to marraige counseling if your husband doesn't seem to be getting it. But you'll get through this.
    TattooedMommy04

    Answer by TattooedMommy04 at 3:02 PM on Jan. 20, 2010

  • When I was a SAHM I always had to be involved with other things. I went to college part time, was involved in activities with my kids, and did volunteer work. You can get lonely and depressed spending too much time at home trying to talk to a man.
    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 3:04 PM on Jan. 20, 2010

  • Get out of the house! Stay active. Do things you enjoy. If you can do things you enjoy, it really won't matter much that you are doing them alone. I am lonely as well but I stay active and its not so bad.
    rain408

    Answer by rain408 at 3:04 PM on Jan. 20, 2010

  • OP here Well, I hadn't even considered depression. I guess it could be something like that. What I am feeling is a sort of lack of intimacy with my husband. It is one of those things where I feel as if no one is "seeing me'. They are seeing the outside but no one is really looking in my eyes. Not sure if that makes sense. I feel that the person that should be my best friend is him, but instead I feel as if we are in a business partnership, not a marriage. I know that he feels as if we connect when we have sex, but that is not enough for me. Anyway, the lack of intimacy makes me feel used, and therefore alone as a human.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:10 PM on Jan. 20, 2010

  • It sounds like you are expecting your husband to behave like you would your best girl friend. He 's not equipped to do that, and he knows it. That's why he tries to change the subject to something else. What you need is a good girlfriend that you can pour out your feelings to. Your hubby just cannot relate to you the way you are expecting him to. Only another woman can do that. Guys can relate to guys about guy things, and women understand when women talk about women things. It's pretty near impossible for the two to do cross-overs. You have to appreciate him for the man that he is and look elsewhere for someone who can share your womanly feelings. Then you won't feel so lonely any more. The harder you push your husband to understand your feelings the further away he will retreat. So start looking for a good friend in one of your church groups. She will understand and alleviate your loneliness.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 3:19 PM on Jan. 20, 2010

  • That disconnection with our man can certainly cause depression and loneliness. One of the doctors on tv (Berman?) says to spend 10 min a day talking to your mate about the two of you. Not having sex but just talking about the things you talked about when you were dating. If he's not willing then you may have to sneak it in until he gets used to the topic of you two as a couple again. If you miss his calls then tell him you miss them. Maybe he'll start making them again
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:19 PM on Jan. 20, 2010

  • Is it possible you are being too needy and he is avoiding you because of that? I've been there. What were you like before you got married? Can you be strong and independent? My neediness felt like a burden to my husband, and I no longer felt like a partner to him. After a while he started to resent me for it. (I'm not saying he was perfect either. Just looking at his side of things). As that is changing, he seems to like my company more, and we find more than just the kids and bills to talk about.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:34 PM on Jan. 20, 2010