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I don't know what to do. For the first time in my marriage I have given up and don't want to try anymore

DH and I have been together for 6 yrs. We have had our fair share of problems in it. Everytime there is a problem I have always been the "cheerleader" for our marriage. I have always seen the good in it and worked hard to keep us together. I have fought so much for many yrs to keep our marriage.
In December I started to feel this way. I ignored it and figured that it would go away. It has been over a month now and these feelings are still strong. I just want to give up. I feel like a huge weight is on my shoulders and I just want it off.
I feel like a horrible wife/mother for having these thoughts, but they are very real and I can't get rid of them. I feel as if I have slowly been beaten down for years and years and the damage has finally worn me down.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 5:17 PM on Jan. 20, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • You should look into a private vacation so you can reconnect or try counseling. It comes and goes. You'll get it back!

    Answer by IamPatSajak at 5:19 PM on Jan. 20, 2010

  • You deserve to be happy as much as anyone else. If you can't find happiness in this marriage, then get out of it. You are going to stress yourself out, and it's going to start affecting your health. A person can only take so much. It doesn't make you a bad person/wife/mother. It makes you human. Do what you feel you need to do to get your life back where you want it.

    Answer by Punky_1981 at 5:20 PM on Jan. 20, 2010

  • I FEEL THE SAME WAY!! as if Im the man and everyday im the one calling him cause he doesnt call me or im working all the problems out cause he cant tell me how he feels :S n the list goes onnnn....its been almost a whole year and im so sick of it so i gave up about 2 weeks ago...never felt happier. He doesnt show he cares so why fight for something like that...he doesnt show any love or affection..that was my ''hint'' i was just to slow to pick up on he tells me if he lose me he would be sad and blah blah blah

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:25 PM on Jan. 20, 2010

  • After 20 years of marriage I am recently divorced and I don't recommend it for anyone unless there's abuse (physical, mental, alcoholic, drug...). I was shell shocked when my husband told me and even more shocked when he refused couples counseling even though we have 2 kids. With that said I have friends who have been the one to initiate their dvorces and the one thing they made sure was that they had all their ducks in a row first. One of my friends worked part time and went to full time so she could make sure financially she could manage. Please be sure of what you want because it's not easy out there being single again.

    Answer by SingleMom47 at 5:31 PM on Jan. 20, 2010

  • apparently this is a common feeling around 5-7 yrs into a marriage...5 1/2 years into mine, i just couldnt do it anymore..i was miserable to the point of becoming suicidal...i left and it has been the best decision i have ever made....however, i have heard others say that if you stick it out, it often gets better...sometimes even better than it was before. only you can decide whats best for you. i will say that while my son dose still sometimes have trouble with the fact that his father an i are no longer together (3 years after the divorce) he does say that he is glad that he doesnt have to be around all the fighting anymore.

    Answer by LoriaAnn at 5:31 PM on Jan. 20, 2010

  • I have felt the same way. Recently infact. Though things have gotten better between my husband and I, I still can't shake the feeling that I want to leave. I feel trapped, I feel suffocated, and I just don't like feeling as helpless as I do.

    Honestly, after all you've been through you have to sit down and really decide whether your marriage is still worth fighting for. FIgure out where the weight on your shoulders is coming from and if it is your marriage, or issues you have within yourself. When you figure those things out then go from there. Don't end a marriage without knowing 100% that, that is what needs to be done. Talk with your husband and see where he stands.

    By saying "I have always been the cheerleader", does that mean that he has never faught for your marriage? If not, does he even want to be in the marriage?

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 5:33 PM on Jan. 20, 2010

  • Does he know you're unhappy? A few years ago my dh and I went through this and one of the main problems was communication. He knew we fought like all couples do but he didn't know that I was extremely unhappy with everything. We took the time and worked through it, it was hard work. I think a lasting marriage is hard work. I would try marriage counseling and maybe even some private counseling just for you. After that if you still feel this way then maybe you should try a separation to see how things would be.

    Answer by vowens82 at 6:06 PM on Jan. 20, 2010

  • I felt that way last year and I told him to fix it or cut me loose. I had held it together and it was a struggle. I just stopped trying. It was too hard. I was truly shocked to see he was just waiting for the opportunity to do what guys do, fix things. It's been amazing ever since. Sometimes we have to let go. Talk to him and let him take over

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:41 PM on Jan. 20, 2010

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