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What should I do about sleepovers?

I have a daughter who is almost 10. For awhile now, she will not sleep over at other people's houses; not her best friend's house, her grandparents' house, nowhere. She had spent the night with her friend & grandparents on a few occasions when she was about 3 & 4, but then something changed. I've talked to her about it to see if something happened, but all she ever says is that she misses us. She loves to go on play dates & when she is asked to spend the night, she is fine until night time & then we get the call. She cries & wants to come home. She's missed slumber parties & other fun things because of it. She's getting to the age now that other kids are going to start teasing her about it. She can't keep saying she's not feeling well & go home at every party; they'll figure it out. If it was your child, would you make her stay & hope that this one time will make it easier on her from then on or pick her up every time?

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Asked by Anonymous at 11:50 PM on Jan. 20, 2010 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (14)
  • No, I wouldn't force her to stay. One day, she'll be ready. Right now, she's not. I don't get the big push for sleepovers anyway. It's true, missing the slumber parties is a bummer but when she's ready, she'll go.

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 11:54 PM on Jan. 20, 2010

  • well if your daughter is not feeling comfortable in sleepover don't force her. talk to her why she doesn't want . what is she afraid off. there could be something.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:55 PM on Jan. 20, 2010

  • personally i would arrange a weekend with my parents where she could stay with them for a night or two WITHOUT you...and when she calls at night just tell her that you love her and u will see her in the morning! my daughter began that phase, but after she cried herself to sleep at my mothers bc i was working that night she didnt want to come home anymore. she is probably just a little scared, and if u keep rushing to get her then she will not learn to cope without being with you guys. getting her from a sleepover when she cries is one thing but i would try to build up her confindence in being without u over night by a trial at the grandparents house

    Answer by secondtyme520 at 11:55 PM on Jan. 20, 2010

  • if she's not comfortable doing it then NO. why don't you invite her friends for sleepover in your house. start doing that then. that will be the start for a sleepover for her. Specially right now an days you never know. it"s hard to say but sometimes we have to be careful with sleepovers too.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:59 PM on Jan. 20, 2010

  • i wouldnt push it too much, but i would try to find out what changed. because it seems strange that she use to be okay with sleeping over and isn't anymore. if you can remember the first sleep over that you had to pick her up from that would be a good place to start. i also like the idea of having a sleep overs at your house. could you ever also have your mom come over to your house and stay the night with her, while you and hubby go out for the night. that way its like sleeping over somewhere, but she is in her own house....but you guys still aren't there... i don't know if it would work, but it could be something to try.

    Answer by aly38914290 at 12:17 AM on Jan. 21, 2010

  • It depends on why she's not comfortable. If she just misses you that's not the real answer. I would let her lead on this one. She can always blame it on you if you're worried about people teasing her. She can say well my mom doesn't allow sleep-overs until i'm 13 or something like that. Then you can be the bad guy and she doesn't have to get teased. It's pretty normal most kids do that and I wouldn't worry about it just yet. Some kids are more independent than others let her try out her big girl shoes in her own time.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:19 AM on Jan. 21, 2010

  • What about having a sleepover at your house?

    Answer by rkoloms at 5:58 AM on Jan. 21, 2010

  • I would encourage her to go but not force her. I hated sleepovers!

    Answer by Melissa823 at 6:54 AM on Jan. 21, 2010

  • no no i would not force her at all! I wasn't allowed to go growing up and though i would be mad about it, i was better off! Sometimes you are better off! But i would definitely wanna know what is up with her... it's somewhat odd behavior.. maybe something had happened when she was younger and doesnt want to tell you!

    Answer by AngieS25 at 10:23 AM on Jan. 21, 2010

  • No, I would not force her to stay. Just explain she doesn't sleep over. Making her stay will only create tension.
    Like a previous poster said, I hated sleep overs. There was only one person's house that I would ever stay at, and I was 14 before I'd even stay there.

    Answer by TinaN64 at 11:21 AM on Jan. 21, 2010

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