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Are you one of those people who think people should fend for themselves?

I see alot of people on here that bitch and complain about giving donations and even freakin baby showers. What is the big deal? Why is it such a horrible thing to give or be the person recieving the giving? Do you not have compassion?

Answer Question

Asked by Imogine at 4:40 AM on Jan. 21, 2010 in Relationships

Level 22 (14,425 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • I love giving presents it is fun. I find that some people here have a "I didn't get one so no one else should either" attitude. I say be happy for people

    Answer by Amelora at 4:59 AM on Jan. 21, 2010

  • I love to give and receive gifts. I resent being instructed to give a gift.

    Answer by rkoloms at 5:33 AM on Jan. 21, 2010

  • I agree with the pp. I love to give gifts to people. I will gladly give a baby gift, a wedding gift, etc. I have no problem giving to charity - whether it's "organized" things like Red Cross or for disaster relief like with Haiti, or whether it's discretely helping out a friend or neighbor who's having a hard time.

    What I resent though is when I get, for example, a baby shower invitation stuffed full of registry cards, or a wedding invitation from someone who I have no idea who they are, or a graduation announcement from someone who's kid I haven't talked to since they were in kindergarten, all stuffed, of course, with registry cards.

    Or the charities that call and when I inform them that I have already donated, or I can't afford to donate at this time, get nasty about it and won't take no for an answer (some calling several times a week).

    That's not giving / getting a gift. That's a shakedown.

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 6:45 AM on Jan. 21, 2010

  • Well, I do think people should fend for themselves. But that's an entirely different issue than making donations or giving gifts, imo.

    I donate both money and things rather frequently. It's good to help those who are truly in need. I involve my children in the process of culling through their toys and clothes to get them used to the idea that when we no longer use something, we pass it on to someone who can use it.

    And I love giving gifts. But I believe that gift giving is completely optional, so when I get an invitation or announcement, I decide how much I want to spend on a gift. Registry cards are helpful because I know that I'm getting something they want. But if there's nothing in the registry that I want to give them, I don't buy from it. And, yes, there are times when my "gift" is a nicely worded note of congratulations.

    Answer by May-20 at 7:09 AM on Jan. 21, 2010

  • Its nice to give gives you a warm feeling in your heart, but on the other hand theres a lot of people take advantage

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:30 AM on Jan. 21, 2010

  • I don't mind giving a gift to a first time mom or first time married couple. To give a gift for someone who has more then two kids of the same sex within a five year period I do not think gifts should be expected. I also don't think you should need to give a gift to a couple who are both getting married for the 2nd or more time. Donations are different, those are at the givers discretion and it's a do it or don't thing. I am very picky about who I donate to. I know people who expect donations for new baby or new marriage because they are "tight on money" yet they already proven that they are tight on money because they do not manage it well. I gave money to the ex sil because she couldn't make up her mind what she wanted. Not even an hour later bil wanted beer but didn't get paid til the next week so she gave him the money I had given for the baby stuff and he went and got it. I was so pissed.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:49 AM on Jan. 21, 2010

  • I do think people should always rely on themselves first. Gifts and donations are just that and people shouldn't expect or rely on them.

    Answer by Tummysmomma at 9:59 AM on Jan. 21, 2010

  • Yes but people over analyze baby showers as "begging" showers. And I don't think it's wrong to ask for baby stuff when you're about to have a baby. I mean...some people do need help with all that stuff because it does get expensive if you buy it all yourself. I mean...I would rather spend $20.00 on an outfit or bottles for my friend rather than letting her spend so much money on baby stuff. It's all going to add up down the line anyway with diapers and formula, etc.

    Answer by Imogine at 2:16 PM on Jan. 21, 2010

  • There is a difference between hosting or having a baby shower, where the point is to celebrate the new baby, and where the guests can choose to bring a gift (most of them will choose to do just that...) and one where it's DEMANDED that a gift be given, that we HAVE to give a present, or that it HAS to be a certain amount, because "we can afford it better than they can". I don't resent giving gifts - I CHOOSE to give a gift. I resent being ORDERED to buy for someone, as if I OWE it to them.


    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 8:02 AM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • cont

    Also, I think there's a big difference between "want" and "need". I knew a family that had a fire at their house. We were led to believe they were in serious need, so we donated a lot of things, including what was a large amount to us at the time ($100.00) We just tucked it in the box with the rest of the stuff, because we didn't want to make a big deal of it. She called us later to make sure we meant to give it to them and hadn't just dropped it on accident. I told her we did mean to give it to them, because we knew they had had the fire (they had announced it at church - they attended with us, and also at the school where our kids went with theirs, asking in both places for donations), and thought that the money would be better, because then they could buy what they needed in the sizes they needed and stuff, than us guessing.

    She told me later she used it to buy place new designer place mats and table cloths.

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 8:05 AM on Jan. 22, 2010

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