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Wives that have cheated

PLEASE DON'T JUDGE OR BASH me. I do love my dh. We have issues, that we've had our almost 19 years of marriage (together 21). He's not willing to work or talk about them, so we're at an impasse. Divorce isn't really an option currently, for multiple reasons I can't get into here. Recently, a friendly relationship at work has become a bit more. NO, I haven't done anything, but I have thought about it, quite a bit. He makes me feel many things mostly desirable. At this point we've decided to be friends. At this point I have teenage children, and we live about an hour in opposite directions from work. he has 2 jobs, I have my kids, so getting together would really, really, really take some finagling. That I'm (so far) not willing to do.
I'm just wondering, for the women that have cheated on their men:
Did you have guilt? if so how did you deal with it?
If you didn't have guilt, maybe a brief reason why/how you had none.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:05 AM on Jan. 21, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • I have not crossed the line as far as physically cheating on him but I have cheated on him in the sense that I had feelings for another man and that in itself made me feel guilty. We did have phone sex and exchanged dirty emails, but that was close enough to sleeping with him as I got. There was a point where we almost met up and "got together" but I chickened out and told my husband everything that I was about to do. As ugly as the result of telling him was, i believe to this day it was the right decision. I don't have to live with that guilt of knowing I slept with another man and my husband and I can actually work on our marriage.
    Please don't do it. It may seem like you and this guy have a good thing going, but I would try to sort out your feelings first between him and you and your husband and you first. Don't throw away 19 years of marriage on a whim. What you are feeling now is simply endorphines and ...cont.d
    Imogine

    Answer by Imogine at 5:10 AM on Jan. 21, 2010

  • What you are feeling now is simply endorphines and they can go away as fast as they came. He fullfills your needs, he listens to you, he's understanding and that's great! Everyone wants that but ask yourself if it's worth cheating on your husband for.
    Imogine

    Answer by Imogine at 5:12 AM on Jan. 21, 2010

  • Please, don't do it. That's my advice. Believe me, I know. It's not worth the heartache to yourself, your husband and your children. Your family is worth more than that guy. Your husband may not forgive you if he ever found out. I am so lucky that mine did.
    My husband has faults, but I overlook them, because I love him. I'm sure I have faults that he sees and tries not to tell me about...
    Try to imagine life without your husband. It may seem wonderful, but also try to see your kids without their dad.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:55 AM on Jan. 21, 2010

  • I did it, and I'm glad I did. I told my ex before I did anything physical that if he wasn't willing to work on our marriage (I begged him to go to counseling with me and he refused) and work on giving me what I wanted (tenderness, kind words, caring, etc) then I would find someone who would. And I did. I finally worked myself in to a position where I could leave him, and I did - not for the man I had an affair with but for myself. I am much happier now and I don't regret anything I did. In my mind, he killed our marriage by refusing to go to counseling and continuing to treat me like shit so my affair didn't ruin our marriage, it was already ruined.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:11 AM on Jan. 21, 2010

  • wow anon..811 u had what i had lol..* hugs* to u.
    i did cheat on my x, he as a drunk jerk and call me horrible hurtful names, and if he wasent drunk he was playing playstation all day and night a grown man that would play 9 hours stright while icared for our young dd. i felt unhaapy and like crap, i will also add he wouldnt talk to me and he stoped haveing sex with me i wold try and talk t him and get no were, afte 6 months of no sex i told him if u dont do it someone will, still nothing after another 2 months my bestfriend introduced me to someone (she also called my x to try and talk t him he didnt care. ) in the end i became friends with the other guy and after 3 months we slept together, after 6 months i moved out with dd to his place now my x new i was seeing someone but he also knew our relationship was done and hasbeen he also liked the new guy and x helped me move in with him me and x ae still friends and con..
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:27 AM on Jan. 21, 2010

  • Think about how you would feel if he did it to you. Maybe you should talk to him about how you feel and see if he is willing to work with you to make your marriage better. If it seems like a lost cause then separate and get a divorce then go see Mr. X. Don't do something you might regret just because some guy makes you tingly like your man used to because trust me, the tingle goes away at some point and your left wondering if it was worth it?
    Geminus

    Answer by Geminus at 8:29 AM on Jan. 21, 2010

  • i am now married to other man going on 7 years and very happy and would never cheat on him were great together and i love him. and my dd loves him and his kids love me and the kids ge along great. he considers my dd his as i consider his kids mine..i even get along with his x wife and he gets along with my x. its messed up i know but im happy about my decision cause both me and x knew it was over it was a matte of time..
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:31 AM on Jan. 21, 2010

  • I'd talk to dh first and tell him that you have needs that he needs to meet and if not then ask him how he expects you to fill them. That lets him know what's up and he can fix things and save his marriage. If he isn't willing to do that then I say get what you need where you can get it. I believe it's a man's fault when a wife cheats but he should know there is a problem and be given a chance to fix things.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:40 AM on Jan. 21, 2010

  • I HAVE talked to him...for 19 years! At what point does it become either "not giving a crap" or "ignoring her"?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:52 AM on Jan. 22, 2010

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