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How do you help someone who doesnt want to.......

Im so tired of being on the outside of this battered woman syndrome. It is sickening to witness a women return to her abuser, and continue to subject her children to the violence. Im trying to find a place for the youngest child. The middle child who is 16 seems to be okay...But this woman goes back EVERY TIME! The people at the local hospital know her by name because she is there so often. This guy was bragging this morning that the county police came out and didnt do anything!!! Im frustrated to tears for the kids. Im to the point now that i couldnt care less about her!!! Im at my wits end. Anyone else deal with similar situations. OR been in one yourself?!


Asked by Anonymous at 10:21 AM on Jan. 21, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • These men are controllers. These women have low self esteem (yes I was one and went back about a dozen times before I finally left for good) and believe what the men say. They threaten our families & friends if we don't come back. They say they will kill us if we don't come back. I had to decide whether I wanted to die by going back or by leaving. Many times they drag us back or stalk us to where we can't eat or sleep or get on with our life. Sometimes it's easier to go back and hope it settles down. I agree it's terrible for the children. Some states have a Failure to Protect law that arrests the MOM if she doesn't get the children out. That's how dangerous domestic violence is. It teaches kids that it's acceptable and the cycle will continue when they grow up. You can't make her decisions for her but you are precious for protecting her children. Do what you can. She has to do the rest.

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:34 AM on Jan. 21, 2010

  • it takes an average of six attempts to leave before a woman actually leaves her abuser. There is nothing you can do but be her friend and be there if/when she does leave. Don't abandon her now

    Answer by peanutsmommy1 at 10:25 AM on Jan. 21, 2010

  • I have her kids...weve past the 6th attempt. She came home from the hospital this morning and just cried and went to bed WITH HIM IN THE HOUSE!!!! UGG its frustrating!!! Im helpless.........

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:28 AM on Jan. 21, 2010

  • I left mine countless times. Then I grew my own set of balls. It's hard to leave though. There are so many thing involved you may not even know about or understand. Did you know a victim will leave the abuser about 12 times before they become a survivor and stay away from the abuser for good? Many are so scared to leave the last time they do it's in a body bag. Sad really.

    Answer by Geminus at 10:28 AM on Jan. 21, 2010

  • As a victim myself dont be too hard on her, these men dont make it easy when you do leave, or when they leave, i still suffer abuse now ten years after the pig left, dont give up on her although my abuse now isnt physical, i still get verbal/psycological from him and references of a sexual nature,and he mentally abuses my kids[his kids] by being mean, not bothering to keep to visits,letting them down, making them feel worthless etc.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:30 AM on Jan. 21, 2010

  • I'd leave her to to make her own decisions,but try my damndest to get the kids taken away.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:32 AM on Jan. 21, 2010

  • My SO and I are working on the kids right now....I cant afford to keep them myself...but i have the 5 year old for now until i can get in contact with her father or other family....If she cant go stay with him ill be caling CPS tomorrow....unless i can get some kind of assistance than she cant stay and i feel bad to toss her around like shes not wanted...but....I just have no way. I have one child and another on the way!

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:39 AM on Jan. 21, 2010

  • well sounds like you should call child services. because if he abuses her. they witness. if she cannot protect herself, she cant protect them and that isnt fair to the kids. you have to take drastic measures. you have to save those kids. do the right thing and call them in and dont do it annon. go testify for what you know. also alert csb to the hospital with the nurses who know her by name, they too should testify what they witnessed. save those babies!

    Answer by AmaliaD at 12:38 PM on Jan. 21, 2010

  • I have all kinds of sympathy for battered women, I was one, but to have children in the situation is wrong. This doesn't sound nice but what I would do is call CPS if you can't get the 5 year old's father involved. If the abuse has sent the mother to the hospital, it might not be just her leaving in a body bag.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:38 PM on Jan. 21, 2010