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should i be this upset over porn?

my bf and I have been together for about a yr and a half. he didnt start lookin at porn until this last july. We just had a baby together and im still self conscious about my body. He knows this but continues to look at it, when i was gonna try and watch it with him he said he was to tired. i was trying something new to compromise. I've told him i didnt want him doing it but that doesnt seem to matter. I feel like I've been cheated on and it makes me more self conscious because i dont have the same body as before.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:08 PM on Jan. 21, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • Porn has alot of negative effects. I one heard someone say "it takes ten seconds to look at and ten years to forget", It can change the way he looks at women, what he considers sexy, when and how he can get turned on. I personally think that it is serious. JMO.
    peace1234

    Answer by peace1234 at 12:14 PM on Jan. 21, 2010

  • It's normal for you to feel this way. If you have a problem with him watching it, he should respect it. My husband and I have an agreement that we don't watch it because it makes me uncomfortable. If he does watch it, I don't want to know. Ignorance is bliss.
    nicolemstacy

    Answer by nicolemstacy at 12:10 PM on Jan. 21, 2010

  • Yeah - I would be upset. We have watched it together and for some reason that doesn't bother me, but for him to watch it alone? It bother's me alot. Some of it is I have a 14 month old and am 15 week pregnant with my 5th child - before I got pregnant with my 4th I felt like I looked better than most of those women and it didn't bother me as much. But I told him how I felt about it, and he stopped because he cares about my feelings.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 12:12 PM on Jan. 21, 2010

  • HE shouldn't have to give up something he enjoys just because you are self conscious! I hate the way women think that just because THEY don't like something their DHs should just jump to make them happy 100% of the time. He's not out sleeping around, you are just being up tight! Get over it... My DH had to learn to deal with the fact that I like porn even though he doesn't watch it... And you will have to learn to deal as well. It's sad that he should have to hide something from you just to enjoy it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:13 PM on Jan. 21, 2010

  • idk.......... i have no issues with dh watching it alone, with me, whatever. it is really just a thought crime... if anything at all. i stand behind the idea that you cannot change a mans sexual desires. he might repress it for you. but they never really change. i say accept him for who he is or leave him.
    AmaliaD

    Answer by AmaliaD at 12:15 PM on Jan. 21, 2010

  • No you shouldn't take it personally. It's not about you. It's about fantasy and titillation. He doesn't prefer porn over you and he's not comparing them to your body. Some men watch football games all day and ignore their wives. That doesn't mean they like men in tight pants over their wives. It's just visual excitement.

    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:36 PM on Jan. 21, 2010

  • It's BECAUSE you're self-conscious about your body that he's jacking it to pictures of women who do not whine about their stretch marks or Dunlap Disease, ask "Do I look fat? Be honest" and scream bloody blue murder to shut the light off before any nudity is allowed.
    If you get over yourself, grab his dick and fuck him properly and with enthusiasm, porn will seem less attractive.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:47 PM on Jan. 21, 2010

  • It kills true intimacy between a couple and teaches men to objectify women including their wives. It is already hurting you. Look up the effects for yourself. do some research and then decide.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:13 PM on Jan. 21, 2010

  • i don't mind porn as long as it's not out of control, he should respect your wishes though, and you two should compromise. if he's unwilling then it's time for a change.
    angevil53

    Answer by angevil53 at 2:18 PM on Jan. 21, 2010

  • http://www.oprah.com/relationships/The-Negative-Effects-of-Porn

    http://www.allaboutlifechallenges.org/effects-of-porn-addiction-faq.htm

    http://www.everystudent.com/wires/toxic.html

    Just a few...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:19 PM on Jan. 21, 2010