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Need opinions. Am I just being a bitch on this?

Anytime my mom comes to visit or help watch my daughter, she is CONSTANTLY cleaning my house. Mind you, my house is not spotless but it is not a pig sty either. I know she's obsessively cleaning her house all the time. Fine, it's her house, whatever. But I've asked her NOT to clean mine unless I ask her for help because it is insulting to me for her to be unable to just sit and talk with me or play with my daughter without doing something else. Today she was at it again and I blew up and told her if she can't respect my wishes then I don't want her coming over. She says it is just a part of her personality, she's done it all her life and can't change.

I am just being a bitch on this? Should I let her do whatever she wants even in my home? It bothers me so much because she's often over to help me watch my daughter if I need to work, but instead she is cleaning so my daughter is still always playing alone. (She's 20 mos.)

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:12 PM on Jan. 21, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (16)
  • maybe she has ocd
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 2:15 PM on Jan. 21, 2010

  • Can you please send your mom to my house?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:15 PM on Jan. 21, 2010

  • I can see both sides of this. It would get on my nerves if I were you. But she claims she isn't going to change, so that puts the decision on you. Allow her to come and tolerate her cleaning, or don't allow her to come over. No, you aren't being a bitch, but if she says she won't change, believe her, she won't.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:18 PM on Jan. 21, 2010

  • My mom would do the same thing. I would let her clean until I needed her to do something else and then I would just say....."Mom, quit cleaning and come visit" or "Mom, can you entertain the baby for awhile?'

    I don't think she is doing it to irritate you, she probably really can't help herself.
    Dyndudes

    Answer by Dyndudes at 2:21 PM on Jan. 21, 2010

  • Is this my dd? lol I don't think we older moms see it as insulting. We just see a need for something to be done and we do it. My mom did it to me and my grandmother did it. It's just the way some moms are. My dd blew up at me and I had to stop. I thought I was helping bc she works full time and has two kids. I didn't mind helping and it gave me some value thinking I was needed. I was needed (by the house) but not appreciated by my daughter so I stopped even though her live in bf begged me to keep it up. For a while I did it behind her back and let the bf take the credit but she figured it out! lol Maybe your mom validates herself as a person by cleaning and is wanting you to value her for what she values herself for. She's offering you what she feels has to give.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:21 PM on Jan. 21, 2010

  • I would explain to her that you don't mind help if you ask for it or if someone is with the baby then you don't really care for the free maid service (if you put it that way she might thinks it funny! lol)... but that you would prefer for someone to be with the baby and you need that as help more than anything else.
    I don't htink it is something to blow up about - the cleaning the house part. But I agree that if no-one is with the baby it could get aggrivating.
    Memigen

    Answer by Memigen at 2:22 PM on Jan. 21, 2010

  • Oh and I also agree with the second answerer... could you send her to my house too? Lol, I'll watch the baby so you can work and she can clean! ;)
    Memigen

    Answer by Memigen at 2:23 PM on Jan. 21, 2010

  • She could be doing worse things. Like telling you how to raise your child, treat your husband, how to clean your house she she doesn't feel the urge to do it. Leave her be, just don't end up taking advantage. She probably likes that she is able to help you out by doing something that to her might seem her only thing to offer. it is one less thing you have to worry about doing in addition to everything you already do.
    Geminus

    Answer by Geminus at 2:23 PM on Jan. 21, 2010

  • i agree with send her my way please ; D I suppose if she did it all the time it probably would get old. She also deserves your respect but you deserve her respect as well. I guess for me i would try to be as open with her as possible and really communicate how i feel about it & try to come to some kind of agreeemnt with her. Probably comes down to another situation of who will be the first to show unconditional love to the other one....I dont know....just me ; ) Good luck, those mom relationships are so special!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:24 PM on Jan. 21, 2010

  • No Me! Send her to Me!
    I do understand you point though about spending time with your DD.
    My mom just SNOOPS through all of my stuff....
    chefronswife

    Answer by chefronswife at 2:26 PM on Jan. 21, 2010

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