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What do I do if I don't love my husband anymore?

My husband is completely miserable and he is making me and my children so unhappy. I would like to leave, but I do not want to break his heart. I know he still loves me, but I am losing every ounce of love for him. Any advice?


Asked by ggsmom789 at 3:15 PM on Jan. 21, 2010 in Relationships

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Answers (16)
  • It sounds like he's going through his own personal thing right now and so I'd start of by acknowledging that to him and letting him know that you are there to support him in constructive ways. But, I'd also let him know exactly what you posted here - that he's bringing everyone down and you are unhappy enough that you're considering leaving him. Tell him that you are willing to work to make things better, but he has to be willing too. If he's not willing I guess you have your answer.

    Honestly, I've seen these marriages where one spouse is willing to try and work things out or go to counselling etc and the other is not. In that case I'd say the marriage is over. What more can you do if you say "I'm unhappy, we need to work this out" and the other spouse says "tough shit I want to maintain the status quo". I'm all for honouring the marriage vows, but not in a case like that.

    Answer by EmilyandIsaac at 6:23 PM on Jan. 21, 2010

  • marriage counsling..

    figure out why hes so depressed and let him know its effecting u and ur children..I dont think u should just divorce him becuz hes seemingly depressed..

    try to get help first.

    Answer by SweetPoison at 3:19 PM on Jan. 21, 2010

  • Why is he so miserable? Is he abusing you? Is he just going through a rough time? My husband has had rough times because of work or what not and we just get through it. We are married for better or for worse not just when everyone is happy. If he is completely miserable perhaps he even needs to talk to a doctor about it. I also believe love is a choice. You can't lose your love. He also should not be responsible to make you happy. Leaving here kind of seems like the easy thing to do but will it make you any happier?

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:20 PM on Jan. 21, 2010

  • He sounds depressed and needs psyciatric meds. While it's difficult to support someone going through this, it shouldn't affect your love for him. You made a commitment to him through better and worse, remember? You're obviously past the honeymoom stage and now is when the "real" work begins. Roll up your sleeves and begin the work.

    Answer by Ewadun at 3:23 PM on Jan. 21, 2010

  • I highly suggest counseling. Marriage does not NEED warm-fuzzies to survive. Take my parents for example. They've been married since 1973. My father has tried committing suicide several times since they've been married. He's been emotionally unavailable for my mother, and she's stuck by his side...even when she was unhappy. He's got SO many medical problems-he's had one foot in the grave because of his physical health since I was about 15 years old, from the years of not taking good care of himself. My mother loves my dad, but does not always feel those butterflies and warm fuzzies. She got counseling by herself when he wouldn't go to try to stick things out-when even CHRISTIAN women told her they'd divorce someone like him. Just last year-after almost 35 years of marriage, my FATHER started to go counseling with her. I'm not saying wait 35 years and hope things get better. I'm saying the sooner you get counseling, the soon...

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:27 PM on Jan. 21, 2010

  • you two can have a chance to heal and make things work. I believe very strongly that too many people don't take the vows seriously as they should. You promised...for better or worse. This is one of those bad times. You both have to work to make things better.
    All the best.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:28 PM on Jan. 21, 2010

  • I totally agree with Anon :28. You made that commitment. What if your child acted up or in a way that was displeasing - you would never consider abandoning him. Well, the same goes with your spouse - unless he is abusing you, cheating on you, or committing a felony. These are the most challenging times in a marriage. It's easy when things are all happy and nice. But the vows do say "for better or for worse." This is when you need to be very resourceful and find a solution. If you can, see if you can get counseling to better learn how to deal (that is if he refuses to get help himself). Maybe you need some time away (at your parents or something) to get a break. Also, look at your own behavior around him and see what you might be contributing to the problem. Good luck.

    Answer by kathyartist2007 at 3:49 PM on Jan. 21, 2010

  • He has not been working for a long time and he is not holding up his end of the relationship. I have to handle all the big stuff and then he won't listen to me when I need to talk to him. I know I made vows and I'm trying hard to hang on, but when I come home to him screaming at my children everyday it is so hard to keep them in this. It is not my fault that he is unemployed and I have to go to work. Thank you to everyone here, I'm glad I have someplace to speak and receive fair answers.

    Answer by ggsmom789 at 4:07 PM on Jan. 21, 2010

  • do all you can to stick with it. my mil often jokes that she always loved her husband, it is only now that she likes him!
    divorce is hard forever, and this could be something that you could work through in a matter of time. even in divorce, you still have to deal with him b/c you have children together. in some men's mind, supporting their family is their only job, maybe he is really depressed and feeling like a failure. i'm not saying he is acting out in a just way at all, but imagine if for whatever reason, you culd not provide your children with the nurturing they needed. wouldn't you be depressed? good luck to you! i always say marriage is the hardest thing i have ever done!

    Answer by happy2bmom25 at 4:22 PM on Jan. 21, 2010

  • I have been feeling like I do not love my partner anymore too.....he loves me unconditionally and I have been the temperamental and crazy one. I have been wanting to leave and go back to my home country NZ for a long time and htreaten too constantly and h still loves me and says we need to stay together for our dd. I used to think this would be worse for our dd as she would see my misery but you know what I have had to take a truthful look at myself and my behaviour and I have seen I could make a difference and improve my own perspective. It won't happen overnight but the example I am setting for my dd is that I am not giving up and am not going to split up her and her Daddy. We are not married so we never made the vowels but we planned a child and so we owe it to her to get our own stuff sorted and hope she becomes a better and strong person because of it and feels secure because we were both there for her.

    Answer by Kiwi66 at 4:33 PM on Jan. 21, 2010