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My son needs to help

My son is 5, and when i ask him to help clean up, like pick up toys, or whatever, he tends to try to throw a fit, I was wondering if there is a consequence for that. I dont want a son that likes a woman to do everything i would love for him to live responsibly, i know hes young yet, but i can start this behavior now. thank you.

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Asked by Vmahoney at 10:08 PM on Jan. 21, 2010 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 7 (163 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • Not too sure what you mean by, is there a consequence for that, but when my dd does that (she just turned 6) she loses those toys and has to earn them back. She does not like this. I don't have to yell, scream and we don't spank, if I ask her to clean up and she starts giving a hard time, we take those toys. We clean them up, they become ours. Works like a charm :)

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:12 PM on Jan. 21, 2010

  • have you just sat down and talked to him and explained that he lives in a family and he has family responsibilities just like you and your dh? and dont make it too hard at first--- just try something like putting dishes in the sink --or set the table both my kids fight over helping out LOL they love doing dishes!!

    Answer by MELRN at 10:13 PM on Jan. 21, 2010

  • If you talk respect to him often at home &during outings he'll learn respect. My husband grew up believing that a wife's to be his 'aide' in different things. His family's beliefs were that women are second to men excelling in childbirth and childcare. But that was from a mother who verbalized close to that and a father who didn't verbalize it but didn't teach otherwise. Our kids 25,22,17 years old not taught it.

    Speaking of respect and responsibility often from even younger age than your ds and practicing it too with him and having him be around playmates taught similarly will help him catch on. Just refuse to be at his beck and call and ds will catch on, he's old enough to help w/chores in different ways. Print, hang a page each day of his accomplishments and good deeds so he'll see the praise he gets.

    But kids like adults will fail now and then in politeness, just do the best you can without being overpowering 24/7.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:18 PM on Jan. 21, 2010

  • We tie chores to rewards, like watching TV. If he does not do his chores, he does not get to watch TV for 24 hours.

    Answer by rkoloms at 6:50 AM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • Part of it is an attitude thing- You have to expect this because its the norm you're developing for your family. One thing that made a huge difference withmy 4yo son wasthat I stopped asking him. Its no longer, "Do you want to pick up?" It's "OK! Its time to pick up!" I don't ask him to make his bed, I remind him that he needs to do it when he puts his clothes on. I take the same attitude (with different standards of course) with my 2yo daughter.

    Answer by IrishMommaC at 7:58 AM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • Oh, and keep in mind that a tantrum does not change expectations you have for his behavior. He still has to do the work even if he doesn't like it.

    Answer by IrishMommaC at 8:01 AM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • That's normal. My kids all do that when they don't want to pick up. It isn't just a boy thing. My worst offender is my 9yo daughter. Every time I tell her to clean her room she throws a tantrum. But, that just makes a bigger mess for her to clean and she isn't allowed to leave her room until it's done (except to use the bathroom and eat a prepared meal, no snacks).
    Cleaning up after themselves is not an option in our house. They make the mess, they clean it up. That goes for all my kids (the girls are 9, 7 and almost 4 and my son is 8).
    My son is actually the best cleaner of the kids. He rarely fights me and usually does his chores the first time I ask. He also offers to help me all the time without me saying anything. He already does his own laundry (has been doing it since August when he was still 7).

    Answer by justanotherjen at 10:18 AM on Jan. 22, 2010

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