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how do u get a 12 yrs girl to listen to her step father and stop back talking to all adults

she gets mad at everything you ask her to do or what she sould be doing and she rolls her eyes and bad mouth us mostly her dad what should i do

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littlechrissy

Asked by littlechrissy at 12:17 AM on Jan. 22, 2010 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • Check your state laws.
    In California the only thing that is required by law (besides food and shelter) is a mattress on the floor to sleep on and a change of clothes. Everything else is a luxury. If she cannot respect you and your husband then she doesn't deserve the privileges that you provide.
    outstandingLove

    Answer by outstandingLove at 12:30 AM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • I'm with oustandin. Take all her crap away until she starts listening to you and stops mouthing off.
    Imogine

    Answer by Imogine at 12:31 AM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • LOL you pray. I'm joking.This is a VERY difficult age for girls.They are going through so many hormonal and emotional changes so do cut her a little slack. However talking back to adults is unacceptable.I was not very nice to my step father at this age, granted he deserved some of it (my mother divorced him).He never treated me well and never had anything nice to say about me.It was still wrong of me to be disrespectful to him but he was the adult and he could have tried harder with me and at least pretended to like me.I'm not saying you husband any anything like my ex stepdad but I knew he didn't like me and viewed me as a burden and that's why I acted out most of the time.I would try seeing a therapist as a family and letting your daughter see her own therapist if you feel like you've tried everything and have run out of options.Therapy helped me so much through my teen years. I also agree the the ladies above.
    Court128

    Answer by Court128 at 12:48 AM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • LOL WELCOME TO THE TEEN YEARS, AND SHES GONNA DRAG YOU THERE KICKING AND SCREAMING JUST KIDDING. WHEN DD TURNED 13 I SWORE SHE WAS ABDUCTED AND IN HER PLACE STOOD A CHILD I HAD NEVER MET LOL. YOUR DD HORMONES COULD BE RAGING HAS SHE STARTED YET, KEEP THAT IN MINE. KEEP THE LINES OF COMMUNICATION OPEN, TALK TO HER AND DH ABOUT RESPECTING EACH OTHER......SET BOUNDRIES FOR BOTH OF THEM. HE NEEDS TO RESPECT THAT SHE IS BECOMING A WOMAN AND HAS A LOT OF PRESSURE FROM HER PEERS AND SHE NEEDS HER SPACE, AND SHE NEEDS TO RESPECT HIM, LOL IF EITHER GETS OUT OF LINE TAKE THEIR TOYS AWAY, GOOD LUCK!!
    ohio4

    Answer by ohio4 at 1:21 AM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • This is very normal behavior. First, you make sure that she understands that she is being bombarded with hormones that may make her feel crazy sometimes. Next, you calmly explain what is expected of her, along with the consequences for not meeting those expectations and the rewards for meeting those expectations.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 6:34 AM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • She's acting like a normal adolescent. If she respects step dad she will listen to him but make sure he's not being unreasonable in his request. Also keep in mind little girls are loyal to bio dad and many times resent step dads. They also hold resentment that mom is having sex with this guy who isn't her dad. Step parenting is not easy. How about you talk to her together and not make step dad do it on his own until she is ready to accept commands from him.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:45 AM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • Well, as a child or divorced parents, (at that age also) I can say: Sometimes it's hard living in a household with mom & her new husband. It can also be hard when your daughter wants you and her dad to still be together. Even though things may not have been good together. somes times when mom is married to someone new we don't always have time for our children. Sometimes mom has to spend time with daughter. Also mom has to sit down with step dad and daughter and let her know that you don't agree with her behavior and things will not be better at home if she doesn't change her attitude. Sure she can be see what she can get away with. But, a simple behavior adjustment1 is what is needed. Plus reminding her that things will be better at home. She can also be afraid that your husband is taking her away from her father. Remember that we were all her again and some a good girl and others testing the water.
    happynewyorker

    Answer by happynewyorker at 7:38 PM on Jan. 22, 2010

  • I woudl probably back slap her...Is all about what type of relationship she has with step=dad..but you are saying she talks back to adults, so maybe step-dad is not the problem..is probably her mouth...I am a strong believer in :
    Your child was not born like that!! you probably have let it slide a couple of times and she feels she can get away with it...the other day my 11 yearold daughter got snippy with her mouth to Dad..I was cooking...he yelled at her because she is a girl and he does not want to hit her, but he took her previleges for a week...she tried to get around me but I did not let her...I have a 19 year old daughter, she talked back to me once.....a nice back hand took care of it!! she was 16 never happend again...children know how to test their parents....you have to start with you first...and allow her to treat adults like that!
    BiBi2010

    Answer by BiBi2010 at 5:56 PM on Jan. 23, 2010

  • And I would like to add that slapping and hitting (although very tempting) will not help at all. All it's going to do is piss her off more and humiliate her. It won't solve anything and it won't teach her anything positive. It's not that I'm against a little pop on the behind when children are little to get their attention but slapping a teenager across the face is just not the best solution. Hitting children comes from anger and it's a selfish thing that parents do in the heat of the moment because they're frustrated that hopefully they regret doing afterwards. We don't want our kids to hit others so I don't know why some parents think it's acceptable to hit their kids. I know parents make mistakes when they're upset sometimes. What I don't understand is parents who believe slapping or especially hitting with objects (paddles, belts) is a productive form of discipline. Talk to any psychologist and 99% are not going to agree.
    Court128

    Answer by Court128 at 3:31 AM on Jan. 25, 2010

  • and that was nothing against you littlechrissy. it just pisses me off to see parents talk about slapping their kids so casually like everyone does it and it's no big deal.
    Court128

    Answer by Court128 at 3:35 AM on Jan. 25, 2010

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